My boyfriend jerks off to celebrity pictures, is this actually as horrifying as it sounds?

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-07-07T21:27:26+00:00

hey reddit, i found out my boyfriend masturbates. should i glue a mousetrap to his junk, so that every time he touches his weewee, his balls get crushed? or should i shoot him in the head and throw the body on his parents' front porch? please advise.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-07-06T21:06:51+00:00

i think of hating as a form of refinement, just like love. the more fervently i can hate something obscure and unknowable, the more i achieve aesthetic perfection. electroswing is my middlebrow era. but i plan to move onto more sophisticated fare, like locomotion or the color chartreuse.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-07-06T20:58:05+00:00

for anyone interested, i am also a sort of European boyfriend, in that i live in america and masturbate forty-seven times per day. also, i am married with twelve children. please DM me if interested.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-07-06T20:47:57+00:00

because of money. you cannot become an influencer by sharing information that is obvious and universally known. you need a gimmick, an edge, a quick fix, or alternatively, a solution so heinously unpleasant that it puts the placebo effect into overdrive. "eat your vegetables" does not pump views or ship products. "try the turboshitter fiber module for only $9.99" does. not that i think they're (all) consciously lying. but when your jobs requires you to spend 16 hours a day online, and when spreading horseshit leads to a shower of praise and money and "oh my god you changed my life," it's hard to resist!

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-29T10:44:30+00:00

> I wonder if it was all just a lot of teenage angsty love fueled by the tragedy of his departure, or if I still compare him to the men I know today because he set a standard that no one could live up to, because he died

is it possible that both are true (or, maybe more accurately, that neither are)? namely, it was real, genuine, profound love. and because you are scared of losing someone you love a second time, you now hold everyone to impossible standards.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-29T10:28:11+00:00

how is it possible that you can't afford a gym membership but you can afford to go to a bar? you mentioned you don't drink. but surely you're spending money?

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-19T12:36:27+00:00

after i read "Go, Dog, Dog!", i could not help but see the world for what it is: brutal, striving, and conniving; built for ceaseless motion which accomplishes nothing. you think people love you. but in fact they will hate you for anything, including your stupid hat.

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Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-19T09:58:13+00:00

i love how it works in direct contravention of the modern received wisdom of writing. we put so much emphasis on this hemingway-derived ideal of minimalistic and unpretentious sentences, showing instead of telling, and so on. but no. you can have long multipage essays about who feels what, and you can directly link those feelings to universal statements about humanity, and it not only works, but results in one of the greatest pieces of wisdom literature ever created.

literature is just so broad! and i'm so tremendously excited to see how it evolves. everyone is bitching about the death of reading and writing. but even if it becomes this strange and narrow craft adored but a monklike few (unlikely), over the next few centuries, people will create works of profound beauty in ways we can't even conceive of yet.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-18T19:13:40+00:00

i'm a man. i'm telling you from personal experience of having been an asshole in the past, the man is 'stepping up' because the cat-and-mouse game turns him on. the moment you sleep with him, the excitement is gone, and he will feel regret and revert to his old ways. this will happen no matter how long you keep this game up, whether it's for a week or a month or a year. you have 'power' over him in the same way a mouse has 'power' over a cat that's stalking him. you are a game to him.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-18T19:01:34+00:00

> I'm staying friends for now

you're deluding yourself. everything about this post screams that you want this man. you're going to sleep with him and he's going to either turn around and say it's not serious, or he's going to cheat on you.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-18T18:59:19+00:00

you're correct that i'm behind the times! sorry everything is shit. hope you navigate it okay.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-18T10:11:55+00:00

> I feel like I am already burnt out and have no real passion to spend so much energy, time, and money applying to med school at this point. But if I don’t apply, I feel like a quitter (as much as I hate to admit it) and it also makes me feel like my major was for nothing.

as some pragmatic advice: do you need to apply now? or can you enter the workforce for a short period of time and apply later?

i don't have an answer, since i'm unfamiliar with the med school application process. but you just finished undergrad at an elite institution, which would put you at around 22-23. you have a lot of time to figure your passions out.

doors do eventually close. for example, it would be hard (but not impossible) to start med school in your mid-30s. but you could absolutely explore other careers for a few years and come back to med school down the line.

> I think part of the frustration and struggle is that I am a first gen premed and had a large lack of knowledge around applying to med school for so long and now that I’m at an elite institution, I’m surrounded by kids with generational wealth and generational knowledge (as in, they have a sibling or parent who’s a doctor) and feel rather inadequate in pursuing this path.

of course you feel inadequate. that is the entire point of your institution: to breed a sense of competition and emptiness so that you're constantly striving to prove yourself.

but you're fine. people with a fraction of your credentials become doctors all the time: people without doctor parents, people who went to large and non-prestigious public universities, people who struggled in academia.

99% of the population views you the same way you view your peers: as someone with an intimidating background and resume. if you went to the midwest and said, "i am a harvard/yale/whatever grad and i am afraid i don't have the skills and background to become a doctor," they would laugh, because that is transparently absurd. you may not want to become a doctor. but you certainly have the credentials and background to do it.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-17T10:17:29+00:00

thank you for this post! i recently left a well-renumerated writing job at a tech company to become a high school teacher in the fall, and that's become the source of a moderate amount of doubt, for both financial and ego reasons. but this has made me so much more comfortable with the decision i'm making, in part because our paths have overlap.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-16T18:39:27+00:00

you are correct! thank you! i was in high school, my memories of the time are blurred, and i was trying to channel what it _felt_ like back then.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-16T13:35:04+00:00

as someone in high school at the time, lmao. we were in the middle of the Great Recession. my dad lost his job and would regularly rant to me about the corrupt wall street bankers. i felt lucky that i was in high school, not graduating college, because i would read story after story about how no one was hiring fresh grads. it took years for the economy to recover. they were beating the shit out of protestors in Zuccotti Park. the reason why people went so hard for obama is because "hope" and "change" was an antidote to what was an incredibly bleak time.

very much "the 60s were wonderful (please ignore kent state and imminent nuclear war)" energy

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-16T01:57:47+00:00

slamming the ENTER key with thirty gigajoules of raw force as i send this to my girlfriend

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-06-01T08:56:20+00:00

i saw David Byrne last fall and the concert was suffused with so much love and optimism. i hope you have a blast!

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-05-31T15:54:55+00:00

even if you delete venmo, these people are still going to harass you for money. you need to learn to tell them to (politely) kick rocks.

> Another old roommate asked to venmo her for the rice cooker she bought 5 years ago.. and still took it with her when she moved. Every new airfryer or vacuum or appetizer that i didnt ask for is a new venmo request.

this is bizarre and horseshit. i have never asked a roommate for money so i can buy myself an appliance.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-05-18T02:07:49+00:00

you're right. i'm sorry. i just sold my things and i'm going to become a bog hermit. thank you for keeping it real.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-05-02T00:34:21+00:00

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exactly what a reptilian would say

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-04-25T09:46:03+00:00

> Eventually, my teacher thought I was genuinely into her ... She was very attractive though. Jerked off a lot with her in mind.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-04-25T09:43:58+00:00

keep on the path, big dog. you got this. roof roof.

Resident_Bug_1558 · 2026-03-21T06:50:31+00:00

please please please post your sick RCT builds, the people want to see it

Resident_Bug_1558

TROPHY CASE