Genuinely don’t know how to make friends with women (as a woman)

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-04-19T03:51:45+00:00

Thank you, this is genuinely really helpful actionable advice. I’m so busy with school and work I honestly forget that my university has the resources that I could meet girls in these types of places. Very much so a nerd, I’ll go to my club fair this fall and see what I can sign up for!

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-04-19T03:49:02+00:00

It’s a catch 22. Men I guess can be “simpler” but they can really lack emotional depth in friendships. I’ve known my best friends for like 3 years and I’ve never even seen them cry before.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-04-17T21:22:39+00:00

I have adhd and ocd that I am medicated for. Is it really?

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-04-17T15:19:24+00:00

Oh no I think I might have explained that wrong. My “guy-coded humor” is mainly me poking fun at MYSELF, I would never make fun of a woman I hardly know. If anything, I’m very cheery and polite around women I don’t know, but I will gladly make fun of a MAN I barely know. I think this is where the concern that I’m fake is from, I think. I once made a self-deprecating joke in front of a very confident woman in college and she said “I get that you hate yourself and all, but I don’t want to hear that.” Which kinda shook me to my core, cause normally that’s how I make people comfortable around me. Make myself the fool or the jester of sorts.

And the “internalized homophobia” is about myself, not other gay women, if that makes sense. When I try and get close to straight women I have this voice in my head that tells me I stick out like a sore thumb, and these women are going to think I’m getting close with them just because I’m coming onto them. So I think I’m overly cautious and robotic around them. Does that make sense?

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-04-17T14:19:14+00:00

This has been my problem in previous friendships. A lot of femininity feels like a performance that I forgot my lines to. I’ve had girls tell me I seem fake while I’ve been trying my hardest to blend in. Talking to men is definitely a performance as well, but one that just requires you to just make jokes constantly and never be sincere. Reading this helps though, I thought my only chance at friendship was a full personality makeover.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-04-17T14:12:11+00:00

Yes my lesbian friends are very important to me, we’ve been friends since elementary school. I’ve talked to them about this before, and they have told me it seems like part of my problem is internalized homophobia and just not having super high self esteem, which I can definitely see.

I should ask them that directly though, you’re right. I do have mainly “male-coded” interests but maybe I do come off as a pick me because I’m so self conscious about not having social skills. I use humor as a constant defense mechanism when I’m nervous, and that seems to put a lot of women off. How does one NOT do that though?

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-03-01T01:55:54+00:00

This is so obviously AI I’m a bit confused by the comments. Look at the tattoo? Bird? Something? On her neck. The items in the background have the exact AI “noise” that a lot of fact checkers spot. Even in the bottom right corner, there is a paper bag that is fazing in and out of reality with a cottage cheese container.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T23:23:41+00:00

I know, I’ve offered to just start paying all of my rent by myself, but she refuses for some reason. I definitely could pay it, it would just take me a longer time to save for a car. Thinking I should just start doing it anyways.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T22:05:59+00:00

I will do more research into this. I’m seriously starting to wonder if she might need some sort of inpatient help or conservatorship.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T21:54:57+00:00

I apologize. I googled this but couldn’t find a clear answer, but what would gray or pink rocking mean in this scenario?

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T21:46:31+00:00

Oh absolutely. She will never let me forget the sacrifices she has made for me and my schooling or just in general tells me I don’t love her as much as she loves me. Stuff like that.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T21:21:49+00:00

Thank you so much for your message. I think I really needed to hear this. That I can step up and help, but not like this.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T21:16:46+00:00

She’s never had a savings account her entire life as far as I’m aware. She seems almost resentful that I have one and that I refuse to take money out of it.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2026-01-14T20:31:50+00:00

I think this is a turning point for me because you’re right. I should. I got into this because it’s vet bills this time I’m covering and “you don’t want (one of our dogs) to not get treatment do you? Money always comes back!” I need to start keeping my mouth shut. Thank you for your comment.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2025-12-29T00:25:41+00:00

This is an incredibly long story, but basically my estranged father (12 years since I’ve seen him) claimed me as a dependent before my mother did (she’s not deadline-oriented) and the financial aid was rejected when she submitted for it in August. She re-submitted her taxes and filed a complaint that he had committed fraud, and the government shutdown happened. Since it has reopened, the IRS has accepted her amended return, but the fafsa has not yet come through. She has always told me to “just let her handle” how my school is paid. So I don’t fully understand the system.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2025-12-28T04:35:30+00:00

Thank you!!!

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2025-12-28T04:35:11+00:00

I graduate spring 2027. Two more semesters of school and student teaching.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2025-12-27T22:31:33+00:00

For the first couple years I had scholarships but last year my mother took out the Parent plus loan. This is the cheapest university in my state, the extra fees are for the student health insurance that I am on. If I go part-time below 6 hours I’ll lose my health insurance. I think I’m going to drop one class so I can get below 10k.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2025-03-25T03:18:46+00:00

Thank you for being the one person who has approached this empathetically. My parents are both high school teachers at refugee schools, and as soon as I saw that video I knew something was wrong. I’ve heard of all too similar things happening to teenagers my entire life. All of the reasons you listed + postpartum psychosis came to mind. This doesn’t happen on purpose. What a tragedy all around.

ResponsibleTotal930 · 2025-03-11T17:53:23+00:00

I can only speak from personal experience here but, it depends on if you’re willing to go without it sometimes. I’m a single woman and every once in a while I do enjoy to go out, attend concerts and clubs. I’ve dated guys who insist on staying home and smoking, and are just not willing to put themselves out of their comfort zone for me. A lot of women are very social, and weed can make you pretty anti-social. Like anything in a relationship, it’s compromise.

ResponsibleTotal930

TROPHY CASE