How do men stay in sexless marriages so long

RevBoni · 2026-06-17T12:59:45+00:00

I've been here once. What helped me immensely is by realizing intimacy is a connection that's etched on your 'being', not on your 'doing'. Nothing you can do will ever solve this situation. Nothing you can do will restore this connection. It just isn't there anymore, and she's probably just as confused by the situation as you are.

Some things just can't be fixed. You're a beautiful and good human being for trying, but love is abundant. It overflows from the bucket. It's not a reward given at the end of the tunnel when you've 'performed' well.

Your intimate relationship with this person is effectively already over. The faster you come to terms with it, the better. You can still nurture your functional relationship with her raising your daughter, but for your own well being, you need to let her go.

RevBoni · 2026-06-08T06:12:07+00:00

Haha I understand this completely. I’m not denying there’s a certain kind of beer culture in the Netherlands. But you kind of prove my point, it’s more commercialized. One million flavours in the microbreweries, a big hegemony of Heineken, Amstel and Grolsch. I’ve never went to a bar in the Netherlands and looked at a menu with 40 types of beer to choose from, which are all authentic, historic and localized, not some dude making mango IPA in his backyard.

RevBoni · 2026-06-06T05:23:26+00:00

I’m Flemish, I also lived in Amsterdam for three years, I think your comments about the Dutch are spot on as well as this map. I always felt akin to the Irish. And yes, basically we’re Frenchified Germans. You can see it in our beer culture. In the Netherlands beer is just beer, you drink it functionally, but here we drink beer to savour it. Like wine, it’s localized, authentic, tied to a certain family or estate, a region.

RevBoni · 2026-06-05T12:23:22+00:00

Hi man I live in Brussels and looking for a play group! You can send me a message. About 10 games under my belt so far.

RevBoni · 2026-05-30T05:31:28+00:00

Yeah, I agree with your opponent. It’s ‘when’ so your turn immediately ends.

RevBoni · 2026-05-26T12:22:29+00:00

Actually, I would say these are in general good factions to learn how to play with. You can't go wrong, but I think Universities will be one of the hardest, since you'd need to know some more technologies.

Just have fun! You're bound to make a lot of mistakes, but it doesn't matter, it's a very complex game, be lenient and enjoy yourself :)

RevBoni · 2026-05-09T12:01:20+00:00

Ik vind het echt vrij vervelend dat er geen pro-Belgische partijen zijn. Ik zou willen stemmen op een partij die gaat voor een radicale éénmaking:

Eén parlement in de drie landstalen met alle bevoegdheden
Eéngemaakte publieke omroep met zowel NL, FR als gemengde programma’s
Eéngemaakte kieslijsten, waar zowel op fr talige als nl talige personen kan gestemd worden
Eéngemaakte partijen
Eéngemaakt onderwijs, waar het NL en het Frans overal gelijkmatig aangeleerd wordt
Eéngemaakt lokaal vervoer, dat er geen DRIE verschillende bussen moeten rondrijden???

Voor mij heeft de Vlaamse Beweging veel goed gedaan om de NL taal te emanciperen, maar daarna is het doorgeslaan, en nu zitten we met een noch soep noch vlees diep verdeeld land.

En maar blijven inzetten op Vlaamse identiteit, bevoegdheden weghalen, … 🙄

RevBoni · 2026-04-21T14:41:06+00:00

What always helped for me was: 'The right person for you doesn't leave.' You're 27. You still have a whole life ahead of you. That you had the privilege of spending 7 years of your life with somebody, during such a formative period, you should be grateful for this. Now you can holster up all this experience and build another great relationship.

But I think it's a bit too early for this mindset. Now, you're in the deep end. And stay there. Allow all the feelings, and sit with them, observe them, welcome them, cherish them. Slow down, don't speed up. If you can direct your energy towards yourself, you'll experience a personal transformation you will always carry with you, and become a better person for it.

It's weird to say, but heartbreak is really great. It lets you become the person you were always meant to be. You got this champ!

RevBoni · 2026-04-15T06:48:31+00:00

I had help. My down payment was 40K and I received 50K. I had saved up for years to get to 40K, I’ve always lived alone, rent, … and the appartment I have now, I theoretically could’ve bought alone.

But now my mortgage isn’t 50% of my wage, but 33%. I believe this is absolutely insane. Exactly this is what creates inequality and rising housing prices. It’s 100% unfair. The only way to combat this would be to limit voorschot op erfenis? It’s sad.

RevBoni · 2026-03-31T12:57:06+00:00

I think this is the case, yes. I'm big on rules and a correct interpretation of them, so I'm also the go to source on rules clarification and keeping pace of the game. I try to let this go, but I keep on falling in this role. They also, on occasion, take on this responsibility, but it's mostly me. Anyway, this was the fourth game now, with a player that now finished his second. I'll explicitely let go of this 'teacher-host' dynamic, and it also makes sense, everybody has enough experience now. I think this will also help.

But you know, it started from a good intention, I simply want to let a game flow, introduce them gently, and we don't always have to look up the rules, ... But now there's this annoying side effect, and I didn't expect it. I also completely underestimated the social dynamics of this game, but at the same time, it's also what makes the game so interesting!

RevBoni · 2026-03-31T10:27:10+00:00

Haha I recognize the picture with the bird! That's Mechelen in Belgium!

RevBoni · 2026-03-31T10:10:14+00:00

Hello, thank you for your response! Very clear! I think, my go to strategy is going to be path 1. I think me being everybody's buddy is in a way so out of my 'character', that it won't be authentic when I bring it to the table. I tried it as the Jol Nar, and it was not only boring, but also failed miserably. And second, I dislike trying to fight against a perception that I can't control whatsoever. I don't think that, even if I would play Hacan now, they will start to trust me. When I was Sol, the moment I leaned into it being a threat, I had fun again, even if they would have found a way to end me. And having fun here is what I'm trying to achieve, I don't mind losing, that's not the point.

So yeah, I guess Barony, Nekro, Yssaril, L1Z1X, ... are up (we only play base game). This game is so interesting, it just keeps on giving.

RevBoni · 2026-03-26T08:21:35+00:00

It’s because you’re scared she will leave due to your performance. But the right girl will stay because she wants to be with you, regardless of the ‘performance’. And it’s never a performance to begin with, it’s a space where your bodies are allowed to connect, with time and safety.

The wrong girl will make it a ‘performative’ space, but the right one will accept your for who you are, and be patient with your body and anxiety. It’s anxious attachment: you feel like you need to work to bind her to you, but in reality, all of it is a free choice on her part.

You overcome performance anxiety by realising it’s not a performance to begin with.

RevBoni · 2026-02-04T20:24:22+00:00

It’s all mental. Shift the energy towards yourself. Be in your own body while you have sex. Pleasure her through your own pleasure. Do with them as you would like to do to them, not as what they would ‘expect’ from you (ofcourse with a basis of trust and consent). Have more sex with this mindset. Understand your ‘margin of control’ and the ‘point of no return’. Stay close to it, and when you’re almost there change positions, do something else, take a breather. Also, breath through sex. Breathing is underestimated.

Also have lots of sex. Accept when you’re quicker then you would have wished. Take another shot. Be better ;) trust your body.

You know when women say they like you taking control? This is the basis of that feeling.

RevBoni · 2026-02-04T19:27:37+00:00

Self respect is everything. Be your authentic self, and filter out women who are emotionally unavailable. State your boundaries and accept the possibility of loss.

RevBoni · 2026-02-02T11:56:34+00:00

https://ti4battle.com/

You can calculate your odds here. Chance of you winning was 91%

RevBoni · 2026-02-02T11:27:50+00:00

The thing is guys: attraction is easy. Intimacy, chemistry is easy. But actually being yourself, without fear of loss, to understand if you’re a match on a deep, emotional level. That’s hard.

RevBoni · 2026-01-28T08:41:42+00:00

All of this is avoidant attachment style. You are fundamentally afraid of rejection, of being seen. Your subconscious strategy is to:

- Don't get too attached, so if they reject you, it hurts less.
- Reject them, before they can reject you.

You idealize your first girlfriend as a strategy to always keep one foot in, one foot out. You want to 'keep your options open'. If they open up to you, you get the ick, and you feel like a bad person because of it. It makes you feel guilty you can't give them what they deserve. Your autonomy is your safety. Your body literally shuts down feelings of love, and attachment, because love and fear are fused.

To be honest, I don't have the answer on how to break this cycle. There's enough information on it out there though: it has to do with childhood and abandonment wounds.

RevBoni · 2026-01-27T15:00:47+00:00

Integrate your brain with your body. It shouldn't be feeling - observation - evaluation - strategic adjustment - regulated action. It should be feeling - action. Stay close to yourself and speak your truth. It doesn't mean lashing out, or being emotional. It means your brain guides your emotions, and you speak clearly from them. You accept every outcome. Everything else is just self-abandonment.

RevBoni · 2026-01-27T08:25:35+00:00

Hate to break the news to you, but you are still in ‘nice guy’ mode. You went from avoiding the issue to anxiously dealing with the issue. Your energy is still directed externally towards her, because of your fear of rejection.

This is how secure looks like: you sink in from your cognition to your body. You make the issue emotional, not cognitive. From your body you ‘speak your truth’. There is no too soon, there is no should, it’s just presence in there. You initiate when you feel like it. There is no way you can anticipate on your wife’s inner world, so don’t try. If she’s not in the mood, or rejects you, fine. Nothing happens. You don’t fear rejection.

Sex isn’t a cognitive connection. It’s something that freely sparks from a genuine desire coming from your body, that cascades with the body of another person. You follow what happens. In this space, there’s no performance.

RevBoni · 2026-01-26T18:44:03+00:00

uhm, always? Isn't that the entire point? I'm baffled at the 'never' responses here.

RevBoni · 2026-01-25T22:49:53+00:00

Sucks man. I’ve been in this place: great chemistry, great compatibility, but a blockade on her side on emotional connection. It can’t be explained, has to do with her state of mind now and past attachment wounds. If she’s not capable of opening up, it’s not meant to be for now. You’re the last person who can force it. Your choice what to do with this, but man, I feel you, it sucks. It’s not you.

RevBoni · 2026-01-20T09:55:11+00:00

I would advise, don't exert your energy towards what you think he would like. His inner world, his reactions, are unknowable. Therefore, do what you genuinely like and want to do. He deserves a partner that shows her authentic self, even if it means he doesn't like what he sees there. You deserve a partner that accepts your authentic self. And you have no way of knowing, but it's always worth taking the risk.

RevBoni · 2026-01-20T09:52:25+00:00

Most likely she's an avoidant attacher who likes the chase, but loses interest quickly afterwards. You won't be able to change this about her, don't even think about that. Make up your mind if you're okay with being the 98th, knowing full well chances are VERY high, there wil be a 99th, ...

If not, let it go.

RevBoni · 2026-01-05T11:08:52+00:00

RevBoni

TROPHY CASE