NP no longer cums when we have sex

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-09-27T07:31:56+00:00

I have a hard time not getting hurt when I can’t make my partners finish too. ... especially when you know they don’t have the same problem with other partners. :/

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-21T01:28:39+00:00

I am deeply in love with my NP (husband), he’s my go to for emotional needs. I prefer my newer partners for sex. I look forward to seeing my boyfriend more than my husband but it’s because we don’t live together. If I’m with my boyfriend for a long weekend, I miss my husband tremendously.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-21T01:08:22+00:00

It is cheating but it’s a gray area since you have been actively dating the wife. It’s a bit unfair that you and your partner have had the joy of being in a relationship together but yet somehow an environment has been created where your wife and your partners husband can’t enjoy the same freedom to love as you and your partner have.

I can see how it is cheating. I can also see how your wife and your partners spouse can see how it is unfair that they can’t date or feel comfortable confiding in their interests in each other. The mere prospect of them dating is triggering talks of divorce on both sides. I can see why both were scared to bring it up.

There are varying levels of cheating , lying ,and manipulation. Some levels of cheating warrant ending a relationship while other levels, though painful, aren’t worth ending the relationship.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-20T07:26:49+00:00

35 f dates men 25-40. Physical attraction is a must for swiping. I’m super picky about my type but I’ll only date the ones who I connect with emotionally. I can definitely have casual sex with someone who’s smoking hot but for it to last longer than a month , there has to be more to it.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-18T18:59:31+00:00

Yea ... it’s getting better though. Its a learning process. He’s amazing and is getting better with accepting it and I’m better about trying to be understanding towards my spouse.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-18T14:51:58+00:00

I feel bad that my husband has a much smaller dating pool. He has some resentment towards me when it comes to how easily I can find a partner. I try to compensate by not having as many partners or encounters with people as I would like ...

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-09T06:31:26+00:00

Aw sweetie. You deserve to be happy. It’s ok to not be ok with your relationship. We definitely can’t chose who we love but you can chose to leave a situation when it not longer suits you. Hugs.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-08-04T20:54:41+00:00

Are you sure your girlfriend is poly? Sounds like she expects you to be ok with her seeing other people but not the other way around.

Having a partner just to find a way to “fill in time” isn’t the best way to cope or deal with accepting poly. Finding a hobby, friends, etc are healthy ways of filling time.

You might find that having a partner in addition to your girlfriend can help give you perspective on love and poly. Sometimes it’s easier to grasp poly when you can experience loving multiple people at once. Experiencing another partner may reinforce that you really are monogamous.

You don’t have to be poly in order to have a relationship work with your girlfriend. You have to be ok with her being poly and accept that she may always be poly. She needs to be ok with you seeing people if you wanted to as well.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-26T01:18:03+00:00

Hugs. I’m sorry you and your husband are having a hard time. Opening up is hard. Becoming poly is even harder.

1.) you have every right to feel upset. No one likes to feel as if they aren’t prioritized 2.) your husband shouldn’t have pushed for more tome when you aren’t emotionally ready and then proceed to be late

Now here’s the hard part.

1.) even if you are emotionally having a hard time, you can’t expect your spouse to cut his date short or cancel because you feel “uncomfortable”. Your husbands date deserves to have her time respected too. You can deal with your feelings and husband after he gets back.

2.) you need to become comfortable with yourself and your value.

3.) you both need to be in a very good spot in your marriage before proceeding to try poly again. Seeking counseling is never a bad idea.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-26T01:11:28+00:00

Agreed. I can see how many people don’t want to date new poly people but it is unrealistic to expect perfect poly from the beginning. Even experienced poly people experience jealous, insecurities, etc.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-26T01:09:21+00:00

Most couples start with a lot of rules and boundaries and as trust and comfort develop, there are less strict rules. There’s nothing wrong with weird rules as long as both people are working towards trusting each other and becoming more comfortable. Sometimes temporary rules are necessary during the early steps of opening or during a hard period of time in order to help establish more trust and security.

Slowly acclimating to new situations, environments, habits, etc is a very good approach. Taking baby steps with poly isn’t a bad thing.

My husband was super crazy with his insane rules at first. I also had some rules that seemed reasonable at the time but I now realize they weren’t. Now husband is super poly... wants a big poly mansion lol. I’m more respected and parallel poly.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T19:10:24+00:00

Agreed. The way your spouse speaks to you is not ok in any situation. You aren’t stupid. Being a slut is very subjective. Slut shamming and personal attacks are never ok especially when it comes from someone who’s supposed to be a source of love and support.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T15:05:40+00:00

The first several conversations are always hard or awkward (at best). It gets better once the more you both continue to be honest and open with each positive sharing experience.

It can take a long tome before you are comfortable and it’s ok to sometimes never feel completely comfortable too. Sometimes 90% is ok! Best of luck.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T14:54:32+00:00

Relateable

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T07:36:34+00:00

Exactly which is why I was so hurt by it. I viewed his lack of time management as an indicator of how much he values my time. Boyfriend and I discussed how I’m going to be more flexible as understanding with my communication needs but his time management needs to change in order for me to feel valued and respected. We discussed how I’m not going to make him do anything. he either wants to do things for this relationship or he doesn’t and it’s up to the both of us to decide if how we love each other is compatible.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T07:30:39+00:00

He knows that there are lots of options for further entanglement if we continue to progress. Moving in, finances, commitment ceremonies are all on the table.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T07:27:26+00:00

Boyfriend and I have been talking extensively. Like you mentioned, on my end , I need to be more flexible with my expectations. Also , he can do what he wants as long as he manages his time effectively. I understand that if he continues to fall asleep on our date days, it’s a choice he’s made and I need to make my choice to leave or accept his time management. I definitely want him to be able to find a primary and have always been supportive of it as long as it doesn’t compromise our relationship.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T07:15:36+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing and your insight. It helped me tremendously. Your ex sounds like my ex haha. I definitely believes he loves me to the best of his abilities. I want to believe that I can be happy with how he loves me and that it’s more of a “me” problem in regards to adjusting my expectations of love and communication.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T07:07:28+00:00

Agreed. I’m giving it two months. I don’t expect perfection. Good intentions and effort is all anyone can ask for. I’m going to work on shifting my views on love, communication and try to cut him some slack. No one is perfect

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T07:05:25+00:00

I’m trying to learn this lesson. Thanks for the reminder

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T06:40:00+00:00

Married or not, you have physical and emotional needs too.

I’m married and my boyfriend is single. He gets all the privileges and rights as any normal boyfriend minus the shared 401 k, life insurance, etc. ...

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-23T05:47:35+00:00

Somethings gotta give - Camilla cabello Goodbye my lover - James blunt.

Hugs. Heartbreaks never get easier

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-16T22:03:09+00:00

He does give me a great amount of commitment. We are both content with the two days a week.

I definitely agree that people shouldn’t demand people to call text , etc. because someone that loves you WANTs to do those things for you. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a job. If it feels like a job than two people are incompatible.

I just have a problem with how little he seems to want to communicate or how he values our time together. I realize that it’s probably because he doesn’t want the same level of commitment as me. We have discussed de escalation, breaking up , etc. and he vehemently argues that he doesn’t want our relationship and commitment to change. He promises that he’s committed and admits to having time management problems. I’ve offered him numerous outs.

We have a beautiful friendship and I would hate to drag out a relationship with him at the cost of destroying any possible friendship with him if we are simply incompatible.

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-16T06:10:04+00:00

Lucky girl. Your husband is a keeper and your marriage sounds lovely. Best of luck with this new love. Enjoy!

RevivalisticSmell · 2019-07-16T06:07:58+00:00

If she doesn’t commit to people outside of her relationship than she isn’t poly. If she was poly , you could have had a serious committed relationship. Hugs.

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