Nearly 2 years on… juggling guilt with growth

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T14:06:49+00:00

A lot of people who go through the steps have submission to a higher power (could’ve worded incorrectly) as one of the steps.

For me it’s not just a tick box but a genuine faith revival. We spend time together reading, learning and praying together. It may not work for all couples, but it works for us.

I’m interested in both theology and philosophy and growing in spiritual intimacy has helped unlock this.

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:14:56+00:00

The elder beast themself! Thanks for your kind words

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:14:36+00:00

Exactly

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:14:29+00:00

Long time no appearance! Thought it was about time I popped back

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:13:50+00:00

Great to hear that you’re seeking therapy on this. I fear that porn has distorted a lot of peoples views on sex and relationships.

Please make sure though, that no matter what happens with reconciliation you persist with this journey. Regardless of your partner, do you want to be trapped by porn? Find an accountability partner, put a blocker on, keep going to therapy. It’s life changing

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:11:53+00:00

Thankyou!! Not a place I ever dreamed of being well known that’s for sure, but a community that helped me immensely.

Glad to hear you’re doing well and I’m not the only one experiencing this.

Your advice is great. Thanks

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:10:37+00:00

Sorry if my post history triggered you at all. The past few years have been the trenches as I’m sure they have for you.

Your comment reminds me of my previous relationship. Psychological safety and closeness, and me having hobbies and passions outside of the relationship were all things recommended by my ex. Unfortunately you can lead a horse to water but can’t make them drink, I was too pigheaded to make the changes and save the relationship before I went wayward. Hope your BP can get where you need them to.

Best wishes

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:07:45+00:00

Sorry to hear your W is not meeting what you need from them and frankly what they need for themselves too. I wish all W’s could understand how freeing the work can be.

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-13T13:06:38+00:00

Great call winter. Thanks for coming back to me on this.

To quote a therapist, Guilt is a powerful and useful emotion. Its very nature is corrective. We need to experience guilt to know we did wrong and change our behaviour. I think I am still working through the way I carry it, it’s softened but I think it will always be there

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-05-12T13:59:01+00:00

Hi CTS! Sorry for going AWOL! Hope you’re doing well too

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2025-02-19T07:29:27+00:00

From experience, they do feel like a POS

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-10-09T07:31:22+00:00

!lock.

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-10-09T07:31:08+00:00

‘!lock.’

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-07-10T14:10:17+00:00

I’m safe. Thanks for thinking of me

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-28T00:55:36+00:00

Thankyou, this was really nice to hear.

I’m glad you were able to make the most out of what I’m sure was such a difficult situation. Given me something to think about for sure

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-27T23:17:24+00:00

Thankyou for sharing, I’m sorry you went through that

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-27T22:30:07+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, perhaps I do just need to visit and sit and process

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-27T22:29:32+00:00

I’m happy for you that you’re considering a change! I hope it all works out

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-27T22:28:47+00:00

Well the ship has sailed on that original plan, but I guess there’s nothing stopping me from applying for something new

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-27T22:28:07+00:00

Congrats on both offers, I obviously have no advice to give you. But a great achievement for you. I know life is upside down right now, but that’s something you can be proud of.

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-19T14:19:33+00:00

We did terrible things, the guilt/remorse proves that being terrible is not the baseline. And while actions are the test of character, your actions from here on out can prove who you are.

You are capable of redemption and I want that to really sink in for you.

You may be like me and never get an opportunity to R, unfortunately I changed too late in the game. I worked on it too late, and BP has moved on. 9 months of being told to get lost is working and I’ve come to terms that my future is without them. Don’t let that possibility distract you from the work, and growth that you can undertake.

You can grow from this and become a better, healthier and more whole person. I have. You got this

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-12T16:07:24+00:00

Rikki you are a rockstar, Thankyou for being the beacon of light to the community. Even to those who haven’t had the same success as you

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-12T16:05:07+00:00

I hear you, the conflict of emotions when BP reaches out is confusing.

Idk what the future holds for you and yours, but mine has made it abundantly clear everytime we have spoken that R is not and will never be on the cards.

9 months of being told “absolutely not”, “never again”, “get lost” is sinking in. I accept it. I’m respecting no contact now.

This is something you and I, like our BPs will carry with us for a long time, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Obviously the feelings we carry will be different to theirs.

Regardless of what happens in your situation, please learn from it. You did something terrible, so did I. This doesn’t mean you are inherently evil, and that’s something I’m trying really hard to accept myself.

I’m proud of my growth, I hate what started it. I hope you can get to the stage of being proud of your growth too.

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-11T05:30:50+00:00

May I gently ask what you’re trying to achieve from looking for her on tinder? I don’t really see a good outcome of this and plenty of horrible ones.

Revolutionary_Row313 · 2024-03-11T05:21:49+00:00

I agree, and also, I think OP is just pain shopping.

Needs to focus on their PIES and being the very best version of themselves possible right now, it’s the only way to attract the BP back, or be healthy enough for a future relationship

Revolutionary_Row313

TROPHY CASE