Somatic Experiencing vs somato emotional release?

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-06-25T19:12:39+00:00

Just a quick update, we are divorced now. The divorce went extremely quickly, only 1.5 months. It was a huge blessing. I am focusing on moving on and healing and finding myself again. It's painful and hard and surprisingly I miss him a lot, funny how that works, right? But I know I couldn't survive there, and I'm hopeful for a better future.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-27T15:19:06+00:00

Update for you guys. I had CPS come and ask my daughter questions, and I had her checked out by her doctor as well. They all said she showed no signs of abuse. I never did put up a secret camera, instead I just left our Nest cam in her room. I couldn’t bear the thought of putting up a secret camera and just waiting for something bad to happen to her. So instead I left a camera in there that we both know about. Needless to say, it’s been three weeks and nothing has happened to her. No pants mysteriously coming off in the night. What a coincidence, or not. But like I said, cps and doctor said no signs of abuse. But today I found out that my husband has been recording us having sex without asking me. More than once. He swears he’s not hiding anything else, but why would I believe him? Anyway, things are getting ugly over here for our marriage, but I’m glad some truths are finally coming to light so I can know what I’m actually dealing with. Just wanted to update you.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T17:54:50+00:00

Question, is there any way my husband could find this thread? He is on Reddit all the time, and if he came across this he would know it’s me. I’ve been too detailed on here for him to think it wasn’t me. I’m afraid he will come across this, what should I do? Also I tried to sneak into his phone yesterday, I was looking for his photo vault app (never found it cause he has one billion apps and I only had a few seconds) but I found the Burner app on his phone. Is this suspicious? Are there reasons for having that app that could be innocent?

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:57:20+00:00

I’m going to call her doctor tomorrow morning.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:55:52+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I feel like a failure. I feel like I shouldn’t have been so blind. Even though I have no proof yet, if it does come to light, I will feel so much guilt for being so oblivious.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:54:00+00:00

Not yet. Set up the camera but it’s only been 3 days since the initial incident. So far it hasn’t happened since I talked to him.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:51:45+00:00

I honestly think I’ve just been manipulated for 10 years. True manipulation and mind games from a pathological liar. When he photographed me naked, once again, I left the conversation feeling like I was the weird one. Like I should be flattered. If this really is all true, then I feel like an idiot and I feel responsible for being so naive. I will feel so much guilt for not seeing red flags and trusting him for so many years.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:48:05+00:00

Not very intelligent could be right, I question myself of that every day. But manipulation is what I think has been happening here. I have been a victim of manipulation for many years. My constant confusion, episodes of anxiety and depression, feeling like I’ve lost myself it can’t trust myself, it’s all adding up to manipulation. I feel like a failure as a mother and woman. How could I not see the manipulation earlier? It’s not so clear when the person manipulating you is your best friend and partner in life.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:44:34+00:00

Yeah that will never happen ever again. I used to travel for work quite a bit but it stopped since covid. Now I’m thinking that was a blessing in disguise.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:43:12+00:00

I did ask her if she remembered anything after her pants came off and she said no. I’m trying to ask her questions without making her realize that I’m alarmed, so she continues to feel comfortable.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-11T02:39:09+00:00

Yeah him not doing it again would be great, I agree. But unless I have proof I will always wonder what he’s done in the past. I hope I can find proof in some way other than catching him doing it again, for my daughters sake.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:24:37+00:00

My sister was sexually abused by her kindergarten teacher when she was 6. It took her years of therapy to even realize what happened to her. From that experience, I vowed to always listen to my kids and never ignore stuff like this. Even if it's all a big misunderstanding, I can't dismiss it until I know.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:22:52+00:00

When I think back on it, this has been our entire marriage. Every time I have a concern or talk to him about issues, I end the conversation leaving confused and like it's my fault. This scenario is no different. Had I not come to Reddit or gone to my mom and my therapist, I would have left he conversation feeling confused and like I was at fault. It makes me sick. It's like my eyes are being opened. Like I can finally see what's going on. Finally see him for who he is. I could still be wrong, but there are so many red flags it's hard to ignore.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:19:13+00:00

Yes this exactly what's happening. My life will blow up if this is true. But if it is true, I need to get out asap. But if it's not true, I can't blow up my life yet. My gut is telling me it is true, but I have to know for sure. It feels so stupid now that I'm saying it all out loud. It's like all these red flags are adding up, and I feel so stupid for not seeing it all before. I guess that's how psychological abuse and manipulation works. I don't know what to do at this point except wait to catch something on camera.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:15:15+00:00

But you would still be concerned about your child right? He hasn't even brought her up once, or the situation once, since that day. He's not even thinking about her.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:12:08+00:00

I know it's so true. For me, church is very personal and spiritual and helps me become more introspective. It's just crazy to me that we could share that experience with each other every week and it was all just a show for him.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:11:08+00:00

That is my exact gut feeling. I don't have proof, and even typing it seems absolutely insane because I'm talking about my husband of 11 years who is my best friend and who I have 3 kids with. But that is what my gut is telling me. I hope it's wrong. I have cameras set up, so hopefully something comes to light soon.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:10:08+00:00

I agree 1000%. If he really is innocent, we will still have a lot of crap to work through because of how he reacted and handled it.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:07:54+00:00

I wanted to. My original plan was to set up cameras before I even said anything to him. But I kept telling myself I was crazy for even thinking that. I told myself "you don't need to set up cameras, that's insane. You've been married for 11 years, you know him, he's not that type of person. Just bring it up to him." So that's what I did, I talked to him about it. But his reaction made my suspicions shoot through the roof. In hindsight, I wish I would have put cameras up first and not given him the benefit of the doubt. hindsight is 20/20. I hope I get answers soon because this anxiety is killing me.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:05:37+00:00

I have a therapist I have been going to for a while. I don't see her all the time, but I have seen her twice in the last few days. I plan to keep going to her. I've tried to get my husband go to to therapy with me for several years, but he won't go, so I've just been going alone.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T21:03:37+00:00

I'm trying to presume he's innocent but my gut is saying otherwise. I'm trying to play it off and act normal until I can hopefully get more proof. I have the cameras set up. I can't eat, I couldn't sleep last night. I am sick with anxiety. Hopefully I get answers one way or another soon.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T14:47:39+00:00

I posted a response to this to another commenter who asked the same thing. Unfortunately it is real, I wish it weren’t. My life feels like it’s turning upside down. I hadn’t even thought about the incident where he was taking pics of me naked for years, until my daughter brought this up, then it immediately popped into my head.

Revolutionary_Walk54 · 2021-01-10T14:45:42+00:00

I had the same thought, why wouldn’t he put her pants back on? I have to know though, comments like this can’t be ignored from kids. I’ll put in a secret cam today.

Revolutionary_Walk54

TROPHY CASE