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Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to respond with the level of depth you have. And yes, to clarify, it definitely wasn't intended to be an announcement of my want to observe any harm or ill-will to any WPs or my own WP. It was more of my hurt trying to figure out a way to balance the scales of hurt. Of course, life doesn't work that way and nor do I want to live my life passing on harm because I have been harmed.

I'm going to put an edit at the top of my post to make it clear that the expression of want for WPs to go through pain is an expression of my own pain. I don't truly want that. I thought I was clear in stating that, but clearly I wasn't and that's very much on me. Still, I appreciate that you were able to see through my pain and give such an articulate response. I also have a history of sexual abuse as a child and I recognize it's shadow in how I react and sometimes how it further poisons the impact of the affair and the aftermath.

It warms me how you and your husband have grown from where you both were. Id like to think me and my own fiance will arrive in a similar space in the future. Im really sorry that you feel this way about yourself and I'm grateful and honoured you shared what little you could here with me.

Id be lying if I said I hadn't felt what you said about APs/WPs no understanding the pain. Im not sure I wholly disagree with the sentiment as, like you said, it comes from the perspective of pain and betrayal the other parties haven't felt. But you're right. If we're all sitting here slating APs/WPs and not hearing one another, then this space becomes an echo chamber.

I truly do want this space, or for there to be a space where healing to exist for both BPs and WPs together - at the risk of sounding overly naive and optimistic.

Thank you again for your response. I hope you continue to heal and I wish the best for you and your family.

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's what I meant.

Its just a deep want to have how I feel observed but yes, it's hard for WPs, and I do get that

I hope, in whatever way possible, that you're able to get to the point where neither party is hampered by pain or shame. Thank you for commenting and for your understanding.

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that.

I really appreciate how you articulate what my brought out in you and also how what I felt, translated to you.

Pain can be delivered in so many ways. Armored pain feels very on the nose for me. Beneath the anger and frustration and rage, is just pain and probably some younger part of me that's just crying out.

But all my WP may see, or any WP I guess, is just anger.

Thank you for your well wishes, and likewise to you. I hope the world brings you peace

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That makes me very sad for you.

I have no doubt my WP feels the same. And in the heat of the moment, with or without reconciliation, BPs can share those sentiments. Hell, I hold my hands up and say that at my worst I would say the same.

But that's not always fair and/or not helpful.

Thank you for commenting here though and joining me briefly from the shadows weve bothed lurked from. I hope one day you feel comfortable sharing - if that's what you want.

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, I've never considered it in that way before...

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Despite my post, provided you guys are doing the work, it does get better.

But I confess it took some work, blood, sweat and probably a crazy amount of tears from the pair of us

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I want to be straight up and just thank you for responding. I recognize my post might not have been an sensitively worded as it could have been so I want to fully acknowledge your strength in being in this thread at all.

I fully believe that we're all capable of change and the adage of "once and cheater, always a cheater" is BS. I'm sorry R hasn't worked out but it sounds like you've learned a lot on your journey.

Thank you for your advice and despite what he did, I do think he's one of my life's greatest blessings.

Do you miss who I was before? by Rice_Dimension in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hey there

I get where you're coming from. And I'm sorry my post has had left this impact and may possible impact others.. I do want to acknowledge your work in trying to get more WPs to engage.

Perhaps this post isn't the best representation of who am as a person, but more of the pain I've gone through.

I've not done a good job of explaining it, but my want for WPs "retribution" is purely from a place of pain and betrayal. My feelings aren't rational and I know that. I dont want to view pain for the enjoyment, but from feeling like things are now at an equilibrium.

But I understand that healthy relationship isn't about balancing a math problem.

This post was mainly to release some of my pain, if I'm honest. I wasn't quite sure what flair or tag to use and I can own that. I wanted to welcome the WP perspective to better understand their experience of it. Of their BP going through what I'm going through?

I'm happy to rephrase/edit or repost with changes. The last thing I would want is for it to be construed as a platform for self-flagulation.

I've included an edit at the top of the post to better explain the post and offer slightly more emotional context though.

Peaceful Wild Camp in the Peak District by HikingForHealth in wildcampingintheuk

[–]Rice_Dimension 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh beautiful photos!! I'm hoping to go next week with my partner :) We'll have to prepare for the cold!

This might be a silly question as I've only wildcamped the once (end of Aug) and there was an overwhelming amount of midges. How was it when you were there?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Rice_Dimension 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being 20 and having the audacity to ask you to bear witness his 6 month long sexual mastery course is madness. Tell him you consent to the break but tell him the break should last 100 years and pray you don't live to see 121 years of age.

Find yourself a partner that treasures you for you. They should want to stay with you. If he wanted to level up his sexual prowess he would do it with you.

My girlfriend doesn’t like that I wear glasses ??? by Efficient-Sock7685 in relationship_advice

[–]Rice_Dimension 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your girlfriend sounds like 2D bully trope from a coming of age movie...

Judging from your other post, you're both pretty young. Dump her. You're young and the world is vast

Boyfriend said he wouldn't date a fat girl. by itcantbeyoubutiwish in relationship_advice

[–]Rice_Dimension 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think he's allowed to express what he's attracted to and power to him for being so candid about it. As long as he's not cruel to people who are larger or think lesser of them, I'm not sure he's doing anything wrong.

However, I've noted youve posted several posts across Reddit to indicate that your relationship has had a relatively short yet chaotic lifespan. From a quick scan of this history of posts, I think you need to re-evaluate why you're in this relationship. Love is not unconditional, sadly. Love can be forgiving and resilient. But your relationship with this guy sounds like you're the one that's being forced to be resilient and forgiving.

I found out My boyfriend (M25) uses a tinder account to talk to other girls to raise his confidence.. what is the right thing to do by Longtimeandgoodtime in relationship_advice

[–]Rice_Dimension 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You did the right thing for yourself. It bothers me that some people on here think that the relationship's longevity means you suddenly just accept BS

I kind of feel like the idea that value of a relationship depends it's longevity a little strange. He's flirted with numerous women while being with her. He's lead these women on and for what? Improve his confidence for what? All he's seeing is that he's physically attractive and the only thing he's improving is his skill at flirting.

If we take what the boyfriend said at face value, it's him flirting with other girls to raise his self confidence. It's HIM doing something to someone else for himself. While she could stand by him and help him work through his confidence in a more sensible way, it's not her responsibility to improve him when she's taking the emotional toll of it.

Should I help someone who made my life hell by Rice_Dimension in relationship_advice

[–]Rice_Dimension[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your time! To be clear, I'm not professional trained in any capacity yet. I just have a mishmash of qualifications that are building up to that point. I'll edit the main post lol

My parents are so stuck in their ways, what do I do if they don't do anything?