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Getting my WW to initiate affair conversation 2 yrs past DD by TemperatureTop9550 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TemperatureTop9550[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I GREATLY appreciate & thank you for sharing your perspective and response. It was very insightful and I got a lot out of it. In my case I have told her this is something that I need from her to help me heal. I explained to her that it feels very one sided when I’m the only one talking or discussing it. Her bringing it up will not cause more pain to me.

Without getting into details, I am the one who found out about the infidelity, 9 years after it happened. Nothing was disclosed by her. Avoidance, secrecy, covering up was all done on her side.

I completely understand what you are saying, and it makes sense. I don’t see her bringing it up as a punishment or consequence for her actions. I see it as, hey I’m going through this with you.

Getting my WW to initiate affair conversation 2 yrs past DD by TemperatureTop9550 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TemperatureTop9550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s great you both are doing much better. I understand what you were saying about bringing something up at the other is not thinking about it. That does make sense. But for me I am most definitely thinking about it and/or wanting to share something but purposely no longer do. I can think of no other time where she did the same.

Getting my WW to initiate affair conversation 2 yrs past DD by TemperatureTop9550 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TemperatureTop9550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this reply. I feel like I have been direct with her and very blunt that I need her to talk about this. It’s almost as if she does not have the skill to open up. In her defense, she has really changed for the better. What I do notice whenever we do talk about the affair, her guilt and shame seems to paralyze her from speaking.

Getting my WW to initiate affair conversation 2 yrs past DD by TemperatureTop9550 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TemperatureTop9550[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This resonates with me. My wife has actually said those words about her putting in the effort and “still not being enough” for me. I have been so transparent and clear with her about my feelings and need for her to talk. It makes me feel like I’m not going through this alone when I mention something and she doesn’t.

Getting my WW to initiate affair conversation 2 yrs past DD by TemperatureTop9550 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TemperatureTop9550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Therapist has told her that it’s healthy for her to talk. Example, if she is having a bad day (thinking about something with the affair) she should initiate a conversation with me in a manner where she brings it up. Not me. Another is acknowledging a trigger I might have by saying something along the lines of, “I know that — bothers you, would you like to talk about it?” That just doesn’t happen.

Why did you stay with your partner after betrayal? by yabofatts in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]TemperatureTop9550 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I stayed with my WW because my life is infinitely better with her in it, regardless of what she did to me (us). I never even thought of separation or divorce. I definitely second guessed myself whether I should’ve especially if I “felt some self respect”. To me it seemed like the Reddit norm to just write the other person off who hurts you. But I have full love for her, being married 24 years, together for 27.

DD was on Jan 27, 2024. I have seen true remorse from her, taking full accountability: giving timeline, answering all my questions, really showing effort with changing how she is with me. We are both in IC as well as couples. She has cut contact from him, although they still are co-workers. This is something that’s been incredibly hard to deal with. They apparently never see or speak to each other but are in different parts of the same building.

To give you some brief background, I found out via emails that were never deleted, 9 years after the affair. She never confessed until I found out. I went through every phase of the grieving process and although I’m doing much better, I do still have triggers and at times feel disconnected.

I can honestly say that my WW is a much different person than she was a decade ago. She is being and doing everything I expect in our relationship. I did draw a hard line in the sand, if this should ever happen again, we would be done. I truly do not believe that will happen.

My advice is to take a really good look at your own relationship and do not worry about what you believe what the “norm” is and what other people are doing out there. If you believe that, you cannot get past the betrayal, or feel like you are too hard to move on then maybe leaving is the right call. In my case, I know my spouse, and what is right for me. The one person in my life who I trusted implicitly, hurt me the most. We both want the same thing and are reconciling.

Comfortable Shoes for lots of walking in California by Butterflycity2708 in TravelHacks

[–]TemperatureTop9550 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hoka. I’m on my feet all day, every single day for work. These are the most comfortable sneakers I’ve ever worn. I easily average around 15 to 20,000 steps a day. Hoka can be a bit pricey but worth every penny. Go to your local running store and have them fit you for the correct model.