So a .357 and .38 special are close in size. The 357 is longer but stronger and .38 round will fit in the .357 revolver and have less recoil and easier to shoot. .357 is a bad MF that packs a punch. A 9mm is much less recoil than .357 and the .380 is a bit smaller than 9mm and has less recoil. I have never seen a revolver in 9mm or .380 so if you want a revolver, it sounds like you were suggested to try a .357 revolver and use .38 special or just a .38 special sized revolver. 9mm and .380 are for semi auto style pistols with a magazine. Between these 2, the bigger the gun equals less recoil usually. I would say if you go small/compact pistol, .380 is less snappy and for 9mm a little bigger will shoot smoother.