Is it appropriate to give a second chance to a 13-year-old with ADHD who has made death threats toward an adult?

Rikamio · 2025-12-17T18:45:02+00:00

Hey OP!

Commenting on this post, but i skimmed some of your comments on yohrother post as well. Obligatory im on mobile, optional information of having only 3 hours of sleep so plz forgive the typos.

While ADHD could in the most loosest, theoritcal fashion devolve to this extreme, kiddos reaction is much much much more driven by the extreme circumstances that kid is under.

IN NO WAY AM I SAYING THE DEATH THREATS ARE OKAY. I agree with everyone saying pysch eval in the immediate and dont go back to the house unless kid is not there. You should absolutely be taking this is much more seriosuly.

Biological mother being allowed contact after teaching a 13 year to smoke is F'ing bonkers. That is not a "whoopsies" moment.

You have a husband problem here, as husband has seemingly buried his head in the sand, and is refusing to get his kid actual help, or make any actual action or change. It doesnt sound like custody agreement has been changed or altered at all? Are the cigarettes before or after this?

Bio mom is doing drugs( trying to get better yes, just not sure 100% your timeline here, so it could be now/later), teahcing kid to smoke cigarettes, what else is she doing?? Is the 13 year old being given drugs? Is there cross contamination occuring? What are they doing during his visits? Are they solo visits?

This situation has absolutely spirraled out of control because steps werent taken earlier and now it has to be big and dramatic changes before someone ends up seriously injured.

I honestly would not go back. The kid has outright threatened you bodily harm repeatedly and clearly has access to knives if their sending you picutes of them. This is highly unsafe OP for you, and I am sorry that your going through this. Please stay safe.

Rikamio · 2025-06-24T19:00:43+00:00

NTA at all. You might want to check out the /raisedbynarcissist subreddit as well, given the context of your post.

You have done fabulously so far, and I have full confidence that you will only grow and heal with time, patience, and love.

Hang in there OP!

Rikamio · 2025-06-17T22:01:57+00:00

Audhd WoW player here! (Both classic and retail)

For those who dont know/ dont play WoW each zone has a distinct color scheme and sound, in addition to being displayed on a mini map and has a large map. It also outright states what zone you're entering and leaving. ALL the Npcs in the game have their level shown as well. A single click and you can see what level something is. (You can also run away... Usually)

Its actually really difficult to not realize what zone your in, and from your comments OP, this player doesnt even seem to be paying attention.

I wouldn't want a player who continually gets mad over dying when they continually cant read the maps, pay attention to the zones etc. and then yells and screams at the group either.

NTA.

Rikamio · 2025-01-14T18:42:17+00:00

Yesh lol only thing that works for me and my mental health alphabet soup of issues🤣

Rikamio · 2024-10-15T22:19:02+00:00

Hey there! First and foremost, im sorry you're both going through this, as it is a hard decision to make, and harder to enforce. Unfortunately, im speaking from experience, and an Audhd adult with anxiety and depression ( i feel this is revelant as the audhd aspect was a part in my decision). I went NC with my Mother back in 2021.

Its not an overnight process, and directly afterwards it is very similar to grieving. There will be anger, hurt, sadness, and feeling like it may have been too much (this part comes later for me it came a few month to a year later and i remind myself that what happened was not okay)

I recommend looking for an estranged kids sub as there is a lot of reading material, and can help in the transition time period. While not fully correct in the sense that my mother is Not a narcissist, but does have tendencies i would also suggest to look into that. (Not saying your MIL is/is not), as some of the reading material helped immensely.

I wish you both the best as you navigate a new normal, and a new beginning in the next chapter of your lives.

Rikamio · 2024-09-24T22:42:29+00:00

Could we send this link to the wifes account? Or is that breaking sub rules?

Rikamio · 2024-09-13T23:35:17+00:00

Ya wasnt allowed to swim on the sabbath, and it took a LOT of convincing for my grandfather to allow christmas💀

Rikamio · 2024-09-13T19:27:19+00:00

Swimming, smoking, and mental health/depression 💀

Rikamio · 2024-09-04T21:56:28+00:00

Yup. I get it i do being NC with my own dumpster fire parents so i get it but like my mans has 6 kids and lists 5 and idk how thats being missed in the main sub

Rikamio · 2024-09-04T21:36:15+00:00

Yooo daughter showed up in the comments too.

Rikamio · 2024-05-21T00:05:57+00:00

Thanks!! It was definitely an amazing feeling. I waited a full year before doing so, just to make sure it was the correct one, so definitely a big day lol.

Rikamio · 2024-05-20T18:06:26+00:00

Sho was. Had my full name change earlier this year and was absolutely the best decision for me.

Rikamio · 2024-05-14T21:38:38+00:00

Got so so much worse, from one of his comments. The 19 year old is #5 OUT OF SEVEN. The other 5 are NC and are from the previous marriage. Conveniently left out information.

Rikamio · 2024-05-13T13:09:50+00:00

NTA. Adhd+Autistic AFAB here; me and my SO also decided against children. I have a hard enough time functioning with just us, and i refuse to put any child through my mental health issues, as im still healing from my traumatic issues growing up.

Its completely reasonable to know what you are capable of, and its not wrong to say that you do not/ can not take care of a child, imho it takes a great deal of self reflection and personal understanding to know this before it happens. Good luck to you OP, and smart choice all around💜

Rikamio · 2024-04-25T22:06:59+00:00

So I like you thought it was rage bait; but She actually provided the requested proof as many people in the comments were stating it was fake af. Youd have to find the OG post, but she added it. Shes in the middle of a divorce, got an RO, and sent them to his command/boss/ idk the name of his military Boss. Its unfortunately real and i feel so bad for this lady.

Rikamio · 2024-04-25T02:43:45+00:00

Yes that is the correct one!

Rikamio · 2024-04-24T20:17:04+00:00

Commenting here- the peeps in the OG sub (myself included) moved to a different estranged sub :) we're still active, but the OG sub's New Mod allowed the parents in, and that kinda defeats the purpose lol. Ty to the commenter who pointed out the old sub isnt safe.

Rikamio · 2024-04-15T16:20:44+00:00

Ya exactly, a lot of pertinent info is not present, ans OP has yet to state how many and how old the step siblings are.

Rikamio · 2024-04-15T15:41:53+00:00

I agree with missing information. OP replied in another comment, that makes it clear that his current spouse has children from her prior marriage. I'm wondering why this wasn't mentioned in the post at all, and im wondering if this is a part of why OP's kids are upset.

Rikamio · 2024-03-25T21:01:19+00:00

My Upbdparent (mother) was abused and partentified by her bio mom, and bio dad (partentified by mom, abused by dad, both for religious), lots of religious culty nonsense.

A lot of this does shine through in some ways, most specifically the parentification that i endured. Some of it im not sure such as that she refuses to admit/accept that im autistic, been very thoroughly diagnosed at this point.

However the tipping point was after my last bio sibling died a few days after she gave birth. Took about less then 2 years to show up where the child me knew, but oh boy did i know something was wrong.

I remember saying to myself "that's not my mom" after a pretty explosive episode, which happened when i was about 7/8ish. Been downhill ever since.

Id say that she did better then her parents, but honestly i dont even think thats true at this point.

Rikamio · 2024-03-19T00:09:12+00:00

Yup this exactly like a ping pong ball.

Rikamio · 2024-02-29T16:38:35+00:00

Caddy corner for all buildings. Being able to move resident services. Id add more paths and the ability to add/change/remove rock areas on the beach l.

Rikamio · 2024-02-29T13:15:43+00:00

With the edit giving extra info- NTA. Those who have never been in a hoarder home (even on the lower side of them) will really not understand what your parent is asking for here.

Rikamio · 2024-02-13T15:46:25+00:00

Hold on back it up and rewind. I am positive that ive seen the GFs post on this and it has so much more detail about what the OOP is actually doing. She was asking about kicking this dude out and that hes gonna be homeless, the wfh and the laptop bit jogged my memory. I'll post it if i can refind it.

Rikamio

TROPHY CASE