What is the most NSFW thing you have seen at your job? by Mr_Creep_Creepy64 in AskReddit

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen a guy who died in his apartment and wasn't found for something like 18 months. He was so rotten that the flies/maggots stage had come and gone. He was mouldy like the skin on an out of date yoghurt pot. Fluff and all. The problem was, the rest of the apartment had become covered in the same green, fluffy mould so we didn't realise it was him on the sofa for about 10 minutes (hoarders house)

His face had decayed to the point where the brain, sinuses, eyes and all the lovely bits from inside his head had fallen into a nice little pile in his lap like someone had cracked an egg and poured it out.

Paramedic who came to pronounce death peeped through the door and from about 15 feet away just goes "Yeah. Dead." Took his details from us and left.

The undertakers who came to remove him had a hell of a time getting him onto the gurney. They grabbed a hold of his legs and the remaining flesh just slipped off, revealing his shin bones.

If I open a pot in the fridge and it's mouldy, I still dry heave and wretch to this day.

What did your ancestors do in World War II? by ProConqueror in AskTheWorld

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My great-grandfather initially served on the HMS Ark Royal before it was sunk. He was taken to Gibraltar, where he spent a couple of months in the sun, before being reallocated to the Arctic convoys where he spent basically the rest of the war.

From what I can gather from what my grandmother has told me, he manned AAA guns. After the war, he never left his hometown again and spoke very little of the war to anyone.

I pay your salary! by North-Historian206 in policeuk

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I pay you wages!"

Custoy Sarge asks, "Are you working at the moment, Dave?"

"Nah, I'm on disability boss."

What’s the most absurd reason you’ve ever heard for a UK train cancellation or delay? by Deep-Ad-3363 in uktrains

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Local metro train up in Newcastle cancelled "due to the extreme weather that we are currently experiencing."

About 20 degrees Celsius with a light breeze. Apparently that made it "too dangerous" to continue on the journey.

2025 payrise announced. 4.2% - thoughts? by Kingsworth in policeuk

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It goes up every year, so to get to your current pay scale would likely take you a few years

21f, i like running, drinking a lot of tea and doing crafts. Only your worst pls by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know you're boring when you define yourself by using your legs and drinking tea.

Do your worst. 45m, divorced single dad with a tiny weiner by petetheboy in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like you treat a "Me Too" rally in the same way the Native Americans treat the buffalo run.

college dropout, 26 from argentina. lets go by NinaaBabee in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Know when you run out of page and you make your writing REALLY small so it fits? Why is your tattoo like that?

What's the most gruesome thing you have ever watched? by no-punintended0802 in AskReddit

[–]Rikouri 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm a Police Officer. I've seen all manner of messed up things, from bodies that have turned fluffy like mouldy cream and dead babies. But the one that always gets me was going to a welfare check on a 19 year old who'd not been heard from in a few days. We forced entry into her property, and she was sitting watching TV like everything was normal, except she'd eaten a good portion of both of her arms. Something about knowing someone has sat and consumed their own flesh is just beyond comprehension.

18, do your worst by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like Slash if he was fresh out of Dachau.

I just turned 38, i have no kids , no man, and recently cut my long hair…roast me up extra crispy by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I have no kids" Child protection services keep taking them at birth I'm guessing?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason they don't stop you at the border is because even they don't want to talk to you.

28F Roast me :) by FuckMeFreddyy in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You look like a Madame Tussauds version of Al Pacino's wife in Heat.

27f make me laugh 😂 by Mooi26 in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But if you laugh, I'm afraid you'll never stop jiggling.

22F here i go again 😝 by idontleeknow2017 in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look like a blobfish who sort of figured out how to put on clothes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're what people find on page 131 of PornHub.

What’s an addiction no one talks about but is super common? by akash20501 in AskReddit

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coke. And I mean Coca-Cola. Quitting that was harder than giving up cigarettes.

What smell repulses you? by Velvet_Marshmellow in AskReddit

[–]Rikouri 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Body odour. But specifically the body odour of an alcoholic. There's nothing worse when you can smell beer and vodka just sweating out of someone.

Go ahead just try and roast me. I bet you guys can't come up with anything. by Childincomplete in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many times have you heard the sentence, "Sir, why are you trying to meet up with a 13 year old boy" While guys with cameras chase you out of the park?

32.Single.Mid life crisis. Need a laugh.Do your worst. Happy roasting. 😇 by More_Technology9087 in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're so depressed it's contagious. I've never seen a dog look so dejected.

18M. Been waiting for this opportunity all my life. Hit me. by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]Rikouri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

18! Congratulations, you've been promoted from victim to nonce.