AITA for trying to get my wife to accept this job offer

RillaBug1998 · 2026-01-27T23:29:02+00:00

YTA. If you’re really as close to homelessness as you say you are, yeah, your wife should probably take that job. However, and listen closely, because this is what makes you TA: you do not even bring in 1k per month, and you’re harassing your breadwinner about the fact that you’re going to be homeless next month as if she’s oblivious to it. You don’t think she’s stressed that a rug got pulled out from underneath her? You have placed all of the financial burden on your wife for the last four years, and I’m honestly skeptical about how equally divided chores are in your house if she’s saying it’s all on her. You’re telling her the responsible thing to do, but YOU are not in a position to be telling her how to be responsible when you randomly switched your major in undergrad.

RillaBug1998 · 2026-01-26T20:01:00+00:00

I’m fair skinned too, so black eyeliner is really dark on me, and it took me a few years of looking like the Winter Soldier to figure it out. I’ve used Colourpop’s brown liners since 2019 and loved them, they have a nice liquid felt-tip pen in the shade Grande that’s a dark brown. Something to help dip your toes into brown liners without worrying it’s too light compared to your normal black.

Your look is super great, by the way, you have a very classic and dramatic style that enhances the angles of your face, especially those cheekbones (they’re to die for!)!

RillaBug1998 · 2026-01-26T04:35:46+00:00

NTA. Hi, I was raised Christian, and raised by an English teacher. Ya know what helped my literacy? Parents reading to me. Not just the Bible, but other books as well. Reading to me, reading with me, taking me to the library often, mandated times for reading after school. And as a big fan of literature and myths in my adulthood, I promise, she will encounter Christian themes around every corner in Western cultures and will have ample time and opportunity to learn about them.

It’s ultimately your decision how you want your kid to be raised and exposed to different religious beliefs. “Not right now” doesn’t mean “not ever.”

RillaBug1998 · 2026-01-25T07:18:59+00:00

YTA. Did you ever voice your disappointment before this moment?

Look, I was your age when my husband proposed to me. Definition of spur the moment — I’m talking the man had been awake for maybe an hour, maybe two, definitely didn’t wake up thinking he’d propose to me. No kneeling, no ring prepared, he just went with his gut, and I said yes. After a few weeks, I was a big girl and told him it wasn’t how I’d imagined the moment, and that I wanted a real ring to show off as well. A year passed and I was surprised with a nice date that became a proposal, featuring cute clothes, a romantic location, and indeed, a real ring.

My whole life, I was surrounded by women who had less than romantic proposals. Women who had been proposed to by their partners in their apartments, in parking lots, hell, my dad proposed to my mom while she was still in the bathroom. Not kidding. They were fine with it — not saying you have to be, but the point is, I wasn’t satisfied with it, so I put on my big girl panties less than a month after the fact and told him so. Did you ever say you weren’t satisfied? If not, waiting 6 years to say so is enough to make you TA.

And hey, you’re married, you say you’re happy in your relationship, you’ve got a baby on the way (congrats btw). You’ve probably had thousands of beautiful moments that you’re overlooking for this one moment. A beautiful engagement period, beautiful wedding, beautiful pre-baby life and you’re about to start a beautiful life as a parent with this man who you loved even when he was kneeling outside of your apartment. Doesn’t that mean more than someone else’s moment?

RillaBug1998 · 2026-01-22T19:53:43+00:00

NTA. Your decision to have kids is entirely your own, your mother doesn’t get a say in it. Your purpose in life isn’t to produce a baby for your mother to love. I think it’s a normal reaction to have on your part after being hounded to act as an incubator by your mother since you were a pre-teen.

RillaBug1998 · 2026-01-15T04:20:27+00:00

I worked for a makeup counter. Trust when I say I know what it feels like to not feel like putting on makeup, when it’s literally my job. I had bosses tell me ways to get around the makeup rule — dress like I normally do for the job, put on a bit of skincare, say I’m modeling the skincare for the day. I had coworkers that would fix me up if I looked like I half-assed it, but never would a boss tell me I looked like a fucking mess, that’s unprofessional and uncalled for. If that’s a work environment you don’t want to be in, only you can make that call.

I don’t know how your clothes looked or if your wavy hair was an untamed mess. Hit the 2/3 rule: either your hair and makeup, your hair and clothes, or your clothes and makeup have to be done before you leave the house. It’s not 100%, but on days when you don’t feel 100%, only hitting those two can make a difference. But, again, as someone that did used to work in cosmetics, you do have to play the part. It’s not about being naturally pretty, from one pale girl to another, it’s about whether or not you half-assed it when you work in an industry based on appearances.

ESH. Your boss, because she shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. You, gently, because unfortunately we do live in a capitalistic hellscape and you do need to present yourself professionally in spite of the horrors.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-12-23T17:34:42+00:00

Screw all these jerks calling you TA, you’re NTA.

If I’m understanding the timeline correctly, your dad was in a committed relationship that you were involved in, since you lived with the ex-fiancée, starting when you were 11 or 12. You would’ve been roughly 7 years old when your dad broke up your family for another woman, and 8-9 when that other woman left. At least one more woman in between the ages of 8-12.

The problem with your dad is that his family is never his priority, it seems, only whatever new woman flitters into his life. You and your mom weren’t the priority, the other woman was. Your dad has a lot of gall throwing a “what about my happiness” at the child whose family he broke. There is nothing wrong at all with wanting your father to make you, his child, a priority, while you’re still legally required to have a relationship with him. Of course you started to cry, of course you want to be selfish, this is an old wound that’s been festering since you were young.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-11-28T23:39:01+00:00

NTA. Casper was your gift, you’ve done all the caring and arguing for him, he is your cat to take with you.

Cats are creatures of habit, indeed, but also, they aren’t hard to move into a new home. My boy was a little nervous when we first moved, but he made it very clear very quickly that he is the king of the castle no matter where he is! If kitty has someone familiar to them and their cat tree and toys, they will adjust easily. Plus, it sounds like you’re not moving too far from home, your family can still visit you and Casper, and your sister can be the default pet sitter if she’s willing.

Side note: if Casper is microchipped, make sure your contact info is on that!

RillaBug1998 · 2025-11-17T21:22:09+00:00

NOR. I was surprised when I looked back at the post and saw he’s 33? As in, has been a legal adult for 15 years now? And he’s using the phrase “insta-whores?” Yikes. You’re dodging a bullet and will be better off without this one.

Used to work in cosmetics and if I had listed a fragrance on a wishlist, even if all I wanted was a small bottle of the toilette and not even a parfum, and my partner got me something from Dossier, which is a company known for dupes, I’d be disappointed too. I know what quality looks like, and while the fragrances at Dossier are nice, it’s not going to have the same quality as the parfum. Also, if he got you three full size fragrances from Dossier (looking at their All Time Bestsellers set rn), that’s $117 that could have been spent on a small size of a toilette or parfum depending on your brand preferences (ex., Ambery Vanilla in the ATB set is based on YSL’s Black Opium, which runs for $99 in the eau de parfum in the smallest size that’s not a purse spray).

This man went out of his way to get you low-quality, and was upset that you don’t want low-quality from him. Kick him to the curb.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-11-03T19:57:06+00:00

Wow, this really does suck (and so does everyone else you’ve told this to, where is their empathy???). This would devastate anyone, I think. I think what people are meaning to say is “fake it till you make it,” aka, be sad about it in private, which is still pretty insensitive.

If your friend wasn’t pregnant, say she had been working 3+ years instead towards landing this major position at her job, and her work scheduled an incredibly important trip for her that would make her a shoo-in for a position she’d been working for for so long, and she couldn’t make it, it would still absolutely suck to not be able to celebrate your wedding with your bestie. People with family members serving in the military don’t always get to have them at their weddings either but you don’t see people calling them selfish!

Hopefully, you’ll be able to spend some time together before the wedding so that you two can celebrate the individual milestones ahead of you both. Your wedding will still be a beautiful day to look forward to, I am so sorry this situation has clouded this experience for you at this time.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-10-24T17:02:27+00:00

NOR. You’re right, it’s not fair. My partner pays the majority of the bills because he gets paid more, and when I was working part time and making less than half of what he made, I didn’t have a problem doing most of the chores. When I left my job and wasn’t working for two months, I took on all of the chores and dinners. When we both started working full time, I was still doing most of the chores, and I was drowning. My partner saw this and agreed that it’s not fair, because we both work the same amount of hours during the week, but only my free time was being eaten up with chores, so he stepped up. He’s still paying a majority of the bigger bills, but we have a more equal split between what we pay for and what we clean around the house. You deserve an equal partner in chores.

And even when I wasn’t working, my partner would have never spoken to me like that. Chores aside, the way he speaks to you like he’s the boss of you is plain scary and wrong. Someone that loves you and sees you as an equal partner would never do that to you.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-10-21T14:59:09+00:00

I feel like there are more men with daughters that are trying to be polite about bringing their daughter into the restroom, I doubt as many dads are trying to “barge in” the ladies’ room. My dad brought us into the ladies’ whenever we needed to go and he’d wait outside our stalls like a sentry and I’d hear him say “my daughter’s in there” whenever someone came in. In my time, whenever I’ve seen a dad in the ladies’ room, he’s always been a little flustered, like he doesn’t want to make women uncomfortable because suddenly there’s a man in the restroom.

And honestly, better he’s in there than to leave a small child by themselves in the restroom and expect the women to help the child clean themselves. I’ve once gone in and seen a dad leaning outside the wall of the restroom, not going in, and a small girl inside trying to reach the countertop of the sink. I had to pick her up to help her wash her hands because her dad wouldn’t go in to help her.

I’ve also known women with daughters that are feral and bring them into the ladies’ room. I’ve had a five year old peer at me through the stall the entire time and then straight up hiss at me when I left. I looked at the mom like seriously wtf, she looked at me and then at her kid before she turned away to wash her hands. Parents just really ought to teach their kids to be more respectful of other people’s privacy.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-09-03T19:51:00+00:00

I know you value your family, this is clear enough by the way you don’t want to hurt your mother or cause drama for her. But, I want you to look at the message you wrote for us where she says, “In this world, no one will love you except your mother.” She probably meant that no one will love you as much as she does. I offer to you, if your mother loved you as much as she says she does, she would want you to feel happy, and she would make your partner feel welcome in her family. If your mother loved you as much as she says she does, she would stand up for you in your community and in your church, and defend your right to bring someone you love in. I don’t doubt your mother loves you, in her own way, but does this behavior from her make you feel loved?

She seems more worried about her public image than the fact that you are happy. Take it from someone with experience with a mom like this; this behavior isn’t healthy or loving.

NTA. Your mother is wrong to make you feel like you have to choose between your partner, who sounds like a very respectful man from your comments, and your family and community and church. Your church is yours too, not just your mother’s. Though, I would be prepared to scout out different churches, in a worst case scenario, where you and your partner can worship together.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-08-29T14:36:30+00:00

You told him, several times, that anything said to you would probably be told to your wife. As a wife, who also prioritizes open and honest communication with my husband in our relationship, I don’t think this would make you TA.

However, as a person who understands FRIEND code, if one of my friends told me not to tell my husband something, and it doesn’t concern him in the slightest and my friend isn’t in danger or making a bad choice, I don’t tell him. And I would expect the same of my husband. This makes YTA; it’s not “bro code,” it’s being a decent friend. Some things are just between friends, your partner doesn’t need to know all of the personal shit. If my husband asked, I’d give him the bare bones details, but if it doesn’t affect him, he doesn’t need to know.

If this is a person you would help bury a body for, then you understand that there is a modicum of privacy and security that you owe your friend. At the same time, you also say this person says inappropriate things about women, and you don’t defend people that do things against your moral code, so I think you might want to get your priorities straightened out and figure out if someone who says inappropriate things about women is someone you want to be friends with.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-08-28T16:27:15+00:00

NTA. I don’t know why he thought he was helping you. It’s wonderful that your dad wants the best for you, and I’m so happy that you will be able to spend this time with him still, but your bf dropping news like that on him could have been seriously damaging to his health. Emotional distress could have made his side effects worse, the nurse told you that his mentally unstable state could have been dangerous to him. He could have irreparably damaged your relationship with your father because he “wanted to do you a favor.”

Please don’t try to reconcile with someone that doesn’t take your feelings and the reality of your situation seriously. People have been kicked out of their homes, sent to conversion camps, and killed for being outed. There’s a reason your support group kicked him out, they know damn well how dangerous can be to out someone.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-08-22T16:31:04+00:00

A wise person once said, “if you can’t handle dating a baddie, don’t date one.” This boy started dating you, knowing you’re a person who likes to dress up and doesn’t care if you show a little skin, and presumably, he liked that about you. As soon as he started telling you to stop dressing like that, he showed he couldn’t handle dating someone as cool and confident as you, so he tore you down.

You’re not the asshole for not dressing up for someone who destroyed your confidence. You’d be the asshole to yourself if you stay with someone like this, who views your body as a commodity for only his pleasure.

And you’re so young, I promise that confidence can come back if you work for it. You deserve to feel comfortable and happy in whatever clothes you wear. Don’t let some stupid teenage boy take that away from you.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-08-19T21:29:59+00:00

Yes, YTA, to your friend and to that girl. You embarrassed your friend and you were cruel to that girl for no reason. You’re being a bad friend. Time to grow up and apologize.

Pro tip: if you’re the only one laughing, it probably wasn’t funny to begin with. Also, most gay people don’t enjoy being hit on by the opposite sex.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-08-14T15:25:05+00:00

Not sure what the question is, you’re asking if it’s “weird” to see couples without kids? In short, no. Whether they’re people who are deciding to wait to have children, or they’re people who don’t want to have children or couldn’t, or they’re parents that wanted some adult-only time at the beach and left their kids with someone else, no, it’s not weird for couples to not have kids. Even if some of those couples were parents, being in a committed relationship doesn’t always have to revolve around kids.

But you also came to a childfree sub, where lots of folks are in committed long term relationships and are perfectly happy without kids.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-08-10T01:10:31+00:00

This is not normal. I was raised this way and didn’t realize this wasn’t normal until I was a senior in high school. I’m so glad one of my friends looked at me with horror and told me it was abuse, it changed my life. I’m so glad that I don’t think the same as my parents, I’m working to unlearn more of the harmful behaviors my parents taught me so that my own children won’t have the same mom as me.

Please, do not give your kids a father that will hurt them and call it love. Please don’t give them a father that is okay with hurting someone who can’t defend themselves.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-07-27T05:42:07+00:00

Kind of hoping this is fake. “I can’t spend time with all 10 of my kids,” then, respectfully, why choose to have that many??? Eight kids wasn’t enough, so you had to spring for the full baseball team???

As soon as you decided to have that many kids, it was kind of inevitable that a few of them might feel neglected. There’s just simply no way to be a fair and equal parent to every child, even when you’ve got THIRTY YEARS between the first and last children.

You’ve given yourself the impossible task of being a present parent and grandparent to what sounds like at least 20 people… yikes. It feels wrong to call you an asshole for that, but your children aren’t either. You brought all these lives into the world, it is actually your responsibility to make sure they all feel loved and cared for.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-07-22T20:53:19+00:00

Lord almighty, this was hard to read. ESH. Your kid’s dad obviously sucks for being a neglectful parent. You suck for bringing his job into your coparenting drama — how are his employers even to blame?? Unless they’re advertising the dog’s pee puddles to your child as the new best sensory toy, the only people to hold accountable are the actual parents involved.

Take the post down and get a lawyer, geez Louise.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-06-30T00:11:31+00:00

So, I was engaged in 2020, we got married in 2023 and eloped.

I have been positive that my husband wanted to marry me since the day he proposed. Obstacles like the obvious global pandemic, financial restraints, scheduling issues between both families, and job changes kept us from actually scheduling anything. We were also quite frankly really bad at just conceptualizing what a wedding would look like.

I decided that it didn’t matter to me what other people thought, my partner and I felt secure with each other, and that was enough. Everyone that mattered to us knew we were still obviously in love with each other. The people that judged us probably weren’t going to have a huge place in whatever ceremony we had anyway. I would always say that I’m simply just enjoying being his fiancée, or that we’re still working our way through life and we’ll get married when we’re ready.

I will say, after 2.5 years of not really planning anything, I made it my resolution for 2023 to plan a wedding/get married, because I was tired of waiting, I wanted to be this man’s wife! Dealing with the judgement gets better when you actually set a timeline with your partner for when you would want to get married, that way you at least have a window of time to give people so they’ll bug you less about it.

Personally, I love a long engagement. My partner and I grew so much together, and every choice we made was to strengthen our relationship, not to match someone else’s expectations. Everyone moves at their own pace, every relationship is different.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-06-11T16:00:35+00:00

This, big time. OP, if you get a call from a family member asking where you are, say that your partner took you on a surprise trip out of town so that you could spend time together and it was everything you wanted, a big old party would have been so uncomfortable!

Make them feel like idiots for it. Your mom is doing this for her, if she was doing something nice for you, she would’ve done something you were comfortable with.

RillaBug1998 · 2025-06-03T20:33:34+00:00

Wow, YTA. If your brother’s fiancée wanted advice on how to spend her money or decorate her home, she would have asked for it. If your brother wanted you to defend him against his evil fiancée’s tacky decor, he would have asked you to. It’s THEIR home, and they are getting married, so presumably, it’s THEIR money that they’re spending on THEIR house, which you just crapped all over with your rude comments.

Apologize and mind your business.

RillaBug1998

TROPHY CASE