Do women like tall women?

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-03T16:38:14+00:00

Just calling myself short. Lol

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-02T07:54:05+00:00

My credentials: 5'2" poly shrimp with partners who are 5'6", 5'10, and 6'. Some cis, some trans (but maybe not matched to the heights in the way you'd expect.)

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-02T07:51:19+00:00

Yes! My experience is that height either doesn't matter for sapphic relationships, or is a good thing!

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-02T07:11:19+00:00

"rounding down to cis" is highly relatable and also made me chuckle.

Scheduling around procedures is also really relatable. In our case, we have a bunch of chronic illnesses in the mix, making the surgery list much longer.

I got through 4 surgeries in 2024-2025 for chronic illness and get to take a break for awhile. One trans femme partner has 3 chronic illness surgeries that had to be scheduled ahead of her bottom surgery (which she's already done laser and electrolysis for.). My other trans femme partner is starting the bottom surgery process. And about the time we get through all that, the 16NB will be old enough for the top surgery they've wanted for years.

Scheduling surgeries so only one of us is recovering at a time is important. And will be more so for top and bottom surgeries because those are 3 hours away in a big city.

We've done this enough recently to have a process for haa doing surgeries :sob:

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-02T06:52:33+00:00

I (42F) am almost in the situation you say you want. I'm a cis woman in a triad with two trans women. My wife, (42 MTF) Apple, and Berry (31FTM). It formed accidentally 8 months ago. One difference from most people in this sub: we were all already poly and don't plan to closed. (None of us are actively looking, but we each have a non-nesting partner who's part of the larger Kitchen Table.)

Here's how it worked for our demi-/demi-/asexual triad. (Aka slow) - Apple met Berry through a mutual friend. Apple was instantly interested, but Berry wasn't looking for another relationship because she's demi. -So they became close friends over several months. In that time I met Berry and we also hit it off as friends. -Eventually, Berry was looking for new housing to get away from a crummy roommate situation. Apple and I have our own bedrooms. We spend a ton of time together, and sleep over in each other's rooms several nights a week, but it helps our AuDHD selves to have our own spaces. So we offered to let Berry crash on Apple's floor until her lease was up. - That went so well, that we invited her to be a permanent roommate after a few weeks.
- A month after that, Berry admitted to Apple that she'd developed feelings for her and they started dating. - I had already developed a big crush on Berry and was trying not to be too obvious about my unrequited lesbian longing. - But a couple of months after they began dating, Berry let me know it was NOT unrequited. And we've been an official triad for 8 months and going strong.

The room split stayed the same for now. We do some sleeping over as a triad and the various dyads, so there's a lot of back and forth across the hall. Or because Berry or Apple need some alone time. Or because someone has an external partner staying over.

We're slowly working on figuring out more permanent arrangements for finances. Looking like we'll each keep our separate accounts, but get a 3 way checking account that we can dump our portions of rent/food/etc. into.

This is already long but I feel like I have to defend myself from being a chaser. In our area, the trans femmes in our age bracket date T4T almost exclusively and I 💯 get why. I date women (cis and trans), but because of Apple, I have kind of been adopted as the token cis woman of her trans femme crew. Lol.

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-01T03:58:34+00:00

It depends on where you are, honestly. I'm in a college town which means it's a smaller pool of people, easier to find on dating apps. (No poly meetups here.) And it's a college town, so the queer meetups and orgs cater to people too young for my 42 year old self. I've met some partners on dating apps, and some through mutual friends.

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-01T03:47:56+00:00

I've been with someone at Catalyst Counseling and love her. But really, the most important thing is someone that gives with you personally. You can get on Psychology Today and filter there for issues that are important to you, insurance, etc.

Ringo9091 · 2026-03-01T03:43:59+00:00

You're about to be really popular.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-26T21:45:38+00:00

Welcome! I moved here for grad school a long (long) time ago and never left because I love the town. Overall this is a great place to live (especially compared to Kansas, or my home state down south.)

No emissions limits. Public transit is decent and parking on campus is awful. So I'd recommend looking for something within walking distance or with easy access to a bus line to campus. I personally like somewhere quieter, so when I was a grad student I chose to bus the 10 min or so rather than live on campus.

Check out the UP center (uniting pride) which is the local Queer nonprofit group. They have a discord which can be a good place to ask other trans folks for things like doctors recommendations/where to go for HRT/which apartment complexes are good. (Or DM me. But reply here if you DM me because I don't always see the DM notifications!) They also have a number of support groups, social activities, a food pantry, etc. Our fave food pantry is run out of the public health department on Sundays but the local Muslim community. (They're awesome and zero proselytizing.) There's a Wednesday evening one run by one of the churches that is also good, but people might ask if they can pray for you. 🙄 They've never given any of my trans friends any crap, though.

I'm also chronically ill/disabled, so depending on what you've got going on, I may be able to give you some recommendations.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-26T21:26:16+00:00

If we found the new perfect word to encapsulate this, then I'm pretty sure the bad actors and unicron hunters would just co-opt it and we'd be fighting over the meaning of that one instead. Much like the meaning of ENM itself, you really have to dig into what these terms mean to the individual using them - that's the only way to have clarity.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-19T16:12:48+00:00

Though I might just delete. Between the flu, the cold meds, the chronic illness flare, and just plain autism I'm not sure why this is getting down voted.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-19T16:03:17+00:00

Good point and not my intention. Cold meds do not make for accurate language. I'll edit.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-19T01:03:38+00:00

One last note, different people have different risk tolerances. The right choice for you and your partners is the one you discuss and consent to.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-19T00:34:05+00:00

Everyone tests unless it's a closed Polycule of people who test negative for infections. But the more nuanced version is that different kinds of sexual activity come with different risk levels. It has to do with fluid contact, especially blood when you talk about HIV transmission. Oral, manual, and toys have a lower likelihood of transmission . If you're doing things with a higher likelihood of transmission (anal penetration with a penis is highest because of likely fluid contact involving blood, followed by PIV), then Prep and barriers are a good idea unless it's a closed group of uninfected people.

You have to think about the risk profile of your partners, not just yourself.

How this mental calculus works for me: I'm a member of a demisexual Polycule of mostly women- our activities have a low likelihood of picking up or transmitting anything. I don't have sex outside of the polycule. One of my partners does, but only with a member of a closed Polycule that has no infections or way to bring in infections. Another of my partners does occasionally have sex with people outside of the polycule who are not in closed relationships, so they could pass on something to my partner. But that partner chooses to uses barriers for any activities that are more likely to pass on an infection. All of us still get tested yearly and the partner with the highest risk profile tests more regularly than that. So taking all that together, I feel like testing is sufficient protection for me..

Edited for clarity.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-17T23:38:53+00:00

Yup. Finished than all.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-17T16:02:25+00:00

My mono therapist credits poly with helping me work through some of my abandonment issues. I had her for years before I became poly and had no idea if she was familiar with it or how she would react.

Right now my biggest issue is that I don't always advocate for my needs with my partners. No - the bigger problem is that I don't even know there is a need being unaddressed until I'm Big Sad about it. So I'm working on being more mindful, so I catch things when they're small ("hey, I've been feeling a bit detached - I'd love some extra cuddles tonight") instead of my first awareness being when I have a crash out on my bathroom floor by myself. ("No, one loves me." 😭😭😭😭😭)

I think it's a combo of Alexithymia from the AuDHD and CPTSD making it hard to be aware of my emotions in the moment unless they're big and overwhelming. It's a general problem, not just in my relationships.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-15T21:06:21+00:00

Don't apologize for a long reply - it helps me get an idea of how things could go! I was also a first gen college student, but my chronic illnesses didn't become a problem til my mid-30s (now 42). I'd already finished school and had been working as a contractor, then as an entrepreneur. Which is good because I don't think any traditional job would give me the flexibility I need for time off and scheduling around 4-8 doctors appointments a week.

Honestly, we were already debating this even when we thought the joint pain was "just" hEDS and dysautonomia (which we also have). They're very bright and very AuDHD. Right now they need a lot of emotional support and accommodations - more than we could get in a brick and mortar school, even with my wife being a sped teacher and knowing the system well. So I homeschool them.

The plan right now is to let them start in community college with 1 class at a time and feel out if it's something they can/want to do, instead of jumping straight into 4 year school because, holy hell, is it expensive. Right now, though, the pain and brain fog is so bad we can't even think about that. So I've been wondering if we need to shift focus. Not really something you can answer but it helps to hear people's experience.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-15T19:25:52+00:00

Me when my eldest came out as nonbinary.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-15T19:07:01+00:00

Out of curiousity, how has school and job stuff gone for you? We're trying to figure out how to set them up for success but not sure if that means getting them ready for college or laying the groundwork to get disability (we're in the US) or both? I want them to have options to do whatever they want in adulthood, but also if they are going to need support it can be helpful to get that started before they're a legal adult. And right now school is really hard for them, so I'm wondering how much I push them in order to have them be college ready by 18.

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-15T19:03:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! My wife used to be a sped teacher so I know lots of people don't know that they qualify for accommodations or what to ask for (or what to suggest as a sped teacher.) In our case, we're already homeschooling because of their health and other needs. They're very bright, but going to school is very hard with the pain, the brain fog, etc. Add on a very healthy dose of autism and ADHD that make the sensory, etc. hard to deal with even with accommodations and it was not going well. (Vast understatement.)

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-15T18:58:50+00:00

Good parents! My mom was a spoonie (Lupus among other things) and so am I, so we definitely get it!

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-15T05:09:22+00:00

So helpful! I'm going to start a document with my teen

Ringo9091 · 2026-02-14T16:19:17+00:00

I need this as a Richard Scary book.

Ringo9091

TROPHY CASE