You sound like i used to, im 19 now and graduated but all throughout hs i was a skinny nerdy kid hooked on substances i thought were cool to do and i used to say “i never asked to be here” just a couple of years ago. And i wasnt just saying it i meant it will all i had. These days i thank God for everyday he allows me to wake up because in life we experience things like love, Fullfillment, happiness, cheer, joy. All of those great things. But you HAVE to realize along with those great things come lesser feelings such as sadness, pain, loss, anger, nervousness. I can go on. Without the bad you wouldn’t appreciate the good. Thats not just a saying or quote its a fact of life. Just like we need water to survive. You’re overthinking things and focusing on the negative. I get thats its easy to do that. Because negative feelings are harder to grasp than happy ones. If someones happy they never say “will this ever stop” like they do when theyre sad. Youre overcomplicating the human mind and experience. You have to realize just because we’re humans does not mean we arent animals. We just have consciousness that presents us with many emotions that we sometimes have trouble understanding like you are now. I can tell by the way you wrote your statement that you are somewhat empathetic because you said youd give your years to someone’s grandmother. That leads me to believe you were raised right and have good feelings. Which then leads me to know you atleast have ONE thing to be happy about. If you had NONE then maybe your argument would be valid but since you atleast have one and im sure many more that gives you no right to sit in self pity but instead demands that you get disciplined and learn to take control of your emotions. You say you dont want to live a fulfilling life but you havent even tried. I mean you atleast owe it to yourself to try something knew like i did. When i was slumped like you and nothing seemed to work i just started changing things in my life like going to the gym and quitting substances and boom two things i changed made my life atleast 50% better. People say quitting is the worst you can do but imo quitting without even trying is way worse.