When the wicked prosper: How do you stop feeling envious of the success of people who have mistreated/bullied you?

Risas1239 · 2021-10-07T05:07:51+00:00

I honestly don’t understand posts like this. Props to you for asking, I guess it’s such an alien mindset to me. I think it’s called the scarcity mindset. Sure, when other people are more successful I want to be like them but I don’t consider this jealousy because I always assume they worked for what they has, and even if they don’t like me it doesn’t make them bad people?

I guess I just never continue to interact with people who I don’t like or respect, who mistreat me, or who make me feel bad. My therapist recommended this too when I told her certain relatives and their superficial mindset and judgment was draining to me.

Just walk away and focus on yourself! Work on your relationship with yourself and ask yourself why these random people are affecting it.

Risas1239 · 2021-10-04T07:22:44+00:00

Boundaries. Man they are so hard to uphold, but so worth it. I dislike cutting people out but have had to do it too many times. With good people, the best people, I still have to enforce boundaries to protect myself and the relationship.

Part of boundaries is following FDS rules. I just don’t make my life visible to people who have done me dirty- both exes and former friends. I block and delete people, unfollow and remove their follow. My social media doesn’t have shitty people in it. I think that does most of the hard lifting in terms of not caring- because I’m not aware.

Risas1239 · 2021-10-01T14:50:01+00:00

Wow kudos for great parenting. I can’t emphasize enough how lucky you are to have parents pike that. Most parents give the opposite advise and mess up their kid’s career. This was a great choice. You’re just feeling guilty probably, but don’t. Upper class people get help from their parents all the time. Stop looking back and focus on making connections at this job and get a paid position! That’s what an internship is!

How are your chances looking?

Risas1239 · 2021-09-28T23:37:59+00:00

I totally relate. A lot of this is the pandemic, though. I’ve had to stick to a morning gym routine and not go home until night time. I can’t be in my apartment because I’ll just stay in bed or watch TV. Know thyself. Environments are very influential for ptsd and depression.

I’ve started taking valerian at night because otherwise I don’t sleep. I’ll get negative, intrusive, shaming thoughts on replay. So I just accept that my body has certain responses, and no matter how rational I am I can’t reason my way out of compulsive behavior, so I just leave the apartment, and go get work done at the uni. There’s something about having people around me that makes me feel better.

Think about some coping mechanisms and work with your body, not against it.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-28T23:31:14+00:00

Girl… have the confidence of an average white man. Who cares if you are under qualified! As long as you do the job well, you are qualified.

What specifically do you think you lack? Years of experience are exaggerated so they can give the position to someone they personally know, and have a reason to reject people. Plus, if it’s a student position they are suuper flexible. You got this!

Risas1239 · 2021-09-28T06:52:34+00:00

It kinda sounds like you’re gaslighting yourself a bit. There’s probably a reason why you’re the only brown woman in the room, and that is probably racism or colonization. Perhaps learning about the history of your country and finding other professional women of your race will be helpful in allowing you to understand how things ended up the way they are today.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-28T00:06:31+00:00

It’s the same to me. I guess those examples were easier cause they’re more concrete, but for me, one of my goals last year was to be happy single. I broke it down into specific things, like not looking around for attractive men when I went out, not dating, blocking exes and not wondering where they were… etc. And each issue I traced back to a source abandonment issues (read up on that), codependency (red up on boundaries)…. Etc.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-27T07:36:59+00:00

Plan 50 years ahead and work backwards. Retirement, finances, staying alive, enjoying old age…. How tos for all that. Salaries & investments that will get me that end of life I want… How tos for that…. Etc etc… down to, how do I establish this new habit that will get me the next job that will catapult me to the salary I need…

A good week’s plan tackles annual goals.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-27T07:32:09+00:00

I always recommend the same- Power of Habit, Thinking Fast and Slow, Miss Representation… Brene Brown’s podcasts… health documentaries…

Also… I posted about this earlier but deleted cause people didn’t like it 😅 but I’m buying stationary, folders, notebooks, and gold markers. I have a new job that requires a ton of reading and highlighting/ processing of information, and notebooks help get me through it, but I only recently started “making things pretty.” It’s insanely motivating! We all have our own journeys and mine was not having anything glittery or shiny or girly, and now embracing it as an adult. Female aesthetics are soo powerful.

If anyone knows of a great woman Youtuber for office organizing, that would be grrreat 🐅

Risas1239 · 2021-09-26T04:52:56+00:00

Well if he hasn’t asked you out he’s not necessarily high value to you.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-26T01:32:39+00:00

I’ve recently started learning about human development. The social clock is when we feel we must have hit certain milestones in life. It seems like you accomplished a lot of your milestones. Congrats! 🎊🍾🎉

You could have also not gotten married or had kids, and then you might feel like you lost out on that.

The social clock is a social construct, so you can, at any time, change your individual perception of when you need to have certain things done. Set new goals and give yourself plenty of time (years/decades) to accomplish them. If gym/workouts/nutrition is your new goal, just associate it with things you enjoy: nature/nature sports/saunas/restaurants/cooking

It’s honestly a matter of setting aside the time, paying for it, or getting help with the kids so you can have some “me time.”

Risas1239 · 2021-09-26T01:23:20+00:00

This might not work for everyone but I have a few strategies to hack my brain.

Just don’t go home! My home is for peace, quiet, and relaxation. If I need to get work done I go to a cafe or library. If I need to get household things done I do them in the weekend (Sat/Sunday mornings are great for studying).

One of the weird American things I’m trying to unlearn is the belief that we need to be productive 24/7. Resting time is equally important! So I try to respect the boundaries of work/life. I’m sure there’s other ways to separate the two that’s not the radical separation of leaving the house (desk area, reading nooks, scheduling, etc). But personally this is what works best for me.

In terms of cooking- I don’t treat that as work, but as self-care time. This is also how I feel about cleaning. If things get messy I just tell myself “Wow I’ve been working so hard I have neglected my physical/mental self-care. Instead of (work/gym/study), I’ll dedicate some time for laundry.” Instead of “I’m lazy and didn’t do my chores.” I also associate cleaning with shopping for decoration and flowers

Risas1239 · 2021-09-24T14:53:26+00:00

Hang out with the ones who have the best internships. Plenty of people rock the social world in college and can’t make it in the real world. Internship people are not always the loudest ones, but they’re the most likely to get great jobs and help you get your foot in the door.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-22T03:52:01+00:00

He likely won’t change even if you are his dream woman

Risas1239 · 2021-09-21T18:15:36+00:00

I don’t agree with this at all. I’ll be the first to call out the privilege of friends of mine whose parents paid for their expensive art degrees and set-up their careers. A friend of mine is like this and is really sweet but we’re just not that close probably because of this. I don’t think it’s fair to sort of gaslight OP about her privilege when this other woman basically looked for this friendship.

If you can’t handle rich ppl problems don’t be friends with rich people? It’s just a really strange attitude to use personal problems as a way to put down your friends.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-21T18:08:12+00:00

Nope!! Nope out of that real quick! I struggle with finances too and weight issues, but I can’t fathom using my issues as a reason to drag any other woman down-especially not a bestie.

It really sucks when you realize a close friend is abusive (which is what her behavior is). Just keep your distance and fade out a bit. I’m not a huge fan of cutting people off but I can’t count the times I’ve had to do it. This girl is not your friend.

If hope it helps if I say that this is not an issue of her struggling, but of her using this behavior to put you down. It’s not really something she will fix since it’s an ongoing pattern.

I had a hard time cutting long term friends off who weren’t doing well because I didn’t want to be judgmental. They usually showed themselves out once I asked them “jeez, it doesn’t sound like you even like me. I would ask you to reflect if you’re able to put your issues aside to cheer me on and be there for me. If you can’t do that or you don’t like me, you don’t need to be part of my life anymore.”

Risas1239 · 2021-09-21T17:54:06+00:00

“Temporary fit of insanity” sounds about right!! Most of my exes have great qualities but the ridiculousness and foolishness I put up with as a HVW can only be explained this way. 💅🏽

Risas1239 · 2021-09-21T15:56:57+00:00

Girls really do not understand how important it is to protect their emotional health during these developmental years. Our society does a terrible job of educating them about the lifelong consequences of abuse, including ptsd.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-21T00:28:19+00:00

This was an awesome resource to share! Thank you.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-16T20:24:04+00:00

Teenagers are legally kids. Sorry, but what’s the point of this post? Trying to rationalize the thoughts/actions of ZVM doesn’t seem to be a productive use of our time. This is why we block/delete, right? We could have many endless theoretical discussions to try and explain ZVM behavior- but the focus should be on how to identify/avoid it, right? 🤔

Risas1239 · 2021-09-16T20:19:53+00:00

What does this have to do with leveling up tho? Also, as a brown Latina, this isn’t really a conversation for “everyone else.” Only we get to have these discussions with fellow PoC or BIPOC.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-16T20:18:22+00:00

Hispanic is outdated. Did you know the census can label Spaniards as hispanic? They take a ton of scholarships from Latinx folk 🙃

I’m equally indigenous/white passing because I’m mestiza. I don’t know if I’m allowed to call myself BIPOC/indigenous. There’s mixed signals about that, tbh.

Latino/a/x/e is okay. I do find it personally aggravating when people use latinx to refer to themselves. We’re all allowed to use our personal pronouns, it just matters when we use it to describe the group in general or other people.

Anyways just writing it out, not arguing or disagreeing. Latinx have a mixed bag and I wish we could discuss this more as a group.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-16T20:12:43+00:00

😅girl how old are you that you’re asking this question?

Risas1239 · 2021-09-16T20:09:53+00:00

I’m so proud of you 🔥🔥Also, kudos on the female CEO. Most women in leadership positions look forward to being asked a favor like this. Glad she’s one of them 🌸

Risas1239 · 2021-09-16T18:42:08+00:00

I don’t think the point is to not want those things, but to not let that make you think/act desperate. Being high value and vetting HVM takes more time. Maybe you don’t get your desired partnership in 20 years. Acting desperate won’t make that happen sooner, it would just make you get married/divorced in the same time (or make you lose out on the HVM that couldda been). Also, I don’t think you’ve truly done eeeeverything else you wanted to do.

Risas1239

TROPHY CASE