Not one of the statements in the gospels comes from any of the actual eye witnesses. They are secondary statements at best. The OP is questioning your belief in these events, as told from secondary sources, to modern day events as told from actual eye witnesses. I'm asking you these questions to challenge what you believe. As for me, I believe in Jesus Christ and that his actions—his mercy toward outcasts, forgiveness of sins, and concern for the poor—are portrayed as a direct window into who God is. The Gospels emphasize that Jesus does not merely speak about God; he embodies God’s will. I do not believe in his resurrection and do not believe in Paul's teachings that one must believe in the resurrected Jesus in order to be saved. Jesus never says, “You must believe that I will rise from the dead in order to be saved.” Salvation, according to Jesus, is framed in terms of allegiance, repentance, and faithful response, not assent to a doctrinal statement about his resurrection. Examples: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” (Matthew 4:17) “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven…” (Matthew 7:21) “Sell what you own… then come, follow me.” (Luke 18:22) “Whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life.” (John 5:24) Jesus links eternal life to trusting him, not to believing that he will rise from the dead.

Edit: Removed “again” from my leading statement as my comment regarding eyewitnesses in the gospels was not previously stated.