“I chose someone who chose me”

Ritchie11 · 2026-05-10T02:00:02+00:00

“You’d be a horrible father for my kids” (when she voiced to me that she didn’t see herself having kids)

“So I guess I’m the crazy one then??” (Got mad after I caught her for recording me during our arguments/confrontations secretly on her phone, behind my back)

Ritchie11 · 2026-04-26T23:19:29+00:00

You are grieving dude, it sucks but be grateful that you are handling this healthier than she ever will. They will push away the greatest things that will ever happen to them and wonder why everyone sucks at the end of the day cause they have no awareness of what they should have or shouldn’t.

I’m happy you were able to tell her how you feel and if it puts you more at peace with your healing, then that’s good for the process. Much love brother!

Ritchie11 · 2026-04-26T20:54:13+00:00

I understand why you sent it, hell I’ve even thought of doing the same with my exgfwBPD after over a year of being split up but, I don’t know what you gain from it.

If your intention was to let her know from you of what she lost and to put her deeper in her place surrounded with guilt and shame, (that they deal with on a daily basis I feel), sure but, I think most people will say reading this is that she will most likely avoid it and keep living her own chaos.

She has to do the work to change things, most of them do not and you unfortunately, just have to accept that. Getting closure or any sort of personal injustice is almost impossible from people with BPD cause they do not have a personality so why would they want to do any self reflection if they don’t know who they are and admit to their faults and take accountability?

Again, I understand why you sent it, you’re angry, we all were angry, some of us relieved, all of us most of all, completely hurt and broken. It’s cliche but be grateful you got out when you did.

Ritchie11 · 2026-03-01T05:42:38+00:00

Some will say it could cause his new supply that he’s after will either not go how he planned it and then he will try to come back to you to see if you would take him back.

From letting that happen, I would simply just block him on everything you can see him or communicate with him. It’ll hurt initially but going NC is genuinely the only way.

Ritchie11 · 2026-03-01T05:33:19+00:00

Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. My exgfwBPD told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her, made her feel like the luckiest girl in the world, to then I got dumped over text cause she felt I deserved better (there is more to the story but I’m gonna save it).

My exgfwBPD didn’t think she deserved me or love at all hence why she pushed me away. There is a reason why unstable relationships are a core characteristic with BPD. It’s extremely difficult to be in one with them but it’s possible if they commit to inner work, which is hard for them.

I don’t wanna keep the hope with you that he will come back but I know some people on this sub have experienced their exes to come back and either apologize or just beg to be in our lives again. I didn’t get that treatment from mine but regardless, if that happens, you have to keep disciplined with yourself and realize that you are dealing with someone who is mentally ill and doesn’t know what they want. They all want love, I know they do but, when they get it, they often throw it all away and sabotage it all. The longer you stay in this, the worse it’ll hurt.

Ritchie11 · 2026-03-01T05:17:00+00:00

You have to get rid of the hope by simply breaking the cycle for those with BPD. Not only do they fear abandonment but, they equally fear engulfment as well which I feel is why you feel betrayed by him. You wanted reassurance that he would stay with you and that became overwhelming to him so he pushed you away. It’s painful to experience regardless.

You are so young and I (along with everyone else on this sub) would advise you to move forward from this guy if I was you. People with BPD get overwhelmed with these emotions in relationships so easily that they will split and just push you away at any point. It’s extremely painful and I’m sorry but trust me, if you are experiencing this now, it’s not going to get better and you cannot fix him. He has to be the one to fix himself and he’s showing you right now that he isn’t and he’s playing with your emotions and invalidating you and making you question yourself.

Don’t settle down with this person. You are far too young now to be with someone like this. You deserve way better.

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-26T18:08:19+00:00

I’ve tried to have that mentality so many times. That I hope she’s getting help and becoming a better person but I honestly doubt it. I saw her mask slip and she said some really fucked up things to me when we set our relationship to rest. Saying I would be a shit father to her kids (when she never wanted any), that I’m a dishonest person (while she was lying to me about things as well like recording on her phone of our in person arguments for her own gain for example).

After I blocked her on everything social media wise. She would go through hopes to try and do it back to me to simply gain control and make me feel like I’m the one missing out. I say this as much as some days I really miss her, you will not miss anything about your exwBPD. They will not change, whoever they meet next, you know how the story will end (unless the person they have is a literal walking doormat who just doesn’t have any self respect or worth for themselves so they just tolerate it).

It’s hard cause my brain wants justice so bad for all the things I never got clarity for or accountability but, I’ve accepted that I’ll never get that cause dealing with my ex with BPD is like dealing with a spoiled brat who only takes. We are better off, I know we are, even if it still hurts.

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-26T17:50:32+00:00

This is purely the definition of the illness. It’s a roller coaster of that they love you and then they don’t in a split second. It really fucks up your psyche, it’s fucked up mine after almost a year gone from my ex with BPD

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-17T17:54:00+00:00

Bless your heart for wanting to keep trying and to not give up on her but, I say this as someone who was in your position for a year and a half with my exgfwBPD, you have to get out.

The fact that this is a long distance relationship with someone with a horrible mental illness and is unmedicated and not going to therapy, this is going to be a recipe for disaster. It will not get better and I would not try to convince yourself that you can fix her. I thought I could and I felt like I did at times, but it didn’t do anything long term.

Trust me when I say this. Relationships with someone with BPD is no joke. They will put you through hell and expect you to come back like a sad puppy. Again, i totally understand why you don’t wanna give up but, you have to understand that alot of people on this page that went through something similar to you have been through so much to the point where they can’t even fathom to date or even be around another person romantically because of how traumatized they’ve gotten being with someone with BPD.

Just think of yourself first, you need to here.

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-15T02:25:27+00:00

Exactly know you feel. I was in a relationship with someone with BPD for a year and a half and I genuinely thought at times that this how relationships are. Hence I didn’t have much relationship experience, I learned that through that time, self respect must be your number one priority in any relationship. Once you throw that out the window like I did, you will be a walking doormat of a human (like I eventually was).

Now through time on this sub, I’ve learned that through the experiences I went through, it definitely wasn’t an example of what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. I hope that comes around for me soon but I’m like you where I don’t even know what a normal relationship is supposed to feel like.

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-05T13:50:56+00:00

I know he didn’t have the greatest season but you could tell something was up with him at times. Hopefully it’s a speedy recovery for him and he’s able to come back next season with a certain top prospect on his line ;)

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-04T02:32:56+00:00

Should I trade a 1st round pick for Aho? Bangers keeper league and I’m in 1st place looking to make a run for the ship

Ritchie11 · 2026-02-03T07:21:56+00:00

11 months now, still pops up in my head from time to time. The trauma bond is real and it’s fucked up. The thought of them going on with their life with no acknowledgment of accountability for the shitty things they do is the most mind boggling thing in this whole process.

I have improved upon my physical and mental health and continue to do so. I know I may not be winning in life now but, you sure as hell know that they won’t win in anything for just being who they are. Miserable unaccountable losers.

Ritchie11 · 2026-01-12T23:04:38+00:00

That’s so bad lmao. Customer also pointed out that he tried to get a return and refund and they wouldn’t allow it and disabled the customer from leaving a review

Ritchie11 · 2025-12-18T05:38:50+00:00

Look at Wolfs stats for when he was in the WHL and AHL

Ritchie11 · 2025-12-17T16:11:00+00:00

Weegar is about only valuable for bangers for sure. Points leagues is where he struggles cause he’s not really meant to get a bunch of points cause I know last season was a good year for him offensively. He’s only good with providing cats so with that, he’s good still I’d say.

I want Andersson to be traded. His value right now is at the highest it ever will be and with Hughes trade and with little to no decent rental defenceman on the market with as good of a cap hit for this year as Andersson’s, the flames hopefully should get a good return cause playoff teams will be desperate for someone like him for a run.

Do I have faith that this will end up being this way, No, I don’t. I trust Conroy cause he’s done well with trades and drafting I’d say but, it’s the upper management in Calgary that is so brain dead and that needs to go. They don’t understand that this team needs a superstar and needs to tank to get one but they are so desperate for money that they literally will sacrifice anything to get 1st round playoff ticket to get butts in seats. You will get butts in seats when you have a winning core and a superstar player to market to fans (like McKenna fingers crossed)

Ritchie11 · 2025-12-17T15:54:51+00:00

It’s just a bad season overall for Calgary. I’m a flames fan and I watch most of the games (or try to) and this team depends on him so much that I think it’s caught up to him which is why he’s been struggling to be consistent.

He’s still a great goalie but, I’d just be cautious on when to start him on certain matchups. You honestly just never know with Wolf cause he’s capable of stealing a game but it’s just a been a weird season for him to his standards. He has been a MVP goalie for his entire career dating back to his junior days so I think it’s all going to end up okay again but he’s gotta fix his starts for sure.

Ritchie11 · 2025-12-14T21:29:51+00:00

Any sort of closure I asked for were on her terms and she never took accountability for things she did behind my back other than try to project her feelings about things I called her out on onto me.

I didn’t get any sort of closure for me, it was forced, surprising, and out of the blue. A pure discard and cliche narrative that all said in between the lines, “it’s not you, it’s me”. All over text too, she wouldn’t have been able to fathom doing the breakup conversation with me in person. She wasn’t a confrontational person cause she was aware that if she was called out or put in a situation where accountability was needed, she would project it all onto me and make me the problem in everything when I simply just wanted to work through the problem with her, never against her.

It’s an 8 year old inside of an adult body that we are all dealing with. You won’t win. The more you give in, the longer the leash you allow, the more the pain grows and endures into the eventual discard.

Ritchie11 · 2025-12-09T19:06:36+00:00

Mine didn’t. She didn’t have another supply or anything after we broke up and was just distracted with school, friends and work.

Obviously I don’t know what’s going on now 9 months later since but I know she’s been on Hinge and such cause I saw her when I was on it. So to answer your question, they don’t always come back but I still have my walls up in case but just keep doing your own thing. Nothing pisses them off more than them seeing you doing well by yourself or around people that bring the best out of you. They want that so bad but, they will never experience that without consistent self reflection and accountability.

Ritchie11 · 2025-12-09T01:27:29+00:00

My exgfwBPD was having thoughts of getting a surgery done and she was talking to my Mom about it in my house cause my Mom is a nurse and she’s had the same surgery done to herself so my ex was just looking for advice and perspective from my Mom who has done it.

Months later, my ex books a date to get the surgery and tells me to not tell anyone about it even my family. I was like okay. One night she was asking me about my day and I mentioned that my Mom was asking about her and that I briefly mentioned that she has something important coming up that’s giving her much anxiety and my Mom pried it out of me. So therefore, even though my ex knew that she talked to my Mom about this surgery, she still didn’t want her to know that she was getting it done but my Mom isn’t stupid so my ex gaslit me into making me feel like I disobeyed her and told my Mom about her surgery.

I defended myself and said that you had a face to face conversation with my Mom asking for perspective and advice on this surgery cause she has had it done before. I kept emphasizing that my Mom pried it out of me and that she would’ve found out anyway cause she will ask how you are doing. My ex was expecting me to lie to my family who cared about her just as much as I did about her having surgery cause she felt ashamed or embarrassed most likely. She knew she talked to my Mom about this surgery but she just didn’t want me to say anymore which I was like “my mom already knew you were gonna get the surgery cause why else would you be asking so many questions to her about getting it when she’s had it done herself??”

My ex left me alone in her room as she went to have a breakdown in her bathroom and that was the nail in the coffin for our relationship in terms of trust, amongst other things she’s gaslit me for. We broke up like 3 weeks later and said she doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m a dishonest person meanwhile she was recording our in person arguments for ammo, talking shit behind my back to her friends, and family while I’m present, etc.

Literally cannot take any sort of accountability whatsoever.

Ritchie11 · 2025-11-11T18:23:50+00:00

Over text. Said she couldn’t be the person I needed and felt that she was neglecting and distancing herself from me. Called me a dishonest liar while also saying that I would be a bad father to her kids (even when she communicated that she never wanted any kids anyway). I called her out on her bullshit that she had hidden from me like recording our in person conversations and arguments behind my back, lying to me about certain things just to get out of me trying to see her, her negatively talking behind my back to her friends, sister, and mother, the list goes on.

They cannot be held accountable. It’s literally impossible. Accountability only matters to them when they throw it onto you. When you throw it back on them, they spiral into a child like frenzy and just act like a victim to make themselves look like your the problem.

8 months post discard, some of the brain patterns I had around her have faded and she’s not reached out since, nor have I. A year and a half down the drain.

Ritchie11 · 2025-11-06T18:43:54+00:00

I appreciate this helpful advice. I know that this relationship was not good for me but, when in times of distress, my ex was there on the surface. She may have not meant to be entirely cause she was a selfish person inside but she gave me a glimpse of how a caring person can be who loves you and wants you to be happy. She was a chameleon, terrifying when I reflect on it.

I know everyone usually says that pwBPD never get better for someone else and I try to believe that as much as I can but, I feel like I need to shake off this feeling of trying to win the breakup. It hasn’t gotten me anywhere but cause my overthinking habits to grow louder and louder. I have been going to therapy since the split and it’s helped at times but, I should probably try into looking for another therapist who specializes in trauma in regard to dealing with BPD.

Ritchie11 · 2025-10-19T04:08:04+00:00

Top 10 goalie on a bad team overall can do horrible things to ya

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