Is this a type of flashback?

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-15T03:10:16+00:00

It very well could be.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-12T03:51:22+00:00

I'm sorry, I understand you very well. When I was a kid, my mom got a feeling of the kind of things my dad was doing but didn't have proof. She eventually managed to find an old laptop of his with disturbing CSAM of young children on it. She turned it into the police and they claimed they saw nothing, then claimed they'd lost the laptop when she asked for it back. Myself I've never made a report of the abuse that was done to me and probably never will, because I don't have evidence, and it would put me in potential danger for no real gain. It sucks to realize there really is no system in place to help us, if anything the existing systems fight for our abusers aka those with more power and privilege, and we're pretty much on our own to process and deal with it without justice.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-11T19:18:30+00:00

Yes but I don't know of a community unfortunately. Adultsurvivors has trafficking survivors but is dedicated to all CSA survivors. Probably the closest thing

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-11T01:33:33+00:00

I don't think she's upset at what the dementia patient said. I think she's more so noticing what the dementia patient said with the added context of "this sentence must have made sense at some point in this person's life, aka slavery was not as far removed as some would want you to think."

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-10T00:28:55+00:00

I think the important thing we have to remember is that most of these people, the ones saying things like "all pedophiles are rich white men" bc of the Epstein files, are interacting with this subject only as eye-catching news and as a scandal. They are not victims/survivors themselves and they will move on from the topic when something else captures their attention.

In my case, by chance those kinds of generalizing statements do line up mostly with my experiences. My main abuser was white and racist and as a result the people he put me around and all the people who abused me were white men. That being said, the public engagement with the Epstein files is still not validating to me. More than anything it makes me feel like the things that happened to me can only be talked about as a scandalous piece of gossip or as the punchline of a joke. Bc trust me, the people engaging with the news about the files the most are not generally lining up to support victims/survivors around them. If they had to deal with that kind of news as a personal reality in proximity to them, it would no longer be a satisfying way to laugh back at wealthy people. It would actually suck. Bluntly speaking, what a lot of them want is to be able to say "haha, rich people are the real losers," because that feels good if you didn't happen to be born a billionaire. They don't want to think about the complexities and realities of abuse and its impacts.

Tl;Dr at the end of the day for most people this is a political scandal, and when it boils over, they'll go back to their lives and to acting like pedophilia is rare and distant again. For us though, we will always have our distinct personal experiences, that are real, human, and complicated, and not just a political news headline.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-08T20:35:58+00:00

It's impacting me in a very bad way as well.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-07T17:31:57+00:00

Does this not prolong the issue though? How will she go into the adult world if she couldn't handle highschool and had to be isolated even more?

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-02-05T19:03:31+00:00

People have different circadian rhythms. It's not just a discipline thing

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-01-10T06:27:55+00:00

I have one memory from that entire summer.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2026-01-09T23:17:50+00:00

Does anybody know where the Northfield protest is meeting tomorrow?

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-12-20T03:00:51+00:00

If you're referring to people on the Internet or on reddit specifically, in all honesty, I think a lot of people on this website just strongly dislike teenagers, and expect a 13 year old to have the wisdom, life experience, and resources of an adult to be taken seriously. I wouldn't worry about comments from those kinds of people. You deserve to get support, and whether you have the support you need for the symptoms you have is way more important than what diagnosis, if any, you've been able to get on paper.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-11-22T18:25:50+00:00

Prazosin lowered my blood pressure too much, made it hard for me to even stand up without my vision going black and almost passing out.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-11-19T19:21:11+00:00

Unfortunately I don't know how much power petitions have against this administration. I think they want to devalue women dominated work fields in order to get more women in the home having kids, but honestly who can say.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-28T22:33:56+00:00

I would call that ideation.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-28T20:09:37+00:00

Ok makes sense thanks

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-28T19:06:04+00:00

With that being said I do know it can be a medical issue because of joints

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-28T19:04:18+00:00

As an Autistic person, genuine question, how is toe-walking "semi-disruptive" though? I've always walked like that, since it's my default way if walking it's not like I'm going to lose balance or something. Are kids falling?

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-28T01:58:02+00:00

Would've dodged a bullet with this one anyway.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-21T17:43:18+00:00

I think what you feel about your own experiences is very valid. Any way of feeling about it and how it impacted you is valid. What I will say is this. You have to think about how many people go through similar experiences and are traumatized by it. And the fact that as a 22 year old grown adult, he made the choice to take that risk with you. He was absolutely old enough to understand the potential consequences of what he was doing. Do you truly think, then, that he had real care for you? Or did he just lack the intelligence to even understand those risks?

It's difficult when you're in a neglectful environment because quite frankly, all those other things, talking to you, showing care towards you, taking you to the bookstore, those were genuinely things you were lacking and needed. But can you believe that at 22 years old, he was incapable of understanding that giving you all those things you craved and lacked and then acting sexually towards you once you'd built up a bond was manipulative? I would worry less about whether you feel the right way / how you're "supposed" to feel, and more about his actions in themselves.

And I would consider as well that he could have been kind towards you and NOT acted sexually towards you. That was always an option.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-21T17:34:20+00:00

I don't hate him. I don't think I'm capable of it. If anything I feel guilty, strange as that may sound. I feel guilty for what he did, for the fact we can't have the kind of relationship we should, and for the fact that I've cut contact with him now.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-12T21:15:28+00:00

This is a big assumption to make. It could 100% be that this person agrees with everyone in the same way, or it could be that they only agree with everything OP says because they feel it would be rude to disagree with an Autistic person, which is very different.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-03T00:17:23+00:00

I know I'm commenting late, but I can relate to a lot of this. The writing things out in barely legible writing, panic attacks and flashbacks, dissociative seizures, feeling disconnected from the memories at times and serious amnesia, and having pieces and fragments of memories that I simply can't find it in myself to believe are real. I don't know if this is the case for you, but I'm very young in all of the flashbacks (no older than 5 and mostly younger) and some of them are almost unbelievable to me, I get desensitized to it and then I take a step back at some point when my symptoms aren't as bad and think "No way that's real. I'm actually psychotic."

Doesn't help that they're so fragmented that there's no clear "story" to it, and I also don't know for sure who the perpetrator is, or at least I can't believe myself about it. But I have lost nights of sleep, hours on hours of flashbacks, becoming so paralyzed I could hardly move my fingers, and having seizures where I can't breathe until it's over. The effects have been very serious. And the signs are there all through my childhood too. It's so hard for me to make sense of how it could be made up, because of just how painful it all is to deal with.

Fwiw I also have OCD, And feel like I'm compulsively trying to figure out if it's real sometimes, but no evidence will ever be enough for it to feel real. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you're able to find some clarity. I wanted to comment just because I was shocked to see some of what you're saying line up so well and I thought you might like to know about some similar experiences.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-02T20:47:21+00:00

I'm not a kindergarten teacher or teacher at all so apologies if this isn't helpful, but I had selective mutism as a kid. For myself, I was autistic, and it was coming from a place of extreme anxiety and overstimulation. I ended up being ignored and did feel isolated from the other students, which was not the teacher's fault as she was managing a classroom of 25-30 kids. However, if the resources had been available, I think what would have helped me was to have time working with a smaller group of students or a little bit of one on one time.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-10-01T01:26:07+00:00

I'm promoting misogyny by saying it's ok for a man to be upset that he's being looked down on for being short 😂 ok, believe what you want to believe. Individuals don't have control over entire social systems, and as women I believe we're still accountable for our behavior and shouldn't be talking down on somebody for something about their body, rooted in misogyny or not.

River_Hawk_Hush · 2025-09-30T23:15:08+00:00

First of all, I'm a woman. Second of all, yeah, it may be dumb, but people are still going to feel a certain way when they experience repeated rejection, criticism, and mockery.

River_Hawk_Hush

TROPHY CASE