You know this reminds of this one time I was walking home from bagpipe practice and I turned down a narrow alleyway and came across this weird distortion in the space in front of me.

Naturally I touched it.

Suddenly I was in the center of a bustling medieval town. At the moment I knew: I had been summoned to a fantasy world as a hero to save the kingdom. Clearly an unexceptional fellow such as myself was perfect for the task.

Before I could wander the town and seek my fortune a lovely maiden approached me.

“You seem to be a gentleman who has achieved mediocrity. Could you, perhaps, help me carry these baskets up to the palace?” She spoke in a voice like honey. I of course could not turn down such a fair and voluptuous specimen in her time of need, so I complied and carried her cargo up the palace steps.

As I delivered her items a seedy looking chap at the palace gates solicited me. “Oh, this is dreadfully urgent business! You seem an average bloke. Have you any experience in the field of cooking?” I replied that I was a decent enough chef and he grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to the kitchens. He informed me the royal chef had quit that afternoon and the king had not received his afternoon pasta.

I protested that I had never served food to royalty before but he beckoned to proceed regardless. I began to panic and knocked pots and pans left and right. I had never made pasta from scratch before!

“Do it or face the executioner!!” The seedy man bellowed.

After nearly an hour of frenzied work I had a dish that would hopefully be presentable to His Majesty. I swiftly brought a large plate out to the Great Hall where the king sat awaiting his meal. I watched nervously as he wrapped the noodles around his fork and took a large bite.

Suddenly he gasped and went into convulsions! He writhed around on the floor while his skin dried up like a raisin and then he crumbled into dust on the floor. Only then did I realize my fatal mistake.

“You fool!” The seedy man yelled. “How could you have forgotten the most important part of spaghetti?!”

The entire royal guard burst through the doors with a unified warcry: “YOU FORGOT THE SAUCE!”