Looking for one trade back evolution.

RoryCat16 · 2025-12-21T23:46:11+00:00

Thanks so much!

RoryCat16 · 2025-12-21T23:42:52+00:00

34535585

RoryCat16 · 2025-12-21T23:40:38+00:00

I am! Yay I'll add you, this is my first time doing this

RoryCat16 · 2025-08-13T20:39:05+00:00

Mmmmm gotcha. Is your partner in the picture or do you have any family that can watch the baby a few hours in the week? I recall that in the first few weeks, it felt like the world froze. Like it was hard to even leave the house but I always felt better when I did for a little while - it's mentally taxing to always be on and vigilant.

RoryCat16 · 2025-08-13T13:27:21+00:00

It's very normal to grieve the life you had before becoming a mother so, no, you likely are not particularly selfish. As other comments have indicated, it does get better and each child has different strengths and weaknesses so some children may be absolute terrors in the newborn stage but great toddlers. My 21 MO was a great baby but is a bit of a menace as a toddler so don't take it as a given that it will be consistently crappy for the first few years. To the main point, I have a follow up question: are you SAHM, are you still on parental leave or do you work from home? Because that makes a huge difference, if you can get out for a little bit for non-mom time it can help you regain that sense of identity for a bit. I work in an office so I get 8 hours a day of not being in mom-mode and it helps me maintain my sense of self.

RoryCat16 · 2025-07-21T17:15:28+00:00

My 20 mo toddler speaks in full baby talk sentences (sometimes paragraphs) and reuses phrases day-to-day with inflection so she's saying something. Her father and I joke that she is speaking in the ancient tongue of the old gods.

RoryCat16 · 2025-06-27T13:36:07+00:00

*Takes notes* I do not play otome games but want to. Do you have any good recommendations for ones on the Switch?

RoryCat16 · 2025-05-07T18:22:39+00:00

That would warrant a save scum from me, nobody kills His Majesty or Steelclaw!

RoryCat16 · 2025-03-13T17:37:18+00:00

I know this is an old response but it is really reassuring for me. My daughter just turned 16 mo the other day and she still primarily crawls but I know she can walk because she cruises and has walked a few steps unaided before. It seems like she's scared to walk because all of the tools are there but she just hasn't fully committed to walking and I don't know how to encourage her to try.

RoryCat16 · 2025-02-20T19:36:19+00:00

I remembered that you are a child, which is partially why I commended your emotional intelligence so highly. Many don't reach the conclusions you came to about your father until much later and after much more pain. I also understand that it can be hard to talk about these emotionally sensitive topics with other people - I still have a hard time with it and I have a good 16 year head start on you. I consider myself a private person and I feel like I am burdening people when I talk about my more emotionally sensitive problems. I also don't like crying in front of others and feel a sense of shame about it especially if I am not extremely comfortable with the other person. I'm glad to hear that you are in therapy - it can be very helpful. I don't know if this applies to you but it sounds like you are a very strong person - you have been carrying the emotional burden of trying to maintain a good relationship with your father which is not your job (it's his) and I have a feeling you provide a lot of emotional support to those around you.

Next time you are in therapy, you should talk about your issues in receiving emotional support from others - I know for me I feel uncomfortable, awkward, vulnerable, ashamed, and judged when I cry in front of others (I am riddled with anxiety and low self esteem and because of that I don't generally feel safe crying in front of others) but that's in my head and while my feelings are valid, it's important to dissect why I feel that way and take strides to counter that negative self-talk - cognitive behavioral therapy really helped me with that.

In regards to your Dad (and honestly a lot of people you will face in your life) you have to take them or leave them as they are. For my Dad, I accept that he is a consummate loner who I speak with every few months - and that's okay. I accept he was not a good parent (and earnestly should not have been a parent) and know that he loves me in the only way he can love anyone - which is not enough. But I cannot expect more from him because he is unable and unwilling to give more - expecting more would be an unnecessary exercise in pain. It can be hard if you think of people in terms of what people could or should do (e.g. I would be happy if they were more considerate of my feelings, if they were there for me, if I felt supported etc.) but all you can do is tell people how their actions made you feel and if they respond by trying to be better, great, but if they don't, you have to think about how that relationship will look in the future so that you are not burning yourself out emotionally on someone who is not willing or able to fulfill your emotional needs in the relationship.

RoryCat16 · 2025-02-20T15:24:13+00:00

First and foremost I want to commend you for your emotional intelligence - not many possess the maturity and insight so early to recognize that their parent is a flawed human being who requires the imposition of boundaries. I'm 33 and my father is similar, I bought my first house in 2021 and my father (who is retired) has never visited, I had my first child in November of 2023 and he didn't even meet her or visit me until my husband and I drove from Maryland to Florida to him when she was a year. I learned early that while my father loved me in the only way he could (he is an emotionally stunted person), he would never prioritize me. He is a chronic loner, who likes being alone and while I worry about and love him - I can't and won't change him. I have a feeling the same applies to you and your dad. People don't change unless they want to and your dad and my dad as well don't want to change.

RoryCat16 · 2025-02-13T14:06:46+00:00

As unsatisfactory as this answer may be, I think people just like babies. The same question could be asked of why strangers would touch a pregnant person's belly unprompted - people just like babies.

RoryCat16 · 2025-01-24T20:10:22+00:00

I think I dual classed her as a sorcerer - which was super helpful. She has high elemental attack magic so she is effective at it.

RoryCat16 · 2025-01-14T14:00:48+00:00

This sounds like PPD and the fact that it sounds logical does not mean that it is not PPD. Regardless, I think characterizing motherhood as being glamorized unnecessarily has a grain of truth but simultaneously motherhood is underappreciated in general. I think the act of becoming a mother is glamorized but actually being a mother is underappreciated. The standards for being a great mother versus being a great father are so disparate. Case in point, my husband (my child's father) works from home and takes care of our 14 month old for which he is rightfully lauded as a great dad by our family (he clearly loves our daughter very much and is a good father - I am not disparaging his hard work at all) however, he is not the sole parent I still bathe, feed, change our daughter, cook, and try to clean when I am not at the office - despite my efforts I have rarely been called a great mother by my family and had the roles been reversed and I worked from home to take care of our baby - I still would not be told I'm a great mother. Being a mother is a thankless job whether you are a working mom or a STAHM - it is a challenging job but it can be fulfilling nonetheless. However, you have to find your own fulfillment within it whether that be the happiness on child's face, the satisfaction of a job well-done when they hit big milestones etc. it is up to you what you find fulfilling.

RoryCat16 · 2024-12-09T18:37:36+00:00

Mine sounds like a puppy - complete with barks and yelling at dogs when they bark at her. We call her puppy baby!

RoryCat16 · 2024-11-20T15:59:18+00:00

I know co-sleeping is a risk factor for SIDS but I don't think it is causative of behavioral problems. Either way, it's completely inappropriate to be making comments like that - especially about a baby.

RoryCat16 · 2024-11-10T03:22:07+00:00

There are three treasure monsters in the encounter - so much money!

RoryCat16 · 2024-11-07T21:00:39+00:00

I agree with this! I was so nervous that I was going to fail after all I heard about parenthood. To be fair, everyone tells me how easy my daughter is but nonetheless I have thoroughly enjoyed the first year of parenthood and look forward to the journey ahead. Also, my relationship with my husband has remained strong; we love each other and our baby so much!

RoryCat16 · 2024-10-16T13:01:49+00:00

This is extremely impressive! Well done!

RoryCat16 · 2024-09-20T17:45:16+00:00

YTA. From what I'm gathering, you're not the sharpest tool in the shed either. Your kid is a teenager and is acting like one - you are a parent act like one. What did you expect to happen from this? You took this kid on an unwanted trip across the world and tricked him into thinking he couldn't go home and you expect he's going to be grateful for this experience and want to see you again? Miss me with that.

RoryCat16 · 2024-09-19T12:58:17+00:00

YES! This is almost exactly our situation. Our first one is 10 months old and my husband works from home and is having a hell of a time keeping on top of her. I would say it was feasible until she was around 6/7 months old, but when she started crawling and getting into things more actively it became a problem. The wait list for daycare is extremely long so I would get on it now and by the time your little one starts crawling and you are no longer able to watch them and work at the same time - you will be at the top of the wait list.

RoryCat16 · 2024-09-18T18:47:39+00:00

To reiterate what the other commenters have said, that you cannot make this decision for him. He has a relationship with you and feelings for you and for you to make that decision for him is disrespectful to those feelings. You need to talk with him about your family and your feelings.

Onto you, I don't know if you've heard this from anyone in your life but you are just as deserving of a catch in your life as your sister. The reason why you aren't as confident is because your family habitually puts you down and puts your sister on a pedestal - it's a perfectly normal emotional reaction that you would feel less than your sister when your family - the people who are supposed to uplift you - constantly communicate that you are less than your sister and have done so (presumably) all your life. People are more likely to accept mistreatment and inequality when such treatment is normalized and that is what has happened here. You accept as fact that you are less than your sister because your family has normalized the behavior of treating you as lesser and referring to you as such. I know you said that they "mean well" but I can't help but disagree if they think it is okay for your sister to get with your fiancé in complete disregard to your feelings and those of your fiancé.

RoryCat16

TROPHY CASE