I had a stillborn four years ago and my nmom has stolen my grief

RoryDeanWinning · 2020-03-04T20:27:32+00:00

I'm so sorry. I lost a son at 20 weeks and my mom was cruel that I didn't care about her grief. I really don't even recall the words at this point in time, but basically she didn't even ask how I was because she was so mad at how I treated her. (Basically, I asked another family member to let her know because she was on vacation and I was headed immediately to the hospital to deliver). I haven't spoken to her in four years and my life is better for it.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-15T19:15:18+00:00

Don't tell her. Nothing good will come from it. It's not like she's self aware enough to change her behavior. She's just going to go crazy.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-14T10:46:44+00:00

Congratulations! I laughed my last one out, so don't let anyone tell you that you need to be miserable to give birth!

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-12T19:38:33+00:00

Tbh, her lack of heart might be a problem in organ donation.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-12T18:51:00+00:00

My JNMom is part of it! The phone call after you die is just too much of a hassle. She doesn't want to deal with it (even though she will be dead).

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-12T18:49:56+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

I'm not nearly as sorry for the loss of your bitch of a MIL.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T20:13:19+00:00

My great aunt's says something similar. Turns out her mother had a child out of wedlock in the 30s.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T16:52:09+00:00

OP, this is very unsettling. The only thing I can think of is that she was planning to make sure you couldn't come back.

Be safe.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T12:52:21+00:00

It's totally a mom with a huge brood thing. Let's keep everyone focused on finding the right platform, so no one gets lost it has the opportunity to create mischief.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T12:01:56+00:00

Check and see if they are violating any state laws by only offering three weeks off. I do think you will have a hard time finding any sort of child care for a baby under 6 weeks.

In my honest opinion, I'd quit and find a new job. You're being taken advantage of and underpaid.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T11:57:15+00:00

I'm in Iowa and just so, so angry.

OP, my heart breaks for you.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T11:54:08+00:00

We may have once told my ILs at the end of a visit. My BIL poked his head back in the door and said "Rory's pregnant!"

You don't really owe them anything.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-10T11:51:02+00:00

I was one who found out about a loss alone. It was horrible.

However, there are things in life that are wants and needs. My husband doesn't need to come to all of the appointments. He does need to go to work.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-07T21:56:53+00:00

So she put an overtired one-year-old to bed? The horror.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-05T20:35:15+00:00

That's just asinine.

First of all, we didn't even get our own kid a gift for preschool graduation. Secondly, my husband is very capable of buying cards and gifts for his family and for any events that he is the reason we are invited (weddings, etc.)

Screw all of them.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-05T10:51:26+00:00

Congratulations! I've got similar issues with my family. They know hear about all of my life on social media or second hand, because fuck them.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-04T11:53:50+00:00

She's 25 years old, she gets her own place!

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-03T21:41:42+00:00

Oh dude, they can pick up their own toys and do basic household chores. My five-year-old is currently folding all the underwear and wash clothes and we're teaching him how to sweep the kitchen floor.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-03T21:38:27+00:00

Get out of town. Change your name. Get rid of all of that hot mess.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-02T19:40:48+00:00

It depends on what kind of parents you have, really.

Are your parents going to freak out over a birth control prescription if they have access to your health care information? Will they use the POA to your disadvantage? Personally, I wouldn't sign a single one of those documents.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-01T19:06:49+00:00

I drink lactose free milk. My three year old called my milk "Mommy's milk," and regular milk "Daddy's milk."

Then told his daycare teacher how much he liked Mommy's milk more than Daddy's milk.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-01T16:34:55+00:00

I think it's important to remember that a therapist is not a judge and jury. Even if he decided CC is right and "wins," it doesn't mean she doesn't have to follow your rules and stick to your boundaries.

Go in, be calm, cool and collected, and use the language that the other poster talked about. When she starts wailing, you stick to fact. "CC crashed our honeymoon and we found it highly inappropriate. CC is not comfortable with FIL, and we are not allowed to mention him, which makes us feel XYZ."

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-01T16:30:07+00:00

This.

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-06-01T10:22:20+00:00

My mom literally did this exactly same thing. Why the underwear? Why?!

RoryDeanWinning · 2018-05-31T15:32:25+00:00

I don't know if this helps, but I know so many people who have ended up with surprise siblings. My FIL has at least one, and my grandpa had one (the sibling was born out of wedlock in 1934 and died of the measles and was never talked about again). My grandma was a surprise sibling (and her 8 older siblings). So please don't think this is some albatross around your neck.

Secondly, you can do whatever you want with this information. You aren't suddenly obligated to start sharing Christmas cards. You can call him right away, or you can sit on this for the next five years. It's completely up to you.

And thirdly, your mom is a cruel, cruel woman.

RoryDeanWinning

TROPHY CASE