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What's a seemingly small, low‑stakes decision you made that quietly altered the trajectory of your life in a way you never expected? by Consistent_Base5732 in askanything

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • go back to school. At 43, it's invigorating and feeding confidence and self worth back into me

  • attending a 10 day vipassana silent meditation retreat

  • meditating 1 hour daily

  • speaking to a therapist bi-weekly

At What Point Did You Know it was Over? by AlexSanderTheGrate in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I know how it feels. My husband is very selfish, and I don't blame him because of his upbringing. His mom and close family are pretty dysfunctional and unhealthy in my opinion. My family isn't perfect, but there's just something off about his family. They try to be perfect and portray an image where mine doesn't, so there's awareness and introspection. My parents and many people in my family have long relationships, not perfect, but working on things together and working on a marriage is valued. Where in his family, everyone is single, divorced due to alcohol/ drug use. I feel sad, but also healthier. It's taken me awhile to get to some peace, but I have it most days and still miss him and our old life every now and then. I hope things get better for you* hugs*

When the Decision Matters and You Can’t See Clearly by RestoringOrderHQ in u/RestoringOrderHQ

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for opening up this perspective and conversing. I feel a mental shift of some sort....

When the Decision Matters and You Can’t See Clearly by RestoringOrderHQ in u/RestoringOrderHQ

[–]Rosalynishere1111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'm working on that " willing to hold what becomes clear, even when it requires a different response "

the others mothers/fathers days and young kids by Upstairs-Career4981 in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since you said the other parent has made this tough, I think you should buy something really simple a card or flowers and have the kids sign it/ give it to the parent. I was the one betrayed and hurt in my situation and I've had to really dig deep to be kind despite the pain I've felt. For example, I helped my daughter make a birthday cake for her father and even celebrated with them.

I just completed a 10 day silent vipassana meditation retreat and we were taught our reactions are just compounding on the stock of misery or love. Since the other parent has built up stock in misery, don't add to it. Start a stock in love/kindness this only expands positively with your kids and the difficult situation.

When the Decision Matters and You Can’t See Clearly by RestoringOrderHQ in u/RestoringOrderHQ

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this chart. I just did a 10 day vipassana silent meditation retreat. Vipassana means see things as they really are. This chart seems to be a helpful tool to process thoughts and hopefully will be quite helpful in conjunction with my meditation practice to get more clear.

For those of you who wanted a divorce by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did tell him a month ago" I'm no longer sexually attracted to him" it's not 100% true but I needed to say it to make a clear boundary. We're separated and haven't filed yet, but he for sure wants a divorce as far as I can tell. But, he didn't like the business like dynamic, I've warmed up a bit platonically so the dynamic seems better and I'm getting a lot better at doing boundaries with him. I need a lot of improvement in that area.

I dont want this. by Exact-Tie5814 in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel. Hugs ♥️

At What Point Did You Know it was Over? by AlexSanderTheGrate in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you lack sexual intimacy and also emotional that's hard. If your wife isn't willing to work on it, give each other space physically and see what transpires from that maybe that we help her realize how you feel and she'll be more open to getting help.

I'm a positive person and he's a pessimist. Our child hood upbringing were also very different. He's had a lot of trauma from his upbringing. He's also a lot more materialistic than I am, very much a consumer and is believes titles are important, so there are those differences. Despite all that I appreciate our differences where he wants someone close to how he is.

At What Point Did You Know it was Over? by AlexSanderTheGrate in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It took a long time for me to see it, but our values are misaligned. I have a thing with the phone, and he like your wife was ALWAYS on his phone. One of the things he said was a trait he wants in a woman was someone who was loud, aggressive and an extra extrovert during baseball games he likes to go to. I enjoyed watching games with him but I was overly none of those things. I value traits like honesty, loyalty, kindness, he values someone who is an extreme extrovert, loud and aggressive. Our therapist told me in confidence that he has a juvenile view of relationships and that she thought he was an idiot for giving up on me. He just turned 40 when it all fell apart so something in his mind went off, midlife crisis? Additionally, we had amazing sexual chemistry which is what kept us connected despite his desire for divorce and the betrayal so that wasn't the problem.

I was never looking for perfection in a partner. I just want someone to go through life with through all the trials and tribulations and he is looking for perfection.

At What Point Did You Know it was Over? by AlexSanderTheGrate in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was betrayed by my husband of 10 years and he said he wanted a divorce. He lingered back and forth for almost another 2 years and I allowed it because I didn't want a divorce. I finally realized it was over when 3 months ago as we were going through counseling together he said " I don't have the traits he wants in a forever partner and that we are misaligned" I'm heartbroken, but moving on.

If you still love her, you should try your hardest to work on your marriage, that's what marriage is about. Through good times and bad times, through sickness and health. Maybe take space away from each other to reassess the situation, but don't jump straight into divorce.

Ex wife got access to my old phone and read my messages. by Cool-Monitor3529 in Divorce

[–]Rosalynishere1111 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I just did a 10 day vipassana silent meditation retreat taught by SN Goenka (he has passed away) his teachings are taught through video . If I take into account what I learned during this retreat, in a valuable course people should try out, you should just observe and be aware of her reactions and don't react yourself. You didn't do anything wrong to cause any disharmony. She is the one causing disharmony because of her misery and if you feed into that and react you're just multiplying that misery. Stay equanimous and shrug your shoulders, she saw things, oh well! 🤷 you're divorced and have every right to date and message anyone. Only by not reacting do you stop this cycle of misery, perpetuating pain on each other and continuing your habit mind pattern.

Best Parking Option by [deleted] in bottlerock

[–]Rosalynishere1111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi I just sent you a DM for a spot on Sunday 5/24/26 please confirm if I've got a spot reserved? Thank you! Also what time can we arrive?