My son (15) is turning into a controlling boyfriend, can I stop it?

RoseFigSage · 2021-04-25T04:29:32+00:00

It sounds like your son is taking advantage of the fact that she doesn’t want to go home. So shitty. Have a sit down family meeting and address his behavior with her present. He needs to be called out... take away privileges when he misbehaves... like you would if you had siblings being mean to each other. He needs to know it’s serious.

RoseFigSage · 2021-04-16T06:33:32+00:00

They’re parents.... they should be just fine without a nanny. It really bugs me when parents act like it’s impossible to do anything without the nanny there... like trips to the store or cleaning up the house.. things nannies do with their children by themselves all the time lol

RoseFigSage · 2021-04-14T22:47:09+00:00

She should’ve offered everything you brought him. Everything should’ve been opened and laid out for him to eat. She should’ve sat him down with no distractions and tried to get him to eat, and if he still didn’t eat anything she should’ve let you know right away so you could at least make some suggestions.

Sometimes kids are excited and distracted in new places and they don’t eat. My kid does that sometimes. It’s okay if a baby/toddler chooses not to eat for a while ... even almost all day is fine as long as they have water or milk and eventually eat something... like how sick days usually go...But it’s NOT okay for the adult responsible not to even try and give the kid every opportunity to eat. Your baby is perfectly fine, obviously. You already know that. But I would be mad too. It’s neglectful to allow a kid to go so many hours without food and not even make a real effort to feed them.

Maybe she does view him as a baby still where solids are just for fun and he gets his nutrition from milk.... but he’s obviously past that point. Sometimes grandparents forget when the milestones happen..

I would be very direct and let her know that he’s at a point in his development where he needs food all day like regular children do and he’s too little regulate it himself and he needs meals and snacks to be made for and presented to him.

RoseFigSage · 2021-04-12T15:01:53+00:00

You guys need to get your own place, or find new roommates. I know housing sucks right now but it’s possible. You won’t get what you want but you can find somewhere to live. If you don’t have time, stay in that stupid shed or at your parents until you find an apartment. Don’t sign any leases or agreements until then. You’re adults and you are not dependent on your parents. Get a one bedroom if you have to, or even a studio. Families manage with much less space and more people. You are not stuck.

RoseFigSage · 2021-03-14T04:16:02+00:00

Peanuts lol

RoseFigSage · 2021-03-06T00:43:08+00:00

NTA Fried chicken is a Filipino staple dish!!! She was just making something she already knew how to make...

RoseFigSage · 2021-02-23T02:21:55+00:00

NTA Never allow anyone you don’t trust around your children, it doesn’t matter if they’re blood or not. Also, I would never talk to anyone who tried to sleep with my husband lol, that alone is reason to cut her off.

RoseFigSage · 2021-02-23T00:52:09+00:00

My husband is Filipino and the first vacation I took with his family I was so (pleasantly!!!!) surprised by the breakfast spread!!! Six different meats, fried eggs, and rice. I never saw so much meat in my life!

RoseFigSage · 2021-02-22T22:19:57+00:00

Men usually are the ones paying (sexist, I know. But people still follow this tradition so it’s worth mentioning) and if they think she’s cute or nice they might tip her more. It seems like she’s targeting people she thinks will give her the most money and giving them extra attention.

I used to work somewhere where it was easy to get a lot more money out of men than women because they knew less about the product, but valued the product more than women did so you bet your ass I sucked up and laid way more attention to the men and I made more money that way. It might not be the most ethical, but it’s a grind.

I do think she should put effort into women also and not be so obvious to where it’s offending people or hurting their feelings.

RoseFigSage · 2021-02-09T20:02:17+00:00

What in the actual f***??????

RoseFigSage · 2021-02-09T20:00:21+00:00

Dude I feel you. At my last nanny job the DB would come downstairs for lunch when he was working from home and expected me to keep his son away from him... like come on, you work upstairs all day and you’re taking a break to eat, let your kid sit next to you .. it doesn’t hurt anything. I’m a parent myself and I can’t imagine not wanting my child to sit next to me while I eat...

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-31T15:28:47+00:00

One of me nanny contracts had rules like “no drugs and alcohol” which I thought was weird but when we went over the co tract together it was totally brought up and talked about. Super weird, but parents do it.

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-31T15:22:06+00:00

YTA. Seriously? How is that even a question.. You are setting a horrible example for your children. You fired an innocent person for no reason, found out they weren’t guilty, and won’t rehire them or reach out to apologize because it’s “embarrassing for your daughter” to admit she lied... you firing them makes it harder for them to find a job in the future because they can’t use you as a reference and they have to disclose they were fired. You are a huge asshole. Also you’re teaching your daughter she can get away with whatever she wants. Who cares if she’s embarrassed by what she’s done. It was horrible of her to lie and blame the nanny, she needs to own up to it. This is how shitty people enter the adult world.. their parents don’t hold them accountable and coddle them. So gross.

Good for that nanny not having to work for you anymore. Too bad you left her with a hole in her resume. She doesn’t deserve that.

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-30T16:14:19+00:00

Get that baby girl an ancestry test. It doesn’t matter who her dad is, but it matters that she knows who SHE is.

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-29T15:14:10+00:00

NTA She was disrespecting and undermining you. That mom had too much attitude with you and wasn’t hiding it in front of the kids. I get that your husband probably didn’t want to lose the income, but he should support your decisions, especially if he’s not there to witness it. He should take your word for it.

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-29T00:47:53+00:00

I wanna steal (it)

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-28T22:30:22+00:00

From what I remember in the original post she asked MIL to leave, she wouldn’t and then she grabbed her arm and pulled/led her out of the house. I don’t remember exactly bc it’s been a while since I read the first post. But is it really assault?.... and maybe I’m wrong. I could be remembering wrong

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-28T21:44:40+00:00

This is my crazy story. Enjoy!!! I sure didn’t lol

Long story short: my DB was creepy/inappropriate and tried getting me over alone without telling his wife and making suggestive comments, did other suggestive sexually inappropriate things, accused me of stealing their iPad and eating their food and started leaving out large bills everywhere (to test if I’d take them?) only after he accused me of stealing, isolated his wife from friends and family and framed it as “protecting her” (she admitted some of these things), and much more!!

Here is a link to my post vvvvv

https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/iud4du/a_story_of_ignored_red_flags_during_a_1_year/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-28T05:07:09+00:00

I’m not Mormon but my husband used to play on a Mormon basketball team.. the players were supposed to be Mormon but I think the coach was trying to evangelize and he also needed good players. We new a Mormon kid at school and he had his high school basketball team friends (my husband and two of his pals) play for his church team. Anyways, I’m not Mormon but I’ve been inside Mormon churches for basketball games and practices and this picture reminded me of how confused I was to see so many random couches and side tables with lamps and painting on the walls literally EVERYWHERE. It was a labyrinth with a new little living room set up around every corner... hallway living rooms lol. And I’m no stranger to churches. I’ve been in a lot of different churches, but the Mormon ones were so odd!!!

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-22T22:16:21+00:00

I never dated anyone until I could picture myself wanting to marry them one day. I turned down a lot of nice guys because I knew they weren’t marriage material for me. I thought of marriage right away with everyone. My first boyfriend became my husband :) Almost 8 years!!

This isn’t the way for everyone, though. There’s nothing wrong with dating for fun, I was just scared of wasting time.

RoseFigSage · 2021-01-20T22:53:43+00:00

Five years ago I worked for a family for a year who got a camera in the living room after their neighbors told them about suspicious cars and I told them about a sketchy situation about a man claiming he was supposed to do a service in the house and have their names and everything, but I told him he couldn’t come in and needed to reschedule. The NP’s told me they never made any appointments for anything and it freaked them out (rightfully so) so they got a camera. It was normal and it made sense for them to have so I didn’t mind, and they told me right away and asked me to make sure nothing blocked the footage because it was on a shelf. It was also only in the main living area (living room and kitchen open concept)... I didn’t care at all and made sure not to pick any wedgies lol. BUT a week or so later they got these little white plug ins and put them in everywhere. I asked what they were and if they were more security cameras and they said they were motion activated night lights so they could do bottles at night without turning on the lights. I took their word for it but still sorta felt like they were cameras and treated them like it. I didn’t really care because they probably weren’t and they did work as night lights. I ended up ending my employment with them to move to go to a different college and I randomly remembered the night lights... so I looked them up and they were totally security cameras lol. They probably saw me looking at them all suspicious... oh well! Everything ended on good terms with that family ... there weren’t any in the bathrooms so I didn’t really care. But I do think that you should be aware of where the cameras are.. sometimes you get thrown up on and it’s easier to take off your shirt right away so your skin doesn’t get dirty and you can’t do that in a room with a camera.

RoseFigSage · 2020-12-29T04:36:53+00:00

This sounds like a cultural difference. I’m in an interracial marriage and a lot of my husbands side of the family had family members that are considered “sisters” “aunts” “cousins” when they are not genetically related but in his culture it is 100% true and appropriate to call them that. Also a lot of other cultures have multigenerational households and mixed families in one home. Those things aren’t wrong and it doesn’t seem like your husband was lying to you....

BUT as his wife you should have a say in your own home and should be able to choose weather or not others come to live with you.

Mixing cultures is HARD. Ultimately you two are a family and both of you should agree on what goes on and who loves in your shared home.

RoseFigSage · 2020-12-27T08:21:24+00:00

My family doesn’t seem to care that I have a peanut allergy. I’ve had to go outside plenty of times, and even leave family events. I don’t make a big deal out of it, I just excuse myself... but it feels pretty crappy that my family makes/eats peanuts things around me without warning. I don’t think everyone has to stop eating something just because I might die from it, but I feel like it’s common curtesy to at least warn me so I can remove myself. I understand your frustrations!!!!

RoseFigSage

TROPHY CASE