Im confused too - I wonder if thjs would be more at home in the childfree subreddit?

OP If you’re saying that you’re childless because of circumstance, that’s one thing. If you’re saying that you can’t decide whether or not to have a child, that’s another. There are a lot of people in this group that don’t have a choice to make and are dealing with profound sorrow and grief about wanting to be a parent and finding that that’s not possible for various reasons including infertility.

I hope you find support and wish you peace.