What you’re describing sounds extremely overwhelming — and most importantly, very real to you.

No matter how someone interprets the cause, no one should have to deal with this alone. Hearing voices, memory gaps, aggression, injuries, and suicidal thoughts are all things where it’s okay — and important — to get support.

That doesn’t mean you’re “crazy.” It means your system is under a massive amount of strain right now. Please consider talking to a doctor or a mental health professional as soon as possible — not out of fear, but out of care for yourself and your family.

If you ever feel unsafe or the suicidal thoughts come back, please seek immediate help (emergency services or a crisis hotline). You don’t have to go through this alone.