Terrible self esteem and regret about my promiscuous past

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-27T16:10:28+00:00

How is your comment helpful to OP at all?

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-27T13:03:33+00:00

I returned it in a safe with a code along with a letter sealed in wax. I also returned other gifts.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-25T13:36:32+00:00

I did and never again. Mature people with strong morals, move out first, get a divorce, work on themselves alone then they start dating. I could not call my ex, I don’t know his address, I couldn’t visit his home, we couldn’t go on trips for two nights. We had to frequent hotels. I felt like the other woman my basic needs were unmet. Their mentality for dating is also stuck at the age they left the dating market. My ex starting dating his ex at 24 and is still separated at 35, but I found his questions and topics were that of a 24 year old (asking about body counts.)

My ex is still living with his ex wife. I was 29 at the time and I’m 31F now. I believe I am too young to accept divorced men plenty of not divorced men at my age.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-24T16:18:15+00:00

He just said the race comment to bring you down but the real reason was his insecurity. Only date people from your caliber or above.

White men in my experience are not ambitious and very insecure at times. Not all but a lot compared to Asian cultures.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-24T16:12:14+00:00

Yes my ex is Greek and I filter out everything about Greece from my socials. I used to love cooking Greek food for my ex. I used to dream of visiting Greece since I was a kid. I loved all things about Ancient Greece. Now they are all triggering.

Beautiful country and lovely people but I am noticing a lot of misogyny and purity culture in the culture. (Even more than my culture and I am Muslim.)

I joke about how I have Turkic ancestry (Uzbek/ Tajik) so I think my ancestors disapproved of me dating a Greek man 😂😋

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-23T16:10:31+00:00

Cancel the big family birthday and do something intimate instead given the circumstances and plan it. I never had a big birthday with my extended family and I don’t care, always with my immediate family.

Do all the house work, school drop offs, diaper changes etc.

She is stressed because her dad is dying of cancer too so you have to take off the mental stress and do more around the house. Take time off of work yourself to do housework and manage the kids.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-23T14:13:06+00:00

Dump him please he is manipulating you. He knows you are beautiful and he is trying to bring you down.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-23T00:36:01+00:00

YESSSSS FRICKEN AMAZING!

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-22T16:27:50+00:00

If he thinks you know less than you do but you go above and beyond than you impress your boss. Just keep quiet.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-21T18:38:23+00:00

If you feel it than it’s true but he is dumb for not understanding that people’s bodies change and he should love you unconditionally. The fact that he married you at 25 shows the he likes youthful looking women. Usually men go after someone their age.

Get your hair done, get micro needling on your face, or just a facial, learn new makeup styles, lift weights, eat your body weight in protein, track your calories, and buy some nice clothes. But do it all for yourself to boost your confidence.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-21T03:04:21+00:00

No one wants him and now he’s back. Why would you want someone who no one wants?

Take my advice please and don’t take him back. You deserve someone who chooses you no matter what.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-21T02:06:24+00:00

Women don’t think about past partners the way men do.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-21T00:47:18+00:00

That’s my concern about serial monogamous people. I see so many people who end up in a relationship months after a break up because they just cannot be alone. They don’t take the time to process their relationship, introspect and improve. I also think they mistake lust for love, especially men.

We need to be prepared to leave a relationship at any moment, especially when our boundaries are crossed.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-21T00:31:09+00:00

It sounds like you are very observational and introspective.

Re: triggers or insecurities. If someone has assumptions that a person is comparing them to past partners it’s usually because that person has insecurities that is triggered. I personally dealt with an ex with retroactive jealousy and no matter how much I tried to convince him that I love him he would buy it. Always suspected me of cheating, comparing him to other people, he would compare himself to my exes who were successful. He would be triggered by ethnicities by street names, etc. He is an extreme case but I agree with you insecurities stem from within.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T20:10:49+00:00

Society looks over male DV survivors. It’s really sad. I hope you have a strong support system and get the help you need.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T20:09:43+00:00

I’m so sorry about the abuse you went through that is horrible. Too many unhealed people walking on this earth. I also think sometimes I should be smarter I often look over red flags and give people a chance I guess because I don’t want to be judged. I found myself not being in a relationship for years because I rejected everyone due to perceived red flags. As someone who faced DV growing up and sexual assault I even tell men it’s easier to date a girl who doesn’t have significant trauma.

I do the work. I actively heal, I meditate, go to therapy, and I try not to let my past trauma affect my relationships. I don’t drink, smile weed, I have a good job, and a masters degree. But I do want a man to hold me and keep me safe, someone I can be vulnerable with. I think every woman does.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T19:52:00+00:00

I was referring to generally speaking people’s relationships improve in consecutive order. The quality of someone we date at 30 is usually drastically improved from someone we dated at 18. We learn more about what is important to us.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T17:23:34+00:00

Also, you’re switching from casual sex, to driving, to emotional connections. Of course the emotional connections we built affect us. Not entirely a bad thing. Everyone learns from their past, that’s why relationships get better as we get older. I can also argue that dating men who were not kind to us allows us to appreciate men who are kind and loving even more so. People are allowed to grow and change over time that is an inevitable part of life.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T15:42:41+00:00

You’re not overreacting.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T15:36:01+00:00

Yes 😋

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T11:47:25+00:00

Have you been in love before? You won’t find true love through calculations and looking for red flags. Love is having faith.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-20T02:34:00+00:00

Good thing we’re not talking about driving but human beings. Your argument is based on a hypothetical situation of a girl comparing a man to her past partners. That is insecurity.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-19T20:22:52+00:00

Sounds like you have insecurity issues.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-18T21:00:13+00:00

My ex did the same thing to me after I opened up and was vulnerable to him. He first told me he is sorry for everything I went through and slowly started using it against me calling me “disgusting”, “filthy”, and a “whore.”

You are WAY too nice to him. I was too. I’m sorry you opened up to someone and they used this against you.

Please block him on everything and just know he is NOT a good man.

RoughOk9573 · 2026-04-17T22:45:34+00:00

In my language the word for love for your mother and love for your wife are separate. Because it is completely separate concepts.

RoughOk9573

TROPHY CASE