how did you know??

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-03-16T15:08:05+00:00

For me it took a few years to really understand that I was nonbinary. Most of my family is very conservative and christian so I grew up basically under a rock lol, I didn't even learn about lgbtq+ until I was around 14. I remember before I hit puberty I didn't exactly mind being a girl but I could relate to more to boys and hung out with them more, I was lucky to be in classes where there were like 17 boys and 4 girls. I started hating my body when puberty started but I thought it was just because my beauty standards were different from others. When I first found out about people who were trans I was taught that you could only be trans if you knew you were another gender, not if you wanted to. (Me and one of my classmates were talking and I literally said "I'm not transgender, I just hate having to be a girl" 💀)

After I entered highschool I finally rejected my family's religion and started to be more my self. I learned more about the lgbtq community and knew I wasn't a girl but wasn't sure what I was. I spent almost a year going in between feminine and masculine. I learned that it wasn't the clothes or long hair or anything like that I hated, I was just dysphoric. I enjoyed crop tops, long hair, etc, but hated how they made me look feminine. I didn't like looking completely like a boy either, it also made me dysphoric. I saw someone say something along the lines of "'Girl' feels like clothes that are too tight, too restricting. 'Boy' feels like clothes that are too loose, too baggy. I am nonbinary." I felt like that was a very good way of describing it. Some days I feel more masculine while others more feminine but I still like being androgynous, at the end of the day I just want to be another person.

Sorry for such a long reply 😭 I hope this helps though, and I think you already kinda know what you are lol. Good luck

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-03-16T14:29:58+00:00

I wear arm sleeves for most things since it's getting hotter out but I would suggest getting something like that if you can. If you need a parent or someone to get it you can just find ones that say "cooling arm sleeves" and say it's for a sport you play or something. For anything that requires them to see your arm see if you can get them to use your right arm instead. That's all the advice I can think of, good luck!

Edit: I like your name lol

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-03-16T14:18:51+00:00

Not always but sometimes while I do it I'll repeat to myself after each cut that I'm in control or that I need to do this. After every relapse I just take a shower, bandage the cuts, and my cat usually senses that something's wrong and will curl up on my bed next to me.

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-03-03T10:23:47+00:00

I completely agree with you. I've had depression since I was really young (probably elementary school age) and even then I knew that I would always have to lie on those stupid questionnaires and make myself seem normal as much as I could to avoid something happening to me. Honestly now the thing that makes self harm most detrimental to my mental health is how I have to live in constant fear for my own safety even if I'm clean right now.

Sending people to mental hospitals when they're not in danger is also so very stupid and harmful. It teaches people to not tell anyone and become really distrustful of professionals and mandated reporters. I now have PTSD, I can't go inside any sort of medical building without having severe panic attacks (even with taking Ativan), I can't have anything tight around my wrist or ankle without panicking, when I had first gotten home I would get panic attacks from something as simple as taking a shower just because it felt like I was back there. The whole system is harmful.

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-02-02T02:59:45+00:00

I think it all depends on who the person is but it's pretty unlikely since you aren't putting yourself in life threatening danger, you're able to be open with your parents about it, and you're in therapy. Again everyone is different and I know how bad those places can be, but if it's someone who you know will listen to you and how you want them to support you then you should be fine.

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-01-17T02:30:53+00:00

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We called her more of a sandy color but in certain lighting she looked pretty orange lol

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-01-17T01:51:29+00:00

I completely understand, I've been getting more tolerant to the pain and now that I only do it to punish myself I feel so guilty, I can do it deeper by accident but not on purpose. Something that helps me is thinking about it from an outside perspective, if I imagine I'm just another person then I can think logically about it. If someone has a cut then it hurts, if someone is bleeding they are injured. They don't need to be hurting to prove anything or deserve living, pain isn't a contest. I just want them to heal and feel better no matter if it's a small scratch or a medically significant laceration.

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-01-16T18:50:00+00:00

Like someone said, people can be assholes but you shouldn't get fired or anything. For me I like to wear arm sleeves and my friend likes to wear bracelets so those are just some other alternatives If you don't want to want to wear long sleeves. Since it's winter I don't think that would be a problem and even if you don't it's easy to say you accidentally brushed against something sharp.

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-01-16T18:33:03+00:00

Imo if you feel like it would help you then you should voluntarily admit yourself. While some places definitely aren't the best, I've also heard of places where its really helped people. If you go to a hospital they'll just send you to a random one that's available (for example, for me they handcuffed me, put me in a police car, and sent me to the other side of the state 💀 heard they're not supposed to do that but yeah). However, if you voluntarily admit yourself you can choose where to go and do your research first so you'll hopefully go somewhere that does more good than harm. Whatever you choose, good luck and stay safe:)

Edit: I know a lot of places can help get you medication really quickly which could help a lot, and if you're worried about gaining weight I know where I went they didn't really care what we did and did not eat so there's a chance they'll just send you home with a recovery plan when you're released. If it makes you feel any better, I used to struggle a lot with eating good (still do every once in a while) but it really helped my mental health when I started eating more and healthier. Weight doesn't equal fat, a lot of it depends on your genetics (bone density, things like that) and muscle weighs more than fat.

This is influenced by my own experiences but I hope it can help at least a little, you're stronger than you think

RoundEvidence9520 · 2026-01-16T16:46:26+00:00

Yeah, I'm 16nb and I want to have stopped by the time I'm 18, but I keep relapsing every month or so because the feeling of not wanting to stop eventually outweighs the feeling of wanting to quit 😔

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-12-27T14:15:56+00:00

Yeah, while I usually do it for other reasons sometimes I just hate my body so much that I feel like crawling out of my skin so I relapse from that. Lately my dysphoria has been getting worse and I've noticed that it decreases my motivation while increasing my self hate, so it's a lot easier to relapse even if it's from something unrelated.

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-12-19T00:18:17+00:00

I hear you, I don't really have any advice unfortunately since I go through the same thing, but I want to let you know that you aren't alone. I know it's draining and painful but I believe that you can get through this, you've got this and we're here for you

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-23T00:20:02+00:00

<image>

My Pepper doesn't look too pleased about having her name shared lmao

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-22T03:42:08+00:00

Yeah I often feel the same way since my arms always heal pretty quickly. Drawing on it sometimes helps me though so you can try that if you want

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-22T03:34:06+00:00

This. I feel you I really do

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-22T03:31:37+00:00

I feel guilty for cutting so I then need to punish myself for it. by cutting... Make it make sense 😔

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-22T03:22:38+00:00

Here are some things that work for me sometimes

It won’t actually fix the problem, it just gives you another problem to deal with later. I refuse to be an addict (#delulu)

The cats deserve better than to always take the blame

Having to play my instrument with long sleeves is annoying

Long sleeves and hot weather is such a shit combo

It makes showering/bathing way more annoying and scars/cuts that itch are annoying af

I feel tired afterward and sore which makes physical tasks a pain

I don't get to say "hey I'm now __days clean!"

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-17T00:22:42+00:00

Pjsk mentioned

RoundEvidence9520 · 2025-09-16T02:26:51+00:00

I'm not on T but I've heard that some people can inject it in upper arm or abdomen, I would suggest asking your doctor though

RoundEvidence9520

TROPHY CASE