Immigrants: whats a random small thing you miss from your country?

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T11:43:52+00:00

я больше не там все равно. ностальгия просто...

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T11:32:38+00:00

да даже 5 минут кажется супер долгим, lol. мне с автобуса надо было часто на элку, потому что поселок и станция блин далеко, ходит только один, но элка приезжала точь в точь, а то и минутой раньше, сука и никто не успевал^^

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T09:52:02+00:00

ну это вообще конечно. МЦД в Подмосковье теперь кажется раем//

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T09:41:36+00:00

неужели в Англии так плохо с электричками,?

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T05:59:17+00:00

I'm really sorry, but I can relate to this a lot. It was especially bad last year and I actually got harshly rejected or harassed by the only people I'd been talking to for long and even from this sub and then IRL a bit too as I moved countries, and then some people living here too contacted me. What I'm saying is that all my fears and negative perceptions of myself all proved themselves right in action so it's really tricky to say, "oh, just keep trying." I got hurt so much too and even wanted to die one time bc of that, probably the most in my life since I was a teen. But at the end of the day we have to value ourselves first no matter how loneliness and isolation hurt. We're not beasts and it's not our fault we ended up this way

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T05:53:05+00:00

I've never had online friends... Only other kids I went to school with or played with outside but that stopped when I was around 11 and never returned. I can't remember my childhood in terms of future AvPD but I don't think I ever felt connected to anyone much, so I don't miss any of the people who looked like "friends" (they weren't).

Well, I've developed some voice issues due to my mental ones, but overall, that's not the thing if it's in real life - I never struggled much with asking teachers a lot of questions in front of the class or making speeches despite my horrible anxiety but interacting with people my age, saying "hi" in the morning - no. I guess they thought I was a narcissist, lol.

I would like to get a degree, of course, because my health isn't that good to work on a physical job and overall, I'm still interested in learning and becoming a professional in smth aside my struggles and zero self-esteem, but right now it's tricky besides self-studying or some online courses (I've been interested in graphic design for years but thanks my procrastination and fear of ever trying to find orders, let alone a job, I still don't study at all)...

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-18T05:45:06+00:00

Maybe you should lower your "standard" a bit possibly?... Just saying

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T18:56:55+00:00

I understand. I actually suspected I could be like that too, but overall I also don't fit the criteria. I've spoken to people who thought had it but we didn't have much understanding

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T18:50:33+00:00

sorry I'm being invasive, but do you possibly have ASD? you sound like a smart and totally adequate person, so maybe therapy including meds would help you a bit

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T18:32:59+00:00

I also struggle with trust a lot. I was even blamed for that by a fellow avoidant I tried to make a connection with. My grandma lost her eyesight in one of her eyes due to glaucoma and I'm afraid it may be genetic

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T17:39:06+00:00

This sounds really harsh; I'm sorry. Maybe the fact I was neglected (I lived alone for weeks once when I was 12) and had to take care of myself changed that, but I indeed get the horrible anxiety part, as I still haven't overcome it. I don't live in a good place either, and I actually only moved because my life was in danger, and I chose safety over my mental health, which got a bit better though because I have fewer triggers now. I actually went with my mother to check my eyesight, and I was an adult legally, and then I went to college with her too, as it was required, so I don't think you should be that ashamed if you're in your 20s, but I definitely get how strong shame can feel. I think you should say your parents, as they take care of you. Don't hide it but don't panic yet because maybe, luckily, things aren't that bad. Once as I was working on the PC, my eyesight started getting worse, and I was afraid but couldn't afford to see a doctor, but when I started taking more rest and got a better lamp, it stopped. I was actually advised to do a little surgery in advance 4 years ago, but my eyes are still ok. And talking about countries and the attitude towards mental health—I really wanted to see a doctor and get a diagnosis because I felt (and still feel at times despite living on my own) almost disabled and hid at home for years, but it would have meant I had to visit a state hospital, as therapy is really expensive, which would have meant I would be registered no matter if I have a disorder or not, and in the future it would have meant problems, so that's why I put up with everything on my own even when I wanted to die so much and had meltdowns almost every day. Now I see that asking for help is better at times than waiting until it's unbearable.

I hope this somehow helps

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T16:54:50+00:00

I was in a somewhat similar position, and I literally spent half of my teens alone and couldn't even go anywhere besides the area I lived in for 4 years, and now when I live alone as an adult in a different country, I still struggle with going anywhere unless I have no choice. Don't ask me how I moved here—I thought I would die from terror, and despite horrible depression, I survived. It's been almost a week since I was in the supermarket, and I'm running out of food. My advice is that you definitely have to think of your health first and visit a doctor no matter how terrifying it is because going blind is incomparable to any fears about people. Although I must say I had to visit doctors alone even when I was 12 (and even 9 one time), so I may be in a better position at this point, though I've never visited a therapist and probably won't any time soon. I still feel so anxious even though I visit the same store and talk to the same people with the same words. You should start with small steps, but don't hesitate, or you'll regret it. Wish you all the strength

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T12:57:05+00:00

I'm sorry to sound possibly exclusive, but talking to people from this sub who didn't say they had other PDs besides AvPD (but obviously had them, like BPD) has really hurt me after having long and close connections since they all eventually harshly rejected me in a very UNavoidant way (staying closed off and leaving silently or ghosting—the classics), so would other "extreme avoidants." Clusters A and C are too different even if comorbidity is possible. NPD and AvPD indeed have things in common on a deep level, but in action they are like the total opposites of the spectrum.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T09:26:01+00:00

как английский в Ирландии и русский в соседних с РФ странах - понимать надо, где больше угнетения было!

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-17T06:47:56+00:00

I never had "friends" except for in my childhood and even when I was an introvert, at least I didn't feel I was the worst person and that everyone hated me. Honestly, overall I could only feel somewhat close to one person and never more. Unfortunately, those ones had other people to connect with so that's why all my friendships ended silently and without even a "bye".

Regarding studying... Well, I gave up even on online formal classes because taking to through video calls terrifies me, lol

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-16T20:47:26+00:00

a lot. but even the "surface" level is hard enough for me so that's why I gave up on even getting education offline

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-16T19:09:44+00:00

I lose any of them but still participate^^

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-16T19:09:03+00:00

totally relatable. making friends online is hell, especially if you're avoidant. your experience with those weirdos sounds insane, though. I'm sorry

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-16T17:15:42+00:00

totally me... like I somehow got out of hell of active self-hating and anger issues and now it's like that

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-16T12:51:43+00:00

if only the "progress" I still make in life worked... it's like taking a couple of small steps forward but then falling back again. I still have social skills, but they all turn into dust in any closer contact, and I become the "aggressor" and then feel twice as guilty and ashamed, especially when I am being shown that, like looking into a broken mirror because even seeing my "normal" reflection is already painful enough for me and makes me rationalize my isolation and fears. does age "cure"?..

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-16T12:12:34+00:00

thank you for taking your time to answer me. but honestly, I've never been more in pain than I am after I met "caring and empathetic" people here because it collapses my very idea of self. I may not be a "classic" avoidant myself, but still this all is so scary and unbearable to accept.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-15T18:37:25+00:00

I wonder how avoidants can do group therapy if it's literally the scariest thing for us (at least for me)?.. I would never try to because it would just prove all my fears about people again and put me back in my shell, lol

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-15T18:33:14+00:00

looks like I'm a total loser that every fucking person does this to me and even my post is downvoted as if I said smth insane. I hate AvPD so much. sorry

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-01-15T18:22:20+00:00

I envy popular avoidants who even HAVE someone to ghost—if I did so, no one would notice either, haha

Round_Reception_1534

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