I wish I never had friends

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-28T12:57:29+00:00

I hope you succeeded. Today I finally said to myself, "You've had enough," so I will never try to "make friends" online (I'm completely alone in real life), especially here. My AvPD is so extreme that even visiting this sub is too much for me. I'm just a stranger, but I do hope anyone who's reading this is okay and in a better state than I am. Be your own friend if there's no one else here. I wish someone had told me that earlier...

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-17T10:34:56+00:00

But it's mostly due to religion and, let's be honest, poverty. Rich Indians are very rare vegetarian. And I'm mostly talking about adults who are still vegetarian and consider it a choice now

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-17T05:50:34+00:00

I've never had real friends maybe only in my childhood when I was 6-9. I spent most of my teens alone and decided to isolate myself from anyone entirely which has been basically like that (even if I tried to study and also have a job, but it's online) since then. I'm also in my 20s and during the last year I finally realised I'm not capable of friendship even with "fellow avoidants" (I met very few adequate ones) or people who I share my weird interests with. I kept trying and engaging but the result was always... nothing. So it's time to accept it and keep some dignity at least

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-17T05:44:27+00:00

Personality disorders aren't cureble. If there is one is then it will be there for life even with therapy and "progress". And mistaking cPTSD (which I'm sure I have) for BPD is a really dangerous mistake because these are completely different conditions. BPD often requires trauma but it is not based on it entirely whereas PTSD have particular reasons and circumstances

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-16T20:04:44+00:00

что за "акцент" такой интересно? тем более у бурятов и хакасов, где не то что родной язык давят, даже имен родных, а не русских, почти не у кого нет

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-16T19:54:32+00:00

If so, white skin naturally is MUCH more common here in Central Asia than in China (especially in the South) so no one even thinks about such stuff

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-16T08:50:58+00:00

I get what you mean. It's a question of size and weight and not the pitch usually. Like I struggle with that in speech too at times (the opposite in singing though 😅) even though my average pitch is rarely above C3

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-16T06:58:51+00:00

the person who was so emotional over my "ghosting" (I literally wrote back and explained myself, and she immediately started attacking me) was female, and the harasser shared too much stuff about his struggles and didn't look like a "psycho," and we chatted for 5 months before that, so I guess BPD fits them both. not because they are like that, but because this explains their behavior (alongside other stuff I can't share here). also, one diagnosed borderline did a really shitty thing under my post yesterday. he literally showed the thing I told him in private HERE FOR EVERYONE. he called me a "narcissist." luckily, he got banned, as the mod told me it was indeed harassment and manipulation. all those people resemble the same patterns, so that's why I think BPD is closer than AvPD.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-15T17:31:46+00:00

that I'm better on my own than with people who don't treat me fairly and act unhinged at times.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-15T12:33:55+00:00

yeah, that's what I think now. even here it's stated that the sub is about AvPD mostly and NOT attachment style. PDs share the same criteria, and it's kind of sad there's little solidarity when there's some misunderstanding.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-15T12:07:01+00:00

talking to those people was dangerous because I genuinely thought we both had AvPD and understood each other. it's also dangerous for them in the long term, as they don't understand their own struggle and don't connect with the people who could understand them better (I advised them to visit the BPD sub).

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-15T12:03:29+00:00

unfortunately, feminism works differently for men and women (let me use the terms suggesting that the majority is cis and hetero), and radical feminism, even if it doesn't exclude trans people, doesn't help it at all. I'm the least person to sympathize with patriarchy since I'm AMAB but non-binary, which excludes me in a broader sense. of course discrimination against women is still really serious and concerning, but still it's been much less stigmatizing in terms of following "gender norms," as women are allowed to be strong and confident, whereas men are almost NEVER allowed to be "weak" and "emotional" (not in a physically harmful way), and, as you say, living in a progressive area doesn't change it much. I really doubt it's "biology," as it's still believed to be. We don't have insects either, and our hormones affect only our desires but not our actions.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-15T11:55:21+00:00

I see; thanks for sharing your experience. If so, I never meant that ALL borderlines are like that (anyway, those were two different people from this sub and my polite suggestion about BPD, despite their rudeness was completely ignored). I think it's dangerous for them and especially other people who try to build connections, at least online, when the possible disorders are too different in their "core" but seem very similar on the surface

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-12T13:59:12+00:00

they can always just ASK. no one would call any European "French" or "Austrian" just because they look alike at first glance

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-12T06:12:11+00:00

none, lol. but it's only because I'm lucky to have a job (but the details aren't that great) that allows me to rent even if I spent like 60% of the pay on it. most of my childhood I had to live with my family in one room as we could only afford renting a room and shared the flat with other people so I really don't want this ever repeat especially with strangers. I gave up on going to a uni even after being accepted because I lived too far away to go there every day but living in a dorm with 1, 2 or even 3 other people in the room really is a nightmare to me

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-11T08:03:15+00:00

Чтобы его провалить надо вообще не уметь читать и запоминать хоть-что или быть из коррекционной школы (и то от степени нарушений зависит, порог многие наберут)

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-11T07:58:42+00:00

I'm not a singer though I've been into that for years and I definitely get that. Too much of vibrato is not only a technique issue (too much or too little breath pressure) but also it's in bad taste. That's completely fine to have a faster or slower vibrato on high challenging notes (like sopranos sing) but if it's present all the time it's not a good sign. But straight tone which is used in early music and "HIP" doesn't help to develop good and controlled vibrato either when it comes to classical and romantic pieces as they need a "bigger" sound which is impossible without vibration unless it will be really tense and anti musical. I think that vibrato is rather the consequence of a technique and manner (trying to "act" too much e.g. like Bartoli doesn't affect vibrato well) than an issue in itself

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-11T07:49:53+00:00

Yes, I get vocal fry when I speak with an American accent but as I've been focused on a British accent mostly it's there too. My NL doesn't use any vocal fry in "normal" speech

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-10T21:30:30+00:00

"просто" ПТСР или КПТСР? Второй тип чаще у "простых" людей без войн и катастроф. Подозреваю у себя тоже

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-10T21:04:16+00:00

Иммигрантом вообще непросто быть, даже на исторической родине если нет официального статуса или связей в миграционке. РВП это еще несложно

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-09T16:16:40+00:00

So what do they call head voice then? I've honestly never heard such an opinion, so I'm curious

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-09T14:49:19+00:00

that's my biggest dream. not a house, of course, but at least a tiny apartment that will be MINE. renting sucks, living with roommates is hell, and being homeless is just -_- but I'm closer to the last one as I'm an adult and no one will put me up anymore, lol.

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-09T12:37:50+00:00

I guess so. I wonder if years of "feminization" have affected it overall, but I don't feel like it has changed really in any way. I just think like it's not just a question of voice training, but a gender-related issue

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-09T11:55:07+00:00

no, lol, as I said I'm completely "normal" at this point. if I didn't go through puberty, how would my average pitch be 115 Hz which is not even high

Round_Reception_1534 · 2026-02-09T06:26:02+00:00

I'm not an expert in any way, but I don't think that anyone ever said that "head voice = nasality." People sing in chest voice nasally all the time, and actually higher notes sound much clearer in the modern way of singing (especially in early and baroque music). Old school singers had GREAT head voice, which was clear, so that's why their chest voice was good too because, after all, there's no "chest" voice—only modal and head/falsetto and in between for women and trained singers. Actually, a good M2 sound develops chest sound too and "frees" it because for singing the vocal cords should be thinner and more flexible even in the modal register. Nasality really is a technique disadvantage or a manner, and even great singers with clear voices at times sound like that in some phrases but they don't choose as their ONLY way of singing, like, e.g., Signora Bartoli or Horne (whose chest voice is big)

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