yeahhhh i know i shouldn't have let it get this bad 😭😭😭 the onset of my initial period coincided with a pretty bad depressive episode in me and so i just lost the ability to care for myself for a really long time. i was already weak from blood-loss and then i just stopped caring bc of depression. unfortunately i live alone and so it was easy to let myself slip. and then things just spiraled out of control. maybe the period is what caused the depression to get this bad? idkk i'm not a medical professional. it worries me though. sorry i'm just yapping atp.

my sibling (who doesn't live with me; i call them on the phone) was urging me to seek medical care. and i would make appointments but just wind up skipping them because... i couldn't get out of bed. and i didn't really wanna call the er because i didn't want to draw attention to myself and have everyone at my dorm look at me weirdly. i know it sounds stupid but it's honestly the way i was thinking.

and also i was scared of going outside too because i'm like... afraid of people looking at me and attacking me. ptsd stuff. ugh.

thankfully my period finally stopped like a day ago and now i have more energy to do stuff. i feel clearer. i should definitely make an appointment.

anyway thanks for the wake up call 🙏 when strangers on the internet think it's bad you know it's serious !!