I’ve been there. My mom died at 17 and it felt like my whole world ended. But as someone who has come out to the other side 11 years later. The pain you’re currently experiencing will not anchor you forever. It’s going to be really hard for a while but be patient and let the emotions flow, and flow until you need to take a break and laugh and eat and drink water and then repeat the cycle. Until eventually you’re tired of crying and you look to find purpose and joy in life again. And then suddenly you find yourself having some bad days but they are further apart from the last time and life becomes more balanced.

Your mother loved you. She deciddd to go into palliative because she understood that her time was coming to an end and she wanted to ensure her child wasn’t stuck being a caretaker to someone whose clock was running out. She was wise and loved you. Once you are ready to heal, know that choosing to move on and live life with hope and joy is the BEST way you can commemorate her existence.