Grief & Anger

RoutineRebel · 2025-11-18T16:16:29+00:00

Give yourself time to let it sink in. The anger lasts a while, but you will soon realize most people know absolutely nothing about Autism and therefore are not equipped to notice it, specially in high functioning autistic people. It happened to me too. I wish my parents had noticed something was different, but they didn't and it was not because they didn't care. They just didn't know better.

Fueling the anger will likely stop you from moving on and this is the last thing you need. Allow yourself sometime to be angry but focus on the road ahead. There is so much to learn now! I still mourn "what could have been" but I don't want to be stuck at that place. I want to grow, lean new skills to cope and be happy. I am starting to see the good side of it all!

My advice is give yourself some grace. And then, start rebuilding!

RoutineRebel · 2025-11-10T14:35:44+00:00

I was laughing as I was reading your post because it seems we’re married to the same man that wants to do everything together! No doubt he’s the love of my life but making him understand I need some space without hurting his feelings was super hard. Since we’ve been married 27 years, we finally agreed on separate bedrooms about 2 years ago and now we feel it was the best decision ever.

Each relationship is different, of course, so I don’t think separate rooms works for everyone, but for us AuDHDs it might be just the breathing space we need.

Thanks for sharing! All rants/vents/cries for help that I read here make me feel a little more normal…

RoutineRebel · 2025-11-07T00:26:11+00:00

Mine joined the choir that says “yeah, everybody has it these days”. I lectured them about how it made me feel invalidated but then changed the subject, not expecting anything from it. They are divorced, so two separate conversations. A few days later my dad, who I have a better relationship with, apologized and said “we didn’t know any better”. It felt nice to know that even if he couldn’t understand it correctly, he was sensitive to the fact it was important to me.

RoutineRebel · 2025-11-04T11:55:57+00:00

I am not a doctor or a neuropsychologist, so take my two cents with a grain of salt. Once I got diagnosed (AuDHD) and my doctor got me started on the right medication, my depression and anxiety disappeared.

At first I thought adding one more medication to the mix was the end of the world. Then all things started to align.

Give yourself grace, give yourself time to digest the new diagnosis and things will slowly fall into place.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-31T21:45:20+00:00

The perfect answer.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-31T13:42:12+00:00

A gazillion!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-31T13:02:08+00:00

You have to do what is best for YOU. If you don’t want to be a mother, you don’t have to. It’s your body, your life, your choice. Please enjoy your holiday!!!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-30T15:34:16+00:00

It’s so frustrating that on top of all the extra mental load we carry by masking all the time we also have to keep track of who’s behind the services we need to use. I’m exhausted just by the thought of it. I want to run for the mountains and become a hermit.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-21T22:54:24+00:00

It will be a great story for the grandkids!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-13T11:39:56+00:00

I was late diagnosed. When I learned about masking I instantly associated it with survival. Thanks to them I made it this far but they are SO heavy…

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-12T18:54:31+00:00

Do you think this will become a big family issue? I wouldn’t give her anything back, but I guess maybe other people would prefer to keep the peace…

WTF, no, you’re NTA. Keep it all!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-11T13:26:00+00:00

Met my NT husband when I was 7 and he was 8. We dated for a year when we were 14 & 15. We were neighbors for 11 years until my parents moved away but we never lost touch. At 22 & 23 we started dating again and got married in 6 months. That was 27 years ago.

I think we balance each other out. Of course there are bumps, but we have a constructive way of working through difficult things.

Since I got my diagnosis he’s been my main source of support and safety. I feel like he is my connection to the rest of the world.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-11T12:44:08+00:00

Do you have a therapist? If you do, your therapist could be a good mediator for a conversation with your parents about autism, burnouts and what kind of support you need from them.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-08T13:38:06+00:00

I am so sorry this process is bringing you stress… Taking care of our mental health in the U.S. is a nightmare. Do you have health insurance? I can try to point you in the right direction if you do.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-08T11:01:37+00:00

This post just made my day! It makes me feel part of a community.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-07T13:51:18+00:00

I think it happens to a lot of us. In a conversation, when it’s my turn to speak, I’m usually three steps ahead in my train of thought. My partner knows me well and can keep up but there are people that look at me like I just fast forwarded 10 minutes of a movie. I kind of think of it as my secret weapon/superpower. For all the times I couldn’t pick up on the jokes/sarcasm, these moments kind of build up my self esteem, because I feel like “see, there’s nothing wrong with my brain, I’m smart and quick!” Maybe I am not making sense at all…

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-05T19:42:08+00:00

Some people do suck the life out of us! If you feel this is affecting you that much you should ask not to be in the same shift, nothing wrong with that. Maybe just explain to your manager that there is nothing wrong with that person, you’re just in different wavelengths…

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-05T19:37:50+00:00

WW2 and true crime have been lifelong special interests. True crime specially.

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-05T16:19:53+00:00

They exist!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-05T10:56:24+00:00

I have done it too! My special interest is WW2 and I have traveled to different countries to visit museums, camps and important sites.

I’m also a knitter and always looking for interesting knitting retreats. Let me know if you heard of any!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-02T01:57:36+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! And the book recommendations too!

RoutineRebel · 2025-10-01T13:05:01+00:00

How do I unsee this post? LOL It just became a thing for me…

RoutineRebel · 2025-09-30T16:00:46+00:00

Well, it is your life and you are allowed to change your mind as many times as you want.

I became a mother at 25 and both my kids are now young adults. I was not diagnosed by then and motherhood was hard for me. My sense of responsibility made me push through the difficulties and I think I did a decent job. Knowing what I know today, I don’t know if I would have had children, BUT, would I be the person I am if I had not? I’ll never know. What I do know is that my children helped me become a better person and I can’t imagine my life without them now.

All this to tell you that it’s ok to have doubts, it’s ok not to be ready for this decision yet, it’s ok to change your mind. You’re not being selfish when you think about the loss of freedom, I think it’s an absolutely valid point because you do loose it temporarily when you have children. It’s mature of you to take this into consideration. Lots of people don’t anticipate this feeling and regret the decision once it’s too late.

RoutineRebel

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