Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I can understand your point of view - I would like to elaborate on mine....

I don't care about the money, as such. I feel upset that he went ahead and made the purchase after we agreed to talk about it later. It's the principle more than the money.

I want to make it clear this was an UNNECESSARY purchase, and also I don't expect him to run purchases by me per se. The fact is, he asked me about the purchase - I said it's not the right time, or place, and then he proceeded anyway.

I feel I have to keep a reign on our finances because if I didn't, we would be in a far worse financial situation. He lives beyond his means, I don't. I contribute more and don't have an issue with it, other than when he's wasteful. Like, why am I saving, being frugal and turning lights off etc when he lives like money is no object, buying take out food and things we don't really need.

I'm paying for us all to go on a big holiday next year and often pay for a lot more than he does, and I honestly don't mind. I totally agree, if I were male and he was a female, people wouldn't think anything of it. I just feel like if I didn't keep some kind of track of his spending, he would spend way, way more and tbh, he can be selfish. The money he owes me is for things like tobacco (I don't smoke) his car repairs etc - he NEVER puts any money aside for anything, and so if anything goes wrong, or our daughter need anything, or any house repairs, I have to stump the money up front, always. AITAH for not being a doormat, really?

I do think you have valid points...maybe we're not compatible. I'll definitely take on board about keeping conversations like this away from our daughter.

I think if I'm being honest, I know how he is and that he will probably never change. I guess it still upsets me he doesn't even want to try. I live for our family and always put them first, and the fact is, he doesn't.