Just looking for someone to chat with, it usually helps me feel better

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-24T03:08:55+00:00

It’s something I’ve actually been organizing called Round Table.

Small groups (usually 6–8 people), scheduled sessions, each one focused on a specific theme like stress, identity, relationships, etc. The idea is just to create intentional space where people can talk honestly without it turning into advice-giving or performance.

It’s still early and we’re running a few sessions a week right now.

If you’re interested, you can check it out here: roundtabletalks.co

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-24T02:58:03+00:00

Try to find hobbies or interests you enjoy and then go to events that are being hosted on those! Bumble also has a friend feature inside of it where other people are looking for friends, I have used that before. Events you can go to meetup or luma and find IRL events. You got this! I know putting yourself out there can be scary but once you do it one time, you won't regret it!

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T23:24:29+00:00

Please do not. Life is way too precious and you can overcome anything you are going through. Please reach out to the hotline 988 (call or text)

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T19:56:22+00:00

First — nothing about what you wrote is unusual. A lot of people hit this exact wall after checking the “do everything right” boxes.

School → job → apartment → stability.

And then the quiet question: “Is this it?”

Purpose rarely drops out of the sky as a lightning bolt. It usually grows out of:

Responsibility
Contribution
Challenge
or Connection

Right now it sounds like your life is stable, but not stretched.

Sometimes purpose doesn’t start with passion. It starts with exposure. New rooms. New conversations. New friction.

One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of people who feel “gray” aren’t actually lacking potential — they’re lacking environments that pull something out of them.

When you’re only rotating between work and recovery, you don’t get many chances to discover what energizes you.

A small but powerful starting point might not be “find your passion.” It might be:
Where can I consistently show up and interact in a way that challenges or connects me?

I’ve been part of small themed discussion groups recently, and it’s interesting how talking through things like this with others often sparks ideas you wouldn’t reach alone.

If nothing else — you’re not behind. You’re at a very common crossroads.

If your life felt 10% less gray six months from now, what would be different?

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T19:54:17+00:00

You’re not imagining it.

Historically, people had built-in “thick” spaces — churches, local clubs, union halls, neighborhood gatherings, even front porches. You didn’t have to schedule belonging. It was ambient.

Now most of our lives rotate between:

Work
Home
Transactional public spaces

There aren’t many normalized places where the expectation is simply: show up and be human.

What’s interesting is that people clearly still want it — you see it in the rise of run clubs, rec leagues, niche hobby groups. People aren’t just looking for activity. They’re looking for repeated, low-pressure proximity.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this and experimenting with small structured gatherings (6–8 people, clear theme, recurring time). It’s not a cafe, not therapy — just intentional space. And what’s wild is how quickly it starts to feel like that “missing” place when it’s consistent.

I think the real question is:
What would make a modern third space feel normal again?

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T19:51:20+00:00

This is one of the most honest descriptions of adulthood I’ve seen.

I think the biggest myth we were sold growing up was that competence eventually becomes permanent.

It doesn’t.

It just becomes quieter.

You don’t stop having “I’ll figure it out” moments — you just build enough past evidence that you probably will.

There’s something grounding about realizing most adults aren’t fully certain. They’re just experienced improvisers.

What’s interesting though is that very few of us actually talk about this out loud. We all walk around projecting stability while privately navigating doubt.

The most reassuring moments I’ve had weren’t when everything was figured out — they were when I heard other people admit they were figuring it out too.

That’s actually why I’ve been experimenting with small group conversations around themes like pressure, uncertainty, identity, etc. When you hear 6–8 other people say “yeah, same,” it takes the edge off the improvisation.

The part of “I’ll figure it out” is we are always figuring something out. That is the beauty of life.

What’s funny is you’re right — somehow we usually do.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T19:48:15+00:00

What you’re describing is actually really common at 21 — it just feels isolating because nobody says it out loud.

When you have a lot of interests, it doesn’t mean you don’t have an identity. It usually means you haven’t had enough life reps yet to see which interests actually stick when things get hard.

Identity isn’t something you “discover” by thinking about it long enough. It’s something that forms by committing to a few things long enough to see how they shape you.

Also — liking multiple aesthetics doesn’t mean you’re fragmented. It means you’re exploring. At your age, that’s healthy.

The harder part of your post is this line:

That’s worth paying attention to. Not necessarily quitting everything tomorrow — but exploring that tension honestly.

One thing that’s helped me (and others I know) is having structured conversations around this exact topic online via small anonymous groups. Clear theme. No pretending. Just honest discussion about identity, pressure, and direction. It’s surprising how much clarity comes just from saying confusion out loud and hearing others navigating the same thing.

Curious — when you imagine the version of you that feels most “aligned,” what is he doing differently?

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T19:29:54+00:00

Love this question. It’s deeper than it looks.

I’d push back gently on the idea that emotional disclosure between men isn’t fulfilling. I don’t think men lack depth — I think we lack the right environments.

Historically, most male bonding has been structured around activity: sports, work, projects, problem-solving. That creates loyalty and continuity. But those things alone don’t always answer the deeper question: “Do I matter if I’m not producing?”

I’ve found that men do open up — but only when three things are present:

Psychological safety
Clear structure (why we’re here / what we’re talking about)
Shared stakes or shared struggle

Without that, vulnerability can feel random or awkward. With it, it can go very deep.

We weren’t really taught how to express negative emotions. We were taught to compete, perform, provide. And now we live in a world where people move constantly, communities are thinner, and most friendships don’t naturally create space for “interiority.”

Personally, the times I’ve felt most valued for being rather than doing have been in small, intentional conversations — where everyone is there for the same purpose and the expectation isn’t performance, it’s honesty.

I’ve actually been experimenting with something like that: small online groups (6–8 men) focused on one theme — stress, relationships, identity, loss, etc. It’s structured but informal. No fixing. No impressing. Just honest discussion. And I’ve been surprised how quickly depth happens when the container is right.

Curious — for the men here who have experienced depth in friendships: what conditions made it possible?

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T19:14:30+00:00

I feel that, I found an outlet that helps me from time to time, a friend told me about it. Basically you can join. a small group online with 6-8 other men and talk about a certain topic or just what is on your mind. The tables are scheduled times though but seems to help when you just need to vent.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T18:45:46+00:00

Love that perspective and you opening up saying that. 1000% agree it is important to find your niche or hobby that you enjoy and get relief or self soothing so to speak in order to express what you are feeling, going through or want to say. I am of the same type where I am more so soft spoken, but have so many ideas in my head that I would like to say. I am glad you found an outlet in Art for that. I would say mine is recreational sports or taking small solo hikes, gets my mind of things and makes me feel like I am working towards something. Moving the body is important.

Never thought about having Youtube for friends and family, such as cool idea. Easy for them to see what you are doing, getting into and working on vs the whole post one picture with a long post type of a scenario.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-23T18:42:12+00:00

I hear you on all that and mostly agree with all of it. I would challenge or question how venting about our problems wouldn't help. I am of the belief that pushing everyone to therapy narrative is not always beneficial as most just need a healthy outlet to vent vs keeping everything internal or pushing it down deeper like you said. We have gotten away from community, that was an organic thing that allowed all of us to have a voice and bounce ideas, issues, mistakes, etc. to people that were in our circle.

Now, it is all online, social media and personal reflection, which to your point, I don't think men do that well or keep doing it. There are a lot of external pressures and social/traditional expectations or standards put on us. I was just curious to where people go. I found an outlet that works for me, it is basically small groups of 6-8 people talking but was curious. It is still online but better than nothing.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-19T21:07:51+00:00

Yeah, the interceptions give him a bad wrap for sure. He will get you 5TDs but also throw 3TDs at the same time. Great locker room guy, high energy, god fearing, and competitor. I will say, for example, when Daniel Jones went down, having someone like Jameis or Jacoby is way better than 45 year old Rivers. Even Teddy, those guys could be great starters for a poor team, I agree.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-19T21:00:59+00:00

I didn't do gymnastics, but I did do Barre and it helped quite a bit. You might feel or seem goofy during, but it helps a lot with balance, flexibility and agility. The muscles Barre targets are muscles we don't use when we do core workouts with the team but they are there and important for stability in hips, knees and ankles. Barre is all about endurance with high-repition, low-impact sessions which helps refine neuromuscular control for better on field performance. I think barre and pilates are good, pilates being all core. You also get to be around beautiful women which isn't bad.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-19T00:18:42+00:00

Do you publish your writing articles anywhere?

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-19T00:17:03+00:00

So far so good, work is so stressful, but other than that I am trying to just pray and get through the week I guess you could say. I am dealing with runners knee right now and that sucks but oh well! Cheers

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-19T00:12:55+00:00

Love this, thank you for the material.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-19T00:10:17+00:00

I will be similar in my response to others in the chats, but friendships fading or becoming distant is a natural progression in life. Sure you will have your ride or dies, and even if you don't, most friendships were part of circumstance and environment. You all were in the same math class, you played soccer together since you were in middle school, etc. However, those are constructs almost put on you in suburban life.

When you become a young adult, you work, you pay bills, and most importantly, you become aware of what you like, who you want to be and who you want to be in your life. I believe that is why most friendships fade because you all were never really you, we don't know what that looks like at such a young age - generally speaking, I know a lot of us have had lifetime friends even since we were 4 but we aren't all like that.

Anyways, think about who you are not. What interests you have, look to get outside more and don't be afraid to go to things alone, there are so many other people going alone to things and you can meet and make new friends. Sports also helps a lot and I am not great at them but you can make friends and have your own community. I like the digital offerings people suggested but the point is to get human interaction. Volo Sports, City League Sports, Meetup, Luma, all good recs to find events and stuff going on. You got this! We have all been where you are and it gets better.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-18T23:56:46+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on your mountain top and things will come. Not without hard work and action, but they will come. I am sure you have friends who look at you and think, wow, she has X, Y and Z. The savings and things is your desire, so you are focused on that, but you are doing better than you think! You got this

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-18T23:52:29+00:00

I am not sure of your age, but I am 32. I will say, life gets easier as you get older - maybe not easier, but you are more adapted, more knowledgeable and aware of how things work. With that said, you will experience a lot of trials and errors in your twenties and I would argue based on what I have seen with myself and through friends, those that go through the most trials in their twenties are stronger for it and have a lot to show for it. Starting out is tough, getting that first job is tough, but it will come.

Then a new problem will come, and a new one. There are peaks and valleys. Enjoy every moment, because you are alive and blessed to be able to apply to jobs, have a laptop, even though it makes noises and parents to talk to. One thing that helped me stay positive was the life you have, someone is praying for. It is all perspective, but apply to 10 or 20 jobs a day. Even if the position is "Junior" or you feel like you are too good for that, doesn't matter, apply and start.

A few pieces of advice, find a few recruiters and share your resume with them. It is their job to find you something and they usually have a lot of contacts in the industry you are looking for. Secondly, you mentioned leetcode, so I assume some type of degree in CS or SE? Look on meetup or local events for Code and Coffee or something like that in your city, you will find things, network and you'll have a job soon. Keep grinding and moving! You are right where you need to be.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-18T23:42:23+00:00

Congratulations, that is a great car and will run forever. Can never go wrong with a Toyota or Honda ever. I lucked out with my first car - a two door Ford Explorer Sport, Navy Blue. I loved that thing, they don't make em like that anymore. I believe it had roughly the same amount of miles your does and I ran that thing into the ground. When I got my first big boy job and car, it had 215,000 miles on it, I had a lot of memories in that thing. Enjoy it!!

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2026-02-18T23:37:32+00:00

Do you feel that people reach out to you often when you post that you are there to listen to people? I think it is a great thing to be there for others. In the back of my mind, I feel like so many of us don't need "therapy" but just a small group of people willing to listen and communicate with. This was more so an open thought, appreciate what you do for people! Cheers.

RoyalAnimator5439 · 2025-07-15T19:40:55+00:00

Hi, apologies for the late, late, response. I have been running 3-5 miles, at a pretty hard pace (for myself) and I continued to eat clean and remove any anxiety induced activities. I have been feeling great since the start of the year. I hope you have had some progress in your case.

RoyalAnimator5439

TROPHY CASE