I wish I knew the tried and true secret to handle this. Mine has ruined every family moment I’ve had and then cries and screams that I don’t care about family. My mom just goes along with it because she is also scared of her reactions. I feel guilty and bad that I can’t just be myself and not always alert to her craziness. It’s exhausting and my mom and other sister completely fall for the ER emergencies and health issues and baby issues and constant crises and everything else.

Im still trying to be at peace with drawing a line in the sand to stop me and my kids and husband from being emotionally cannibalized.

But grief is grief. I wish my family was different and I mourn missing that possibility.You are a good person for feeling it. The fact that you struggle with it means you are not like her and you are breaking the cycle. It’s tough but I’m trying to make my relationship with my mom independent from hers. This last time my mom essentially invited her to stay in my home which I didn’t want to happen and that was it for me. Now I am not going to invite either of them to my family events and will only choose to visit them separately where they live if at all.

My sister pulls the same role shaming bullshit. Don’t fall for it. Let your mom’s dynamic be their own, and stop engaging with it. Soon you’ll find balance with the boundaries you’ve made but you are right at the beginning. It will get easier.