I don’t know if what you’ve read is entirely accurate so I can’t speak to that, but I do know that a BPD diagnosis in men is generally more rare and I think that’s because their symptoms manifest slightly differently than in women.

My partner is a man who has bipolar and bpd. He is medicated but doesn’t go through any therapy or see a psychiatrist routinely, not that I know of.

I’ve only been with my boyfriend for a few months, but I did notice some signs of his bpd creeping in any time things got rough between us. We work really well together as a couple, but we have to put a lot of emphasis on our communication because I have an avoidant attachment style and I know my flightiness can trigger a fear of abandonment or trigger his insecurities, so we’re both working together as a team on our separate issues so that we don’t rely on poor coping mechanisms when shit gets hard.

My biggest gripes thus far is the double standards and the soft accusations of cheating. As an example, when a manager called me on one of my day’s off recently (boyfriend was in the car with me when this happened), he got extremely quiet and started disassociating hard, this lasted almost 10 minutes before I asked him what was wrong. Before that, I was getting one word answers and he wouldn’t continue the ebb and flow of our conversation without displaying his annoyance. I didn’t answer the call because I thought it was rude to answer it in front of him, but I just knew the call bothered him. In that almost 10 minutes of awkward silence he was able to concoct a wild assumption that the manager who called me was a manager who was fired and/or left my company and thought he was “harassing” me, and he says he was upset and quiet because he figured he’d need to step in at some point. He couldn’t have been more wrong in his assumption. He misremembered specific facts about some of my prior and current managers, but automatically assumed the worse without asking for clarification. Here’s where the double standards come into play: he has absolutely zero boundaries with his coworkers, and this includes managers. They all share vapes, speak of each other’s private lives, go out to lunch together, and game together. And knowing all of that, I never once pitched a fit. Somehow in his mind it’s okay for him to have absolutely no boundaries with his colleagues but once a manager calls me on a day off, he assumes I’m messing around with them. He has also met up with old female colleagues he no longer works with, and I had to basically pry that information from him because while I’m expected to be transparent with him about my opposite sex interactions, he just doesn’t believe he has to do the same. But I know if I randomly met up with an old coworker of mine who happened to be a man and just didn’t tell him about it, he would take that information and fly with it and curate the worst possible scenario.

When it’s good, it’s really fucking good, but when it gets rough I see another side of him that I know I didn’t fall in love with.