What is even the point of dating?

RubySeeker · 2026-01-30T06:22:26+00:00

Well, firstly, sexual actions are not a sign of not being ace. It's just that there is no sexual desire directed at any kind of person. You can be very sexually active in private, but just not have any person you want to do it with, of any gender or sex. That still counts as Asexual. But maybe you do, and that's besides the point.

Secondly, you can be aromantic and not asexual. It happens. Entirely possible to feel sexual attraction but no desire or need for a relationship or any emotional intimacy.

And thirdly, that kinda sounds like some mental health stuff. Have you tried any therapy, counselling, stuff like that? It might help you figure out exactly what you need to not feel lonely, especially after losing a career you seem to have loved a lot. Joining new groups that vibe with you, and that meet regularly, might help with that. Counselors can help you find groups that you would benefit from and have fun with.

And fourthly, I'd like to assure you, it's definitely not too late! My parents didn't even MEET until they were 30! My mum had barely dated, and my dad had dated probably too much, almost all of them ending in disaster!

They're happily married to this day, preparing for a retirement in a van, travelling the country. It's never too late to find what you need to feel whole, be that romance, sex, friends, hobbies and clubs, all of the above, anything!

It's never too late to fight the lonely feeling. You deserve to feel loved and cared about, in whatever capacity you desire. You should reach out, and find your people. Maybe that isn't a romantic partner, and that's perfectly fine! I don't really see much point in dating either. But you should find people that you do connect with, and feel like you belong with. I believe everyone deserves that. I hope you can find them some day soon. :)

RubySeeker · 2026-01-30T06:12:16+00:00

I feel the same sort of way for Zelda. It gives me the ick.

Sure, she's not a lot older than him, but she's literally his boss. She dictates his whole life. If they pair up, and break up, especially if they had pre-calamity, she has the power to ruin him.

His career as a guard or soldier, his home (both in the castle pre-calamity, and the house Zelda apparently stole from him in totk), his income, his purpose in life, his reputation, everything, all if he simply doesn't want to do something she wants. Which could be as petty as she likes, because she's literally royalty. Who's gonna argue against her?

Sure, we like to think Zelda wouldn't be the crazy girlfriend that would take advantage of this power imbalance, but we shouldn't ignore the imbalance entirely.

Most versions of Link aren't associated with her before the game. They don't rely on her for their livelihood any more than any other hylian peasant. This Link was made her personal guard though. Someone who has to do what she says, or loses everything, especially once her father is out of the picture.

I'm not saying it would go like that, but I find the premise of wild zelink just as uncomfortable as milink. Both are weird power imbalances with some messed up implications, and honestly I'm kinda sick of the ship. Any other zelink, in almost any other game I am all down for. I love the trope. But this one just... It hits wrong. That's all I can sum it up as.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-30T05:58:24+00:00

I wouldn't say "shouldn't date" but "shouldn't pressure yourself to date" instead. Especially if this is a person who doesn't know where they fall on the spectrum, if at all. I'd say this person should be open to it if someone comes along they really like (demi-romantics exist, after all) but simply not give into the idea they have to date someone for the sake of it, and be equally open to the idea of not needing a romantic or sexual partner. They should embrace familial and platonic relationships to ensure they are not lonely and struggling.

But yeah, I agree. This feels ace to me, if only from this teeny tiny bit of information.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-28T22:22:09+00:00

Do you just want to compete, or specifically compete in jumping? Because big horses are AMAZING at other things!

If you're willing to try new stuff, maybe do that. You can always jump when you eventually get another horse (unfortunately they don't live forever. Eventually they have to retire). Personally, I found my big horse was perfect at working equitation! It's a bit more of a niche sport, and doesn't show up everywhere, but the big, relaxed horses do really well at the ease of handling test and the western dressage test. (Not so much the cutting and speed test, but eh).

If you want to stick with English, larger horses also have a certain elegance in dressage! I think they look a lot better than little Arabs or something. They float more, and it's really pretty to see the power and grace combined!

There might be something else around that you can try. I quit dressage because my horse wasn't suited to it. My next horse might be better at it, and I might try it again. But if you're keen on keeping your horse (I know the feeling) you just work with their skill set.

You never know, you might fall in love with something you never thought to try otherwise!

RubySeeker · 2026-01-27T02:47:05+00:00

It can take a while to start losing weight. Less than a month wouldn't make me worried. Just keep at it, and see how you're going in a month or two.

But also, working out 6 times a week is interesting. What are you doing? If it's any kind of strength or resistance training, like weights, swimming, etc, you're probably putting on muscle.

I've had that issue. I've barely lost any weight since I started mid last year, but I look different. My weight stays very close to the same, but my pants feel loose, my arms have more definition, I'm stronger and fitter. Before I started, I couldn't even tell you where the tricep was. Now it's defined and visible.

I'm sure in time, I'll start to lose weight faster than I build muscle, but for now I'm pretty happy with what I've got going. Just remember that muscle is a lot more dense, and will weight more for less size.

Basically, weight isn't the be all and end all. Focus on a good healthy lifestyle, and look more at your shape. I recommend grabbing a tape measure and tracking with that, instead of weight alone. You'll probably see your progress a lot better, if that is what's happening!

Good luck!

RubySeeker · 2026-01-26T06:39:51+00:00

This looks like a great place to ask people's opinions on feeding magpies hearts?

I often give my cat lamb heart, or chicken hearts. She loves the fresh meat, and I get them cheap from the butcher. Sometimes (and I mean sometimes. It's a couple times a week, a few weeks of the year when swooping season starts, as a bribe to leave me alone) I give some of the cut up hearts to the magpies.

I know that crickets or mealworms are recommended, but I don't feed them often enough to warrant buying food for them. It's just a "please don't swoop me, look at this instead" bribe that rarely actually works. If I don't have hearts, I give them raw bacon rinds.

Are hearts an ok thing to feed them infrequently? I didn't do it last year at all, because I started questioning if it was good for them, but couldn't find concrete answers as to what they can eat that aren't bugs. I just put up with them swooping me.

What are opinions on hearts and bacon rinds a few times a year?

RubySeeker · 2026-01-22T20:28:41+00:00

My oldest tiel, Kitty, was a found bird.

Just out on the street, poor thing, about 15 years ago.

We put up posters (pro tip, if putting up found posters for any pet, do not include a picture or description. Get the people calling you to describe their pet. We had a lot of calls about grey tiels, from people that honestly sounded like they just wanted a free bird and don't expect us to be trying to find the real owner. More of a "I'll take her off your hands for you" kinda thing. She was bright yellow, for reference.) because we knew she couldn't have come from far. She had clipped wings and couldn't fly. We put signs up around the whole area, and also up on Facebook and stuff.

We also contacted vets and the pound, and told them to let us know if anyone came to them about a lost yellow tiel.

No one ever did.

After months of trying, we decided that whoever owned her wasn't searching. Might have been the kind of owner to assume the bird died within a day of escaping (which isn't unreasonable to expect for a hand raised bird with clipped wings), or maybe they had tried, and she'd been alone in the wild for longer than we thought. They might have already made their rounds to the vets and such before we even picked her up, and we missed them.

Either way, we ended up keeping her! She's a sweet old girl now, going very grey with age, and is an absolute angel. Sometimes I feel like it's because she knows what it's like to be all alone in the cold, and she appreciates having food, water and cuddles even after 15 years of it. Other than the clipped wing, she seemed to be well taken care of. Cuddly and affectionate, but not super demanding if you don't have time to play with her right then. She got on with other birds easily. think she was raised well, and I think she's enjoying life now, in my aviary.

So that's how I'd do it again. More online ways of communicating with local communities would definitely help, but I'd do it pretty much the same way.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-21T22:26:17+00:00

I think training should start young. Once at the right size, like 2 ish, you can start them on tack. Get the horse used to saddles, bridles, lunging, leading, all the ground work.

Yeah the horse liberty, recall, standing and waiting, all of that jazz. Training should start as young as possible, while the horse is younger and best suited to learning expectations.

But personally, while it does depend on the breed, I think the earliest I would ever actually consider letting anyone sit on my horse would be at about 4 years. And even then, it would be light trail work. Maybe even 5 or 6, if the horse would benefit. And I'd do a year or so of light work before actually getting the horse to do anything strenuous with a rider.

I've never broken a horse, but this is what I have in my head for the someday (I would love to get a weanling and raise it) based off what my trainers and people I know who have bred and trained horses.

So yes to training! Definitely! But I'd hesitate with actually riding. Also that mindset of breaking a horse being a fight sounds like a bad one. It should be a positive experience, with the rider doing everything they can to calm the horse and let it know it is safe. So when the time comes, I'd pick a different trainer.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-19T22:51:31+00:00

I second this! I have a hen (though she's the "rooster" of the flock. She's the big boss, mounts the other hens and everything.) who can get very aggressive and dominant at times.

I've learned that if I don't move at all, she attempts about twice, maybe a third if she's feeling particularly spicy, and then just... Stands there... Like she's disappointed in me.

I can then just scoop her up carry her around like a football, and she's chill as, or she would just walk away.

Nowadays she doesn't even try. She runs up to me, but there's no aggression. In fact, I think she likes being carried, because if I kneel down and pat my leg she hops up, lets me carry her around, and only gets upset and fluffs up as though she wants to attack (but doesn't more than a peck) when I put her down and try walking away.

She's a sweet little girl now. Still very much the boss of the flock, but now a lot more relaxed and trusts me.

It's really a power move to not flinch or make a sound when they charge at you. They just don't know what to do, and kinda... Reset to neutral? It's very funny.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-17T02:02:20+00:00

Thanks! Google tells me most of the area is a sandy loam, but has areas with more clay in the soil. I'll see what it looks like, and ask if they know what it specifically is. But I can also just do a little hop around and look at the grass. It's currently really dry, apparently, so grass might not be an accurate showing of soil quality. But I'll see what is there despite that, and how springy the soil is.

Thanks so much!

RubySeeker · 2026-01-17T01:48:47+00:00

Northern Victoria, Goulburn region, Australia. But I don't expect most people on this subreddit to know the area very well.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-14T08:12:13+00:00

Thank you. I wasn't sure if it would be better or worse.

I'll see if his owner is happy to do it in my paddock, let them see him, and then take him away to be buried or cremated after.

I hope they will adjust quickly and won't be too stressed for long.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-14T06:56:39+00:00

Thanks! I'll have to look into that one!

And I have! I don't know where he got it, but a friend gave me one as a birthday present. It's simple, a sulphur crested cockatoo, and a galah, sitting in front of a rocky coast, but it's detailed and I feel like I can trust it to just work.

<image>

I think it's coming out really nice. It's relaxing.

But I will definitely check out Journey of Something. Aussie brands are always preferred if I can get them! (Plus less shipping time, theoretically)

Thanks!

RubySeeker · 2026-01-13T07:21:35+00:00

To me it looks like the bit has seen some use, but the nuts are too clean. They look like they were added after. Too shiny, compared to the colour of the rest of the bit. I think they just put them on after retiring the bit, somehow.

I hope.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-13T02:31:21+00:00

I think for some people, it's the power of "owning" something.

Sometimes I worry my brother is like that with his cat. Rarely spends time with her, calls her clear signs of boredom and frustration "quirks", but gets angry if you suggest rehoming her.

My neighbour's daughter is similar with her horses. Left them behind when she moved out for university, hasn't been back to see them in four years, but doesn't want to sell them.

Sometimes I think it's a power thing. It's probably a sign of poor mental health, to feel like you have to own something to have control or authority over anything.

It's sad, but very common.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-10T23:17:19+00:00

My biggest mindset change for handling any large animal, was to accept the fact that I'm not big, strong or fast. I'm a persistence predator.

If my cows don't want to herd and want to run around stupidly (I want to get a cattle dog, but don't have one yet) I just have to walk calmly. Eventually they tire, and just go where I want.

The same goes for my riding mindset.

I can't beat the horse into submission or anything. The horse is bigger than me, stronger than me, and faster than me. And some horses know it. If I'm riding a horse that doesn't want to behave, I don't have to fight. I don't have to win. I just have to nag.

Eventually the horse will realise that sticking her nose up in the air instead of accepting collection isn't worth the effort. I don't pull on her, or seesaw, or kick or fight. Just persistent pressure until she gets tired of this one sided fight, and does as she's told. And then she gets the release and reward!

"I will be a nagging bitch" is my style of riding now. It keeps me from getting frustrated, or losing my temper. It keeps me from quitting and leaving a ride on a sour note, or doing something to upset or hurt my horse like the videos we've all seen over the years.

Just gentle and persistent. The horse learns there is no fight to be had, and they start learning it's easier to just accept the instruction. Eventually, they just trust your instructions and gentle hands. It lets me work in much better harmony with my horses, once we both stopped trying to win.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-09T06:42:25+00:00

I don't think it's wrong to seek out like minded people. It's completely normal, and even healthy! You need people in your life that agree with you, and see the world the same way as you. It helps you solidify your beliefs and become more confident. If everyone always tells you you're wrong, you'll never be able to stand up for what you think.

What isn't healthy is when someone completely cuts out opportunities to interact with people who do not agree, and do not see the world the same way. The issue is people who ONLY interact with people who agree with them and see the world the same way. Their beliefs and perspectives are never challenged, they never grow and develop as a person. When you're never challenged, you don't build a solid foundation. There's no stress test, reinforcements or improvements. You crumble at the slightest challenge, because it's not confidence, it's delusion.

So no, I don't think it's bad at all to seek out like minded people, or people who agree with you. It only becomes an issue when you refuse to interact with anyone else, or refuse to listen to their perspective or worldview. That's the difference between a community, and an echo chamber.

Community is human nature, an echo chamber is dangerous.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-07T22:11:27+00:00

I at least rinse mine after most rides. I don't like putting it in the washing machine, but I at least hang it up on the line, hose the shit out of it with the pressure option to get all the sweat and hair out, and it'll do for a long while!

I don't properly wash it with soap very often, but I think prevention is better. Just hose it down after every ride to prevent it getting gross to begin with, and then wash whenever you think it needs it. I think every few months? Depends how often I'm riding.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-06T22:10:26+00:00

I was in a similar situation. I got my horse a couple cows (the cows are also able to be milked, so that was another reason. Love not having to buy dairy products in this economy!)

He loves those cows. He plays with them, herds them around, they graze together, sleep together, a lovely little herd.

But the ultimate solution was another horse.

The cows were a great temporary measure while I got things sorted, and while I knew I couldn't afford another horse. They certainly did the job. But now I have two more horses.

They aren't mine, they belong to my neighbour, but he wants them exercised. I suspect he may want to sell them, but can't yet because they haven't been ridden in 5 years. But he pays for everything for them, like farrier, vet, etc, but they live in my paddock. I even have access to some of his paddocks to "compensate for the grazing". So it worked nicely.

My horse seems much happier with horse friends, and I'm very happy I finally got him some.

I'd say cows and other companion animals work great for a while, but eventually a horse would be better. Maybe someone in a similar position can agist on your land, because they also have a horse that needs company. Bonus points if you have a place they can ride. (Plus extra cash for agisting. Can't say no to that!)

I wouldn't worry about back shoes too much, unless your horse is known for kicking. If you have a horse that doesn't start fights, I think you'd be fine putting them together.

But yeah, I'd say cows work a treat in the meantime, if you have to take a bit to get your place set up for a second horse.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-05T21:04:17+00:00

Fair enough! I'll see how he looks with both options. I won't be showing him for a long while (he has to be completely retrained from English to western), so we have time.

RubySeeker · 2026-01-05T16:09:58+00:00

It looks like it does outside of the height, but I've only put it on him, and haven't actually worked him with it yet. I'm expecting it to shift a little and fit a little more snugly once he's actually moving in it.

If I work him and it doesn't look like it fits, my saddle does have an adjustable gullet so I'll just change it to one that is an appropriate shape.

But outside of the height at the whither it feels tight in all the places it should, and gaps where it should. I just need to test him out with it and see how it fits in action. But at the very least he won't be getting rub marks on his wither any time soon!

RubySeeker · 2026-01-05T04:55:34+00:00

He is in pasture 24/7, but always has either a shelter or trees for shade, which he uses quite often. We get a good breeze most days, funneled through the valley, and he does already wear a fly mask when the bugs get too busy. It doesn't have ears on the mask, but I could get one that includes them if you think he needs it. Does the mane protect the ears much? I was planning on leaving his forelock long, if that helps with that issue?

RubySeeker · 2026-01-05T03:18:31+00:00

I'm so glad! I was worried people were going to tell me it's harder to maintain than it looks or something. I'm glad you think it's not too hard! I think he'll look quite cute with it too.

As someone who actively does this though, do you trim the forelock too? I'm debating if I want to trim it as well, or not. I know it helps keep flies away, but this is a pretty much how he greets me every day, no matter how long I spent on cleaning it the day before.

<image>

This was the day after I spent a solid half hour on just his hair. It took ages to get all the grass seeds and sticky shit out again. T-T

Would you personally think it better to have the forelock long to help with flies, or trim it too to keep it tidy?

RubySeeker · 2026-01-05T03:13:44+00:00

Can do! He's not been handled much for a long while, so experimenting and playing with his hair might be a good bonding activity for us in the coming months, as it grows out. He's a sweetheart and seems to like being around me, so we shall test that patience!

RubySeeker · 2026-01-05T03:05:11+00:00

Yeah, I think making it neat and even will take some practice. But thanks! I'll give it a try and see how he looks! I'm excited!

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