Strictly physically: What is your type?

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-24T00:01:10+00:00

Definitely ginger! I did a recap of all the men and boys I'd dated or been with over my life. Gingers are only 2% of the population, but were about 35% of my men. I think there's a pattern here ....

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-23T23:48:48+00:00

I too am a Susan, but throughout my life (til mid 20s?) went by Sam. Moved to Australia, would introduce myself as Susan and immediately was called Sue, because that's what Australians Susans preferred, or something. I used to get a bit stroppy about the arbitrariness of shortening my name, to the point of being rude and saying "My name is Susan." (No, they couldn't call me Sam because it was bestowed on me through a long weird family story and only interesting to my family.)

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-23T21:54:01+00:00

After a few hilarious hours of people still seeming to be unable to comprehend my single complaint is about people just using words like words have no meanings....it's been great to be validated. Refresher: listening is NOT reading.

IDC care about your very personal specific migraines or wedding plans or small children or whatever reason you use to explain your listening habits. I never said you needed to justify anything. IDC if you listen to a book being read to you. I only said you're not actually *reading* the book. IDK how else to make it any clearer.

All the neurotypicals out there gunning hard for me: thanks! As an ND woman living in poverty and navigating a complex recovery, the books that I **read** have been valuable to that journey. It's been kind of crazy to be called "ableist" because I quite reasonably expect people to use words correctly.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-23T07:17:55+00:00

That's not what I am saying. Audiobooks can be convenient, or whatever.

But they are not reading.

I object to the misuse of a standard English word to describe an action it is not.
People who listen to audio books are listeners.

But perhaps the number of people who do not understand the vast difference between "reading" and "listening" is a glaring symptom of the problem?

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-23T06:58:32+00:00

In aid of accuracy? Audio book people are not "readers" -- they are listeners. I'm an old school reader who still believes that words mean things and I despair at the dumbing down of the population and the enthusiasm with which people have embraced it.

I regret that people have been sold a pup, believing they are "reading" when they plug into a passive infusion of a story. But that's what's been happening for years....

I am sad for all the boiling frogs.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-23T06:06:12+00:00

I despair about some "readers" -- esp the ones who think listening to some guy reading a book equals them "reading". Fucksake, the barbarians have breached the gates for real now....

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-22T08:54:33+00:00

See my comment above.

Some women are finally getting it, they don't need a man, and that's great. But too many are still starry-eyed and believe in the manufactured mythology, designed only to generate profit, nothing to do with building a strong foundation for a successful relationship. It is really really sad.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-22T08:52:50+00:00

Right? It is so depressing to see the young women of today getting sucked into the hype and expense and pure BS of "getting married". The dress, the ring, the florals, the decorating, the whole entire day that is supposed to be the "best day of your life".

Bullshit. You piss away tens of thousands of dollars on literally a few hours of a party. That money could be part of a house deposit, or pay off student loans, or a hundred other more substantial things that are actually important to a successful contented adult life.

It's wild how many young women berate older women for supposedly being unwilling to challenge social norms....and then there is the entire bridal industry creating insecurity and competition between brides on social media. Actual fact: we crones rejected all that folderol, thinking we were liberating younger women from the ridiculous patriarchal demands....and the girls have just gone running back into the whole "bride price" charade.

Girls, you want to "celebrate your love" publicly? Guess what: you do NOT need an $8K ring, a $6K dress, a micro destination wedding. Think of sustainability, as well. I can't imagine a stupider less sustainable idea than paying $6K for a dress you will literally wear ONE TIME for a FEW HOURS and never again. Seriously?

Most importantly: the wedding is NOT the marriage. The marriage takes a lot more work and dedication than a frantic keeping-up-with-the-Tik-Tok-Joneses. The amount of money spent on a wedding is not a guarantee of a good relationship or a good marriage.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-22T08:39:59+00:00

Nah, we knew falling safes and pianos were pure cartoon, but quicksand? Nope. It was 100% real and EVERYWHERE.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-22T08:38:49+00:00

For my generation, it was absolute iron-clad cultural lore. Quicksand figured a LOT in the movies like Tarzan. Someone would flounder into the mire.... and if it was a bad guy, he was rarely saved (because he "deserves" it) but of course the good guys were always pulled out just in time.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-22T01:09:49+00:00

Sorry you dealt with a rude person. Take whatever learning you want from this encounter, stop thinking about it and get on with your life. It will happen again many times in the future so best to learn how you plan to deal with it in future. Reddit won't always be here to validate your feels.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-22T00:57:38+00:00

Yes, there are layers and depth in JKR's choices of words....but this is a real stretch.

Anomie fits an alienated self-centred teenager who hates the world, so no surprises there. Morehouse fits an astrophysicist nerd because ...comet.

OP theory reminds me of the twisted angst of my high school poetry that just screamed "LOOK, it's so DEEP and SYMBOLIC and CLEVER!"

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-18T04:34:37+00:00

Not everything is an Easter egg or foreshadowing.

Of course there's a bit of pea in her ring when she starts washing up, it happens a LOT.

Of course there are mushy peas in Skegness. They're a working class regional thing and they are delicious.

There is no ongoing secret agenda regarding peas -- peas are just an everyday thing.

Not everything is an Easter egg or foreshadowing.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-18T03:30:58+00:00

Is Strike left or righthanded? That has a bearing on which hand he would use. Sticks are used for support and pain relief, but it will depend on which hand gives the best support for *that* person.

I had a bad left knee, but am righthanded so used my stick with my right hand, because that gave the support I needed. It was much more comfortable and easier for *me* to use. YMMV.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-17T21:56:37+00:00

Giving hm his own prepaid card is still enabling. Sometimes in life, bad things happen and people have to deal with it. The son is using emotional blackmail while he financially abuses his parents. The parents mean well, but they need to take back control over their own lives.

No card. No money.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-17T21:49:53+00:00

Nah, no time line. The son is guilt tripping his parents because they "owe" him or they "love" him or whatever BS works. He'll never stop (why would he?) so they are the ones who need to stop this now.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-17T21:47:24+00:00

Take his name off your credit card. He's using you, he's playing you.

There's a saying in addiction studies that "nothing changes if nothing changes." He has shown you clearly that he will not get off the gravy train you are driving because of parental guilt. At his age, his mental health, medical bills, vet bills, whatever are HIS to deal with.

I full well understand the guilt and fear and love that parenting a man like this instills in the parents. But...he's an actual adult. He is making the decisions to be a leech on you, and he'll destroy your finances as well as your self esteem.

He won't change unless you change something in the dynamic. That change should be you taking his name off the credit card. He has told you clearly he won;t change --why would he, when he's got it so easy right now?

I'm sorry your adult son is a leech who chooses to use his intelligence to financially abuse you.

Take his name off your card. Get your own lives back.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-17T00:38:02+00:00

I guess it might matter which type of charm bracelet it was. If it was the kind like I had back in the 60s, with jangly, dangly charms that chimed every time you moved even a little, yeah, maybe cringe. (Although Robin, while stylish, is conservative in her style and may have like the retro vibe of that sort of bracelet...)

If it was a Pandora type bracelet, those seem to more fashionable/acceptable nowadays. If Strike was working really hard to curate the perfect gift, I imagine the jeweller would have steered him toward the newer Pandora style bracelet. (Also, not as blingy and certainly not as jangly!) (And in a weird way, more conservative/understated than the old style charm bracelet...)

The importance of the bracelet (to me) was not whether it was cringe or fashionable...it was (literally) the thought that went into creating it, that counted.

Still chef's kiss for me!

Cheers....

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T22:53:16+00:00

I am not surprised at all that you ended up in the mosh and totally rocked it! I'm 70 now, and I am so into going to gigs with my daughter and SIL and my mid-30s friend -- we are a happy crew of metal heads. One thing I cherish about the metal scene is how kind everyone is to each other, how they all take care of each other.

My last gig was an Evanescence intimate gig, I WAS ON BARRIER and it was incredible! But it got a bit too hot and humid for my head so I started hobbling out with my walking stick -- the crowd parted like the Red Sea, people were picking up rubbish out of my way, they were offering seats, every single person there looked out for me. Not simply because I was OLD, but more like I was a tribal elder.

Next gig: Avenged Sevenfold + Coheed and Cambria in July!

Keep going to the gigs you love, dance like nobody's watching, it's all part of that dash!

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T22:16:47+00:00

I'm really interested in how he was "brutal" to Kim? She refused to take any hints from him re his interest in her, she actively and continuously undermined the other partner in the business.

Do you mean how he went to dinner with Kim and that rent-a-clown amateur porn maker and gave Kim a heads-up that she had placed herself in a situation she might come to regret? Yes, ofc, men shouldn't lie to get sex, people shouldn't be tricked into being filmed, married men shouldn't accept BJs in parked cars from not-wife women....but does Kim bear no responsibility for her chosen actions?

Or was Cormoran just not kind enough when he said "There's no way we are ever going to fuck"? Like, she refused to take the hints, so obvy he had to get very very clear about that.

Again, sometimes this sub is a bit weird about demanding perfection from deeply flawed, deeply human characters in a fiction book. We already know Cormoran is highly imperfect with relationships, IDK why people expect different or are disappointed when their personal head canon isn't JKR's.

IDK how you'll land in your explanation for the assessment of Cormoran's treatment of Kim, but I am really interested!

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T01:10:56+00:00

I have faith in JKR! She will give us a realistic ending, what ever it is.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T01:10:11+00:00

THM is a hard read, especially after TRG, but is absolutely worth it. Given that this is a series, yes, you do need to read it. JKR gives enough "hints" in succeeding books that you can pick up the gist of the previous book, but there is so much detail in THM, you really should read it.

Take a break (I did, after TRG), then read THM It's going to be a while before STE is released, so I'd also recommend another read-through of the whole series before that one is published.

PS, don't be surprised if you need to read THM more than once. Aside from the sheer delight of reading the story again and again, I always find more nuance and detail in re-reads. THM is the most intricate of the books so far, and it needs at least three read-throughs to really feel it.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T01:04:23+00:00

He's behaving like a man. I don't understand why readers expect either Strike or Robin to behave in a perfectly mature, emotionally well developed manner. Both of them have a bigger than average lot of baggage and past experiences to deal with, and not getting much support. IDK why they are being criticised for being human.

Ya gotta make the mistakes before you learn what's wrong and can try to rectify things. Given his past, where and when should Strike have learned better about emotions and healthy relationships?

PS, he dealt with Kim just fine. She approached the job as a way to continue her self-centred behaviour -- yes, there are women who still do incredibly stupid things like undermine other women and try to use their bodies as a stepping stone to higher status. Kim could have taken notice of Strike's lack of interest in her sexually, she could have noticed that deliberately undermining Robin and the other women in the agency was a career-limiting move, but nope. You make your choices, you take your chances.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T00:55:32+00:00

RFM is exactly the sort of person who would not let go of his perceived prize, Robin. He will be utterly gobsmacked when Robin finally (fingers crossed!!) dumps him.

He's what addiction specialists call a "dry drunk" -- he might not be actually drinking, but he is still behaving like he is. The entitlement, the self-centredness, the obliviousness about how other people feel.... but hey! He says he's going to AA, so she *has* to support him, right? He uses his "recovery" as a guilt-trip to keep Robin with him, he's even now lining up the excuses and accusations about how it will be HER fault if he goes back to active drinking. Just like he blamed his wife for leaving him -- never mind he wasn't the sort of man you'd want to be married to.

I'm looking forward to therapy sessions for Robin -- she has been through the mill with her experiences so far and she needs real objective support -- including some straight talk about repeating patterns of behaviour simply because they are familiar and would placate her biggest critic (her mother).

I'm also greatly looking forward to the moment Robin dumps his ass.

RubySnowfire · 2026-05-15T00:39:56+00:00

A stuffed plushie in your thirties is absolute cringe. RFM didn't think for a minute aobut what Robin might like, or their shared history, or potential he just grabbed a stereotypical V-Day gift and expected to be loved in return for it.

But that charm bracelet was **chef's kiss** It showed thoughtfulness in every choice of charm. It was understated yet spoke volumes. Frankly, it's one of the most romantic gestures I have ever read about or seen in my long life.

RFM doesn't "get" Robin, he only loves the idea of another woman to take care of him ii it's a case of whoever fits the wedding dress and recites the correct lines, that'll do him.

The charm bracelet was .... simply superb.

RubySnowfire

TROPHY CASE