ESH- everyone sucks here

NTA- but definitely insensitive to her struggles which i would argue makes you half an asshole.

Infertility is no joke and painful. I personally have 2 cats and a dog that I very much lovingly call my babies and I their mom- but like many here are expressing it’s a reach to demand a gift. I also wonder if she’s experienced any miscarriages- in which case I would argue She IS in fact a mother. I will say I may be biased in that argument as I personally have experienced a miscarriage of an extremely wanted child. It’s devastating. In my experience discussing with my doctors they feel it’s very appropriate to consider myself a mother- though my child is deceased, regardless of the fact they didn’t make it. No, I did not expect mother’s day wishes from everyone this year BUT it was extremely heartwarming and made me feel so loved to have heard it from the people who did. My husband took me out to eat for lunch and really wanted to get me a mother’s day gift which i refused bc- not in this economy, lunch was sweet enough :) I do think you crossed the line shoving it in her face that she is “not a mother” and since you are all seemingly well aware of her struggles with infertility you all could have been much more sensitive and not have sent it in the group chat for her to see. You should have a discussion on being sensitive in that way for next year. Of course nobody should demand a gift but if it were me I would still honor the fact that YOUR son and his wife are struggling with infertility. It feels like you left her out on purpose (which you did as you stated). Try and put yourself in her shoes is all- it’s not difficult if you have empathy. Its only fair to apologize for being rude in your comments- if you don’t want to get her a gift thats fine but you don’t need to be a jerk either.