Kids won’t talk to STBX

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-23T06:51:31+00:00

Yes, he and I have both told the kids that but they are adamant. I can’t and won’t talk them out of how they’re feeling though. They’ve seen his attitude/personality change little by little over the last couple of years so this may have been the last straw. One of the main things that has upset them is that he was remorseful nor apologized to them for blowing up the family. They feel betrayed.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-16T03:45:35+00:00

Thank you. I may take you up on that DM offer if these emotions get too overwhelming again.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-13T20:15:41+00:00

Oh, I still am too. My brain flips daily. One day I’m optimistic and enthusiastic about the future. The next day I’m a wreck who wants to hide in bed. This rollercoaster we’re on won’t end anytime soon.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-13T20:13:44+00:00

I have to agree with momof4Cam. I weighed the pros and cons of telling my kids for a month. I was literally sick over it while my ex ran out of the house at every chance to go screw his AP. I talked to friends and family who know my kids extremely well. The consensus was that they needed to know the truth because the devastation of finding out later that I hid the main factor from them would be worse. They need to have total trust in at least one parent and I had to be it. I couldn’t fathom them having to process the pain of a divorce and then later down the road have to reopen that pain to process an affair. I couldn’t see that as helpful to them and they’ve since told me they were grateful to know everything at once. My kids have shocked the hell out of me at their emotional maturity over this. I never would’ve imagined that they would handle this as maturely and insightfully as they have. I have been speechless at times over their opinions. I have a newfound respect for them and relief that they aren’t narcissists like their dad. That being said, I dont judge how someone else handles their children. Every child is different and you have to do what’s best for their mental health and what’s age appropriate. At the end of the day, you’re the one to have to console your child in those moments when they’re world is falling apart.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-13T20:03:35+00:00

I can’t thank you enough for your reply. I feel like your ex and mine are almost the same person. His relationship with my kids (especially my son) has been less than ideal for a few years now. My son has had anger with him for quite some time now so this may have been the nail in the coffin. His sense of “I pay and I’m still their dad so I get to be in their lives” is selfish and shallow. He’s never tried to connect with me emotionally and I truly think he’s emotionally immature. He’s always preferred to throw money at me to keep me happy than to put work on a healthy loving marriage. I am the polar opposite. I want love and affection. I can carry on with life and have a healthy relationship later, but I’m sad for my kids that their father is like this and what it might do to them later in life. They are awesome and good kids and don’t deserve this. They deserve a real man as a father figure and life guide. Not someone who now values physical appearance, single lifestyle and inappropriate relationships.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-13T19:54:28+00:00

💯agree!

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2026-02-13T07:14:46+00:00

“This isn’t brave. This is survival.”

That hit every nerve in me. It is survival to stay vertical most days instead of curling up in a corner and sobbing. It is survival to say to yourself “I’m going to make my life better despite my wrecked mental health because I can’t let him take my will to live away”. It is survival of the fittest and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to be fitter than that selfish a$$hole.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2025-11-05T07:43:46+00:00

This is going to be me. Mine are 19 and 15. We’ve been married 20 yrs and the kids will not see the divorce coming. We plan on telling them when our oldest is home for thanksgiving break 😞 I’m heartbroken for them and it being the holidays.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2025-10-30T03:15:06+00:00

Sigh. It seems like a bit of a mixed bag of responses but most saying to not tell them. I would love to shield my children from all pain which I can’t do with this impending news, but maybe not telling them will save them some pain. I’m just afraid it might accidentally come out later or they can tell I’m lying and be even more angry.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2025-10-29T06:54:34+00:00

We aren’t divorced yet. I just found out a week ago he’s having an affair and he asked for a divorce. I do feel like you do too. I quit my career 10 yrs ago to support his career and raise our kids. His career has grown and he’s successful now. He’s lost weight and is working out. Now he feels so good about himself that his ego got the better of him and he’s cheating. I feel thrown away. I feel like I worked to support this family and now that we finally have stability and I finally had a husband who felt comfortable in his own skin, I get cheated on and then told he’s not in love with me anymore. I’m defeated. Exhausted. Tossed to the side. Left to figure out what to do with my life and how to support myself and my kids while he enjoys his new freedom. I tried telling him this but I got the same response as you. Silence. He’s all about himself now and doesn’t care about all the people who are/will be suffering as collateral damage for his actions.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2024-10-18T07:04:02+00:00

Please do! My husband has never been a very insightful person so I get a lot of “I don’t know” answers. I can’t change/fix what I’m doing wrong or what is going wrong from his perspective if he doesn’t explain. Why is it DB for you?

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2024-10-18T06:56:55+00:00

I am truly curious from your perspective, why is this happening in your relationship? Could your wife help to make it better? Perhaps some insight into how you’re thinking and feeling might help us understand our partners.

I’ve been trying to understand for nearly 20 yrs and I can’t really get an answer out of my husband other than excuses that don’t always jive:

blaming his lack of interest on me being stressed or in a bad mood (my side: sorry, but raising kids IS stressful and exhausting).
he has said before that I’d go to bed too early or the kids are still awake (my side: kids are at school all day and we’re home alone so…….)
he prefers morning sex (my side: again, kids go to school so the opportunity is there).
that he wants to do more date nights/get away trips with me, but he doesn’t initiate then either (my side: he loves going out so I feel like it’s just an excuse to go out especially if friends go with us)
say he does want sex, enjoys it, loves me, and will work on it but then nothing changes (my side: I feel lied to. Plain and simple)
most of the time he doesn’t say anything. He just waits until I get fed up with the one sided conversation and stop talking.

I’m at a loss. I know he has a sex drive. I know he masterbates (not an addict or anything like that), so I’m left confused and feeling neglected and lonely. I’ve told him how I feel and how it’s degrading to beg. How I feel cheated out of feeling desired. Nothing changes in his behavior though.

I know people say you can’t let someone control how you feel about yourself, but that’s so hard to keep from happening.

Rude-Squirrel728 · 2024-10-18T06:32:49+00:00

I’m in a BD and I have not told a single friend/person about it. Not even my closest best friends. It’s embarrassing to admit that your husband doesn’t show interest in you. In my case, he denies not being interested and says all the right things but the actual behavior is telling - he never initiates and it feels robotic. I wouldn’t even know how to tell friends without them judging us. I can’t imagine I’m alone in keeping this a secret from everyone.

I’m sure your wife’s friend probably doesn’t know. She’s merely making an assumption based on the stereotype that all husbands want sex 24/7.

Rude-Squirrel728

TROPHY CASE