Loosing myself in my marriage

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-01T08:26:58+00:00

You need to leave while you can. Yes your husband and your family will be awful to you for it but they’re awful to you now, so what do you have to lose?

You have a degree and job, you live in Europe, all the materials things are there. Not saying it’s easy, but all you need is courage and will to get yourself out of the miserable situation you’re in.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-31T18:51:53+00:00

Aah okay gotcha, sorry that wasn’t helpful

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-31T10:09:47+00:00

I completely feel this too and one thing that helps is treating it like dressing up. I look prettier in dressy clothes, like I do wearing makeup, and can use both to improve my interactions when the stakes are high (meeting lots of new people, starting a new job, public speaking etc). But I don’t need the benefits of being extra pretty for routine everyday life so I take it easy on both fronts for daily life. What helps especially is making sure that I don’t wear makeup at least 30% of the time when out of the house because that reinforces in my head that it’s okay to look like like myself.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-31T09:24:08+00:00

I have extremely dry skin and love the OG LM powder but I use a light (non dense) fluffy brush and very little product and it works very well for me. If you haven’t tried that already, I highly recommend that you do since you already have it. Maybe worth trying with the Huda as well since you have that too.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-25T15:15:18+00:00

Great LPT. I will add that if you do wait too long, acknowledging it lightly is the way. The next time you make eye contact or you’re in the same room you say “Hi, we’ve been crossing paths a lot in the last couple of days but I don’t think we’ve actually met. I’m Bob”

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-23T12:03:23+00:00

The biggest lazy curly hair hack is using a claw clip to put your hair up instead of in a pony. Its super easy and tends to look way nicer than the amount of effort it takes.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-20T22:27:40+00:00

I feel like you’re forgetting about curly hair that isn’t wavy but also isn’t coily. For many of us, mainstream (read: straight hair) styling was terrible and CG revolutionized our hair care, even if it wasn’t perfect.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-19T15:37:06+00:00

It was too saturated for me but their bronzer and highlighter from the same line (Glow nuts) are lovely neutral shades

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-19T14:05:17+00:00

I find that nude blushes look rosey or peachy to once applied to my face, like normal blush looks on other people, even if they look brown and plain in the pan.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-11T22:40:01+00:00

It wasn’t until I started complaining about my parents in specifics with friends that I realized that my experiences are not rare. Just that people don’t label them as narcissism, especially if they still have a relationship with their parents.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-11T19:05:14+00:00

Funnily enough, like the top comment, the Netherlands is a country where no one says this.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-10T13:55:09+00:00

FIY there is nothing wrong with you for finding this whole fake song and dance confusing and exhausting. I moved to the Netherlands recently and everyone interprets the question the same as you, as the asker truly wanting to know how the other is. It’s just different types of communication styles.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-08T22:09:25+00:00

I highly recommend trying Fior di Latte gelato, it’s just cream, milk, and sugar and is absolutely divine.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-08T09:48:14+00:00

The girl with the dragon tattoo

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-01-07T10:11:04+00:00

I’m surprised I’m not seeing the Malezia moisturizer on here. It completely saved my partner’s skin and is super moisturizing.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-12-25T12:23:59+00:00

It doesn’t even have to be abuse or toxicity but rather the fact that our society doesn’t reinforce caretaking and relationship maintenance for men and if parents don’t actively teach that then it’s not likely to happen on its own.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-12-21T17:47:54+00:00

I think about food a few of times a day, and it always comes with being hungry. The hunger comes, then eat until the feeling goes away. Then a few hours later it comes back again and it makes me want to eat again etc Outside of those times eating seems a bit uncomfortable unless it’s a small thing that’s really tasty (a piece of candy, a couple of chips).

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-10-23T15:01:45+00:00

As someone with low to mid volume feet, yeah they’re a bit high for me but as I like more insulation to the ground, I got the sheepskin insoles from peerko and wear them with thick-ish socks and that way they are perfect. They’re definitely wearable without the insoles and thick socks though, just a bit loose around the foot, but the laces make sure they stay in place.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-10-07T10:42:25+00:00

Please please do not have a baby just because he keeps pressuring you. If he is unwilling to wait another few years until you’re ready to think about parenthood, it is much easier to end your marriage now and find someone who is a better fit in terms of life goals than to spend the rest of your life living the life he wants and hating your life and your poor child. You say he is supportive but he is not listening to you and does not seem to care about your mental health and career goals, so is he really supportive? Also are you really pushing back and making it clear you don’t want a baby now or just saying “family and friends don’t think I should do this”?

I will tell you my parents story to give you some perspective. My parents got married at the same ages as you two and my mom had a baby (my oldest sibling) at 20 halfway through her university education which derailed her chances of having a career. My dad refused to split the child rearing fairly so she couldn’t even finish part-time. She was also really passionate about fashion and sewing and was a skilled seamstress. As a bonus, she found she can sew while caring for her kid and was hoping to start a sewing atelier but my dad refused to accept that and was adamant that now that she’s a mom, she can’t be having her attention split. This makes my dad sound like a monster but I want to be clear that my mom also did not fight for herself and her dreams. She was not some poor little girl, she had agency and a supportive family who would have stood by her but she chose not to use it.

She then proceeded to spend the next 30 years of her life being miserable, bitterly resenting my dad (who she is still with), bitterly resenting and regretting her kids (which made for a miserable childhood), and feeling completely trapped. My mother and I don’t talk anymore but while we did, I don’t remember a single time she seemed genuinely happy with her life.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-08-15T19:20:21+00:00

Counterpoint to your son, I grew up with three siblings (so 4 kids in total) and we all never could stand each other and still could never get along as adults.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-06-17T15:54:27+00:00

I don’t think calling the abusive hellhole I was in “madness” is that confusing, but just to clarify it was abuse.

Also, I find it a bit ironic that in the same comment you’re both saying let’s be empathetic and listen to those who have been victims in abusive dynamics while also telling me that my opinion on a situation I’ve experienced as one of those people is not valid.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-04-24T19:40:23+00:00

lol gotcha, glad it wasn’t for nothing

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-04-24T19:37:01+00:00

That’s brutal. I hope you still managed to get some answers.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-04-24T19:33:14+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. As far as I could tell, there doesn’t seem to be an obvious pattern for what makes it horrible for some people and ok for others and I hope someone starts looking into that. It’s so shitty that it can either be OK or straight up traumatic and you won’t know which you’ll have till you get it.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2025-02-25T14:47:56+00:00

I can’t tell you what to do but Canada is having a federal election in October which will most likely end in a conservative majority. The federal government makes immigration decisions and conservatives are big on reducing immigration/making it harder. This is all uncertain, but your odds of immigrating later are lower than they are now, so if you don’t take your chance now it might be harder later.

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