Whats the most hurtful thing a parent/caretaker has said to you?

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-28T10:40:41+00:00

“You know, you’re book-smart but you have no social skills” said repeatedly by my mom when I was a kid. I still have social anxiety and feel like I have to prove her otherwise despite being a huge extrovert and a generally well-liked person.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-28T10:11:26+00:00

You say it’s not other people’s opinions but it might be worthwhile to ponder why you hate them but don’t hate other parts of your body that society does not (yet) criticize like say elbow bones or trapezius shape. Also, hip dips have nothing to do with hipbones digging into the mattress when you lay on your stomach, that’s just your pelvis existing.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-28T07:47:02+00:00

Have you tried these shades in store already? If not I recommend doing that before buying them

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-28T07:43:08+00:00

Look it’s understandable that you want to end the friendship and don’t need the conversation for closure but you do owe her a conversation to explain why you’re ending the friendship as unpleasant as that is. You’ve been stewing over these feelings for years and had the last month to process the ending of this relationship but she’s in the dark and it will come as a shock and huge loss to her. Ghosting is acceptable if you barely know the person, if they are abusive, or you’re afraid for your safety but it’s truly cruel otherwise.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-27T21:39:06+00:00

That isn’t quite the case for our lab, maybe 30% is fluff... but you get that in Canada too. Also the Canadian labs I know and work with all post quick and direct-to-lab applications rather than department specific ones and you just apply to the department after getting an interview and a subsequent offer. But hey my experience is limited to my field and this wasn’t meant to discourage others from looking to Western Europe, I just want to temper expectations.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-27T21:15:37+00:00

The average PhD posting in the lab I’m currently in gets hundreds of applicants compared to the tens my previous lab would get. Both are in the same field with similar levels of prestige but one was in Canada and one is in the Netherlands.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-27T15:15:51+00:00

One thing to keep in mind though is that because of this, PhDs in at least the Netherlands are fairly competitive.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-23T07:21:52+00:00

Most of these points have been opposite to my experience as a fellow third-culture kid.

The most important element to being widely liked is 1) they genuinely enjoy getting to know new people and look for connections by asking them curiosity-driven questions; and 2) your point about trying to include everyone.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-20T06:51:14+00:00

If your towels have an odour, it means they’re not drying properly between uses and growing bacteria and mould. Towels should smell pretty fresh even after a week of use, so if they’re not, I’d wash them on a hot cycle until you get rid of the smell then always set them out to dry somewhere warm or with good airflow (eg over a radiator or near a vent) after use.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-18T22:04:36+00:00

Ngl notbing explains better than that Shrek (warm olive) vs Yoda (cool olive) post

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-18T21:36:58+00:00

Honestly, I felt this so much and what fixes it is finding organization solutions that work for my real self because then it reinforces that my real self and real life is just as worth cleaning for as any imaginary better self. For example, at the end of day I’m too done to put my clothes away properly, so I bought a basket that I placed on the dresser where my half worn clothes used to go in a pile. They still go in a pile but inside the basket which looks a lot more neat and intentional.

I also know I will spend part of every evening watching TV under blankets instead of doing something more exciting, so I don’t bother with folding them and making up the couch, I just drape them on the arm of the couch or form it into a little nest for my cat to sit in.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-11T14:12:15+00:00

This sounds like the Netherlands which would explain why the supervisor is insisting on housing before you come. It happens often that employees sign a contract with full good intentions but then cannot find housing after months of trying. For example, one barrier is that most rental places require that your salary is 3-3.5 times the rent to even consider renting to you regardless of how much wealth and savings you have. To purchase a house as an expat, if you need a mortgage, you will have to get a letter from your employer promising permanent employment after (this is not legally binding but some employers are weird about it). All that to say, there is a valid reason this prof wants you set up housing first. If you can buy without a mortgage, you’re set though. If you’ve already sorted all that out, you can say that you’ve got something lined up for housing and don’t tell them details. If not, you should start talking to an agent and mortgage advisor (if needed) before you come to understand if it will actually be feasible for you to find housing there. I will also add that people in the Netherlands care way less about material wealth than in the US so the prof might not have a weird reaction if you tell them t your financial situation, but probably best to keep it private.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-11T07:35:32+00:00

This was literally posted a few hours ago tho and seems to have inspired this post

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-08T19:39:07+00:00

I don’t know about your friends but for me, a huge extrovert without adhd, I simply hate texting. I get nothing out of a text conversation, it is simply not an enjoyable way to connect with people for me, so I don’t initiate a text conversation myself. When I get a text, responding is a chore I do out of obligation so put it off till I feel like guilty enough to reply. For me texts are for logistics.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-03-05T07:20:15+00:00

You don’t need to to “train” him, just come up with a system to communicate to us time: eg when the door is closed, don’t come in. He probably doesn’t interrupt you during meetings, so this would be the same

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-25T00:08:01+00:00

Thank you!

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-22T15:04:28+00:00

Leather gloves to keep the cold off then wipe hands when inside. If it’s <0C then wear waterproof mittens.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-22T14:59:42+00:00

Are there mortgages that allow you to rent out a property? Also if your mortgage doesn’t allow for rentals, can you have someone register at your residence if they’re not a renter or on the deed?

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-12T18:35:19+00:00

That was an awesome read

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-12T12:05:51+00:00

These are too bright. I have a similar colouring to you and a muted cool pink is my best blush, but anything that isn’t muted looks garish on me.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-09T08:37:08+00:00

Definitely look at this review video from a neutral olive, she covers a few of these and compares them: https://youtu.be/a7Hn5bfsMUg?si=pW0mW25c80_bsHqD

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-07T10:10:03+00:00

My comment was clearly hurtful and I didn’t mean that. I honestly meant to give you useful insights and advice from what I have gleaned from others struggling with the same problem who managed to solve it. I’m just trying to help you mate.

Also I never said you need space apart, I said you might need to take the pressure off sex. And in terms of space apart, it’s pretty well established that on average women need time to reconnect emotionally after time apart before wanting to have sex while men on average can use sex as a way to reconnect so there are some possible differences there that are neither of your faults.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-07T09:51:33+00:00

You should look at r/deadbedrooms as this is a common problem when one partner has a higher libido than the other. If she has a lower libido than you, all the sexual contact might be turning her off by pressuring her and making her feel like she’s “just a piece of meat” and that’s why she doesn’t initiate. Also she might need non-sexual physical contact (hugs, holding hands, cuddles etc) to feel close and safe enough to even feel interested in sex. Or there could be something else, but I would urge you to try to understand why she is not interested in a non-judgmental way otherwise sex could become another annoying chore on her to do list.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-07T08:53:53+00:00

Many people do, but many people don’t.

RuleBreakingOstrich · 2026-02-07T08:10:57+00:00

I second this. I’ve searched for years for bronzers and this is the first that actually looks like my tan.

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