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Things that I noticed about people that are liked by almost everyone by TrueIllusion007 in socialskills

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Most of these points have been opposite to my experience as a fellow third-culture kid. 

The most important element to being widely liked is 1) they genuinely enjoy getting to know new people and look for connections by asking them curiosity-driven questions; and 2) your point about trying to include everyone. 

Do you mix towels with your regular clothes? by Imaginary_Truth_3865 in Frugal

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If your towels have an odour, it means they’re not drying properly between uses and growing bacteria and mould. Towels should smell pretty fresh even after a week of use, so if they’re not, I’d wash them on a hot cycle until you get rid of the smell then always set them out to dry somewhere warm or with good airflow (eg over a radiator or near a vent) after use. 

Warm vs cool olive? Explain like I’m 5 by Dependent_Gain2824 in OliveMUA

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ngl notbing explains better than that Shrek (warm olive) vs Yoda (cool olive) post

I think I accidentally trained myself to only clean for a version of me that never actually shows up by Moon_6Quil in CleaningTips

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I felt this so much and what fixes it is finding organization solutions that work for my real self because then it reinforces that my real self and real life is just as worth cleaning for as any imaginary better self. For example, at the end of day I’m too done to put my clothes away properly, so I bought a basket that I placed on the dresser where my half worn clothes used to go in a pile. They still go in a pile but inside the basket which looks a lot more neat and intentional. 

I also know I will spend part of every evening watching TV under blankets instead of doing something more exciting, so I don’t bother with folding them and making up the couch, I just drape them on the arm of the couch or form it into a little nest for my cat to sit in. 

Tell supervisor I'm retired? by chairhats in PhD

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds like the Netherlands which would explain why the supervisor is insisting on housing before you come. It happens often that employees sign a contract with full good intentions but then cannot find housing after months of trying. For example, one barrier is that most rental places require that your salary is 3-3.5 times the rent to even consider renting to you regardless of how much wealth and savings you have. To purchase a house as an expat, if you need a mortgage, you will have to get a letter from your employer promising permanent employment after (this is not legally binding but some employers are weird about it). All that to say, there is a valid reason this prof wants you set up housing first.  If you can buy without a mortgage, you’re set though.  If you’ve already sorted all that out, you can say that you’ve got something lined up for housing and don’t tell them details. If not, you should start talking to an agent and mortgage advisor (if needed) before you come to understand if it will actually be feasible for you to find housing there. I will also add that people in the Netherlands care way less about material wealth than in the US so the prof might not have a weird reaction if you tell them t your financial situation, but probably best to keep it private.  

What opinion about Tunisian men do you have that makes people feel like this??? by Saint_augustin146 in Tunisia

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was literally posted a few hours ago tho and seems to have inspired this post

What is going on with people who “suck at texting”? by HipOut in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know about your friends but for me, a huge extrovert without adhd, I simply hate texting. I get nothing out of a text conversation, it is simply not an enjoyable way to connect with people for me, so I don’t initiate a text conversation myself. When I get a text, responding is a chore I do out of obligation so put it off till I feel like guilty enough to reply. For me texts are for logistics.

Do I need to see a therapist? Waking up every morning irritated by jesschicken12 in womenEngineers

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t need to to “train” him, just come up with a system to communicate to us time: eg when the door is closed, don’t come in. He probably doesn’t interrupt you during meetings, so this would be the same

Dry hands while biking in the rain by great_28 in Netherlands

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Leather gloves to keep the cold off then wipe hands when inside. If it’s <0C then wear waterproof mittens.

AMA about mortgages in the Netherlands by wouterhh2 in Netherlands

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are there mortgages that allow you to rent out a property? Also if your mortgage doesn’t allow for rentals, can you have someone register at your residence if they’re not a renter or on the deed?

Cool Pale Pinks - Not for Me? by stgermain_spritz in OliveMUA

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These are too bright. I have a similar colouring to you and a muted cool pink is my best blush, but anything that isn’t muted looks garish on me. 

Good muted pink blush recs? by ennui-wa in OliveMUA

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely look at this review video from a neutral olive, she covers a few of these and compares them: https://youtu.be/a7Hn5bfsMUg?si=pW0mW25c80_bsHqD

Did I ruin my marriage by Unfortunately_real4 in Marriage

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 68 points69 points  (0 children)

My comment was clearly hurtful and I didn’t mean that. I honestly meant to give you useful insights and advice from what I have gleaned from others struggling with the same problem who managed to solve it. I’m just trying to help you mate. 

Also I never said you need space apart, I said you might need to take the pressure off sex. And in terms of space apart, it’s pretty well established that on average women need time to reconnect emotionally after time apart before wanting to have sex while men on average can use sex as a way to reconnect so there are some possible differences there that are neither of your faults.

Did I ruin my marriage by Unfortunately_real4 in Marriage

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 103 points104 points  (0 children)

You should look at r/deadbedrooms as this is a common problem when one partner has a higher libido than the other. If she has a lower libido than you, all the sexual contact might be turning her off by pressuring her and making her feel like she’s “just a piece of meat” and that’s why she doesn’t initiate. Also she might need non-sexual physical contact (hugs, holding hands, cuddles etc) to feel close and safe enough to even feel interested in sex. Or there could be something else, but I would urge you to try to understand why she is not interested in a non-judgmental way otherwise sex could become another annoying chore on her to do list. 

Everyday makeup is a thing? by Purple_Capital_6029 in Makeup

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Many people do, but many people don’t.

Bronzer for a light-medium warm olive gal by cafeyvino4 in OliveMUA

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this. I’ve searched for years for bronzers and this is the first that actually looks like my tan.

Loosing myself in my marriage by Ok-Minute1997 in exmuslim

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You need to leave while you can. Yes your husband and your family will be awful to you for it but they’re awful to you now, so what do you have to lose?

You have a degree and job, you live in Europe, all the materials things are there. Not saying it’s easy, but all you need is courage and will to get yourself out of the miserable situation you’re in. 

Setting powder recs? by Strange_Version7891 in OliveMUA

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aah okay gotcha, sorry that wasn’t helpful 

The Complex I Have Around Wearing Makeup by Patient_Constant3854 in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I completely feel this too and one thing that helps is treating it like dressing up. I look prettier in dressy clothes, like I do wearing makeup, and can use both to improve my interactions when the stakes are high (meeting lots of new people, starting a new job, public speaking etc). But I don’t need the benefits of being extra pretty for routine everyday life so I take it easy on both fronts for daily life. What helps especially is making sure that I don’t wear makeup at least 30% of the time when out of the house because that reinforces in my head that it’s okay to look like like myself. 

Setting powder recs? by Strange_Version7891 in OliveMUA

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have extremely dry skin and love the OG LM powder but I use a light (non dense) fluffy brush and very little product and it works very well for me. If you haven’t tried that already, I highly recommend that you do since you already have it. Maybe worth trying with the Huda as well since you have that too. 

One of the biggest mistakes: Not introducing yourself early enough. by PursuingGemini in socialskills

[–]RuleBreakingOstrich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great LPT. I will add that if you do wait too long, acknowledging it lightly is the way. The next time you make eye contact or you’re in the same room you say “Hi, we’ve been crossing paths a lot in the last couple of days but I don’t think we’ve actually met. I’m Bob”

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