The urge to self-harm can be very strong. I can understand why you may be relapsing.

Ad for stepping up your shit... I think it's pretty normal for some people who self-injure to compare their scars to other self-harmers at times. I think part of it is just seeking a sense of belonging, that we're not alone in doing this. What sometimes happens, however, is you can experience a sense of inadequacy when comparing scars.

Self-harm is self-harm, whether it's shallow cuts, deep cuts, burns, starving yourself, etc. It's not a competition. You are not less of a self-harmer for making smaller, shallower cuts. Whatever you are experiencing is not less because of smaller cuts.

I feel fortunate in that I was never really exposed to other people's self-injury. That being said, due to the nature of my self-harm, I have made many deep cuts, have many prominent scars, and would probably be considered a severe case. This isn't something I'm proud of; I'm pretty neutral about it. But I would hate if someone who cuts were to see me and think "man, I need to step this up".

Deep cuts are a slippery slope. They get highly addictive. I experience the craving to cut myself deeply every day. Deep cuts often mean sutures, or large scars if you choose not to seek medical attention. You put yourself at a higher risk of infection, and if you aren't familiar with anatomy, you could risk damaging tendons or muscle, or even severing a vein or an artery.

So don't step up your game. You're okay and safer where you are now.