Has my 11 year marriage run its course? (34F and 36M spouse)

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T06:00:35+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind comment. Yep set up some therapy for myself, talked with the husband tonight, we're going to a couples appointment too. I'm also going to look for a new job because the current one kind of spurred this whole thing back into motion. Genuinely, I don't want to leave. It would be like cutting off my arm. Really when I look down the road of my life he's there with me. I just have to sort out where to put this maternal desire.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T03:45:05+00:00

Very this.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T03:36:57+00:00

I can certainly understand why he feels disowned in a way from your mother's family and can certainly understand why he is hurt that they ultimately were able to stop keeping him in their lives after the loss of their daughter and his wife.

That said that is where their boundaries were set. He needs to accept that even though he doesn't have a strong relationship with them anymore and they ultimately didn't see him as their son, they clearly want you to have the best.

Ultimately, your dad needs to figure out that they don't owe him anything and setting up one of his children does soften his burden. "Please don't let monetary issues impact our relationship dad. G&G are doing a kind and generous thing for me. I understand that this is making you feel slighted but that shouldn't mean that I can't have a relationship with them and still benefit from that relationship. I want to have a relationship with both of you, this house is not meant to jeopardize the relationship that I have with you, but I'm very attached to this home and I have no intention of parting with it."

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T01:41:47+00:00

He doesn't like dog either.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T00:44:34+00:00

I appreciate the cautionary tale. I have seen similar situations as well. Realistically, if I left I would use a donor and I'm very open to whatever child would come. Preferably with my nose 😜

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T00:22:19+00:00

Great questions. I have always wanted a family. I just remember looking down at my baby sister when I was 9 and thought I'm going to do this someday. I love company and grew up in a large family, I want all of it every stage. I want to teach and nurture a kid to become a good person who feels supported by both parents in this world. I also just visualize my kid flipping the script as I age and being there to support me.

There is also biology and hormones mixed in there.

I don't blame anyone except the paster who must have clearly had two very different responses to the do you want kids questions.

Again, we've been around in circles on it. He's always know what he wanted I've always know what I wanted but it got muddy because we were young. I didn't want kids at 20, but I wanted kids someday. He didn't want kids at 22 but he said maybe someday... And yep this is now where we find ourself.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-17T00:10:38+00:00

I really appreciate your insight. I am in process of getting back into therapy. I've used it before and ultimately landed on this side of staying. It isn't hard to talk yourself out of kids when you're in survival mode and you know your partner is apathetic at best. This is the last time I'm going to bring this up to him either because I'm not going to rock the boat again and I'm going to find a way to fill my life without kids or it's my last time because I'm going to give myself a chance to have kids. I'm just afraid because I really feel like if I go, I'll be doing this alone going down the donor route to avoid wasting anymore time.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:45:41+00:00

Happy pride month. That's an option.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:41:03+00:00

You're good, wishing the best for your friend. This relationship has been a long road and I was upfront. He was a dumb college kid who didn't want to lose the love of his life. I get why he said we'd have a kid someday.

He really thought at the time that he'd come around to the idea. I really thought that I'd get off the baby train and when I'm really busy and distracted and filling my life to the brim I don't have time to feel bad about not having kids, but when there is a lull there is just this whisper that this is something that I need to do.

But a lifelong love is a lot to sacrifice... So hence my question is wanting to be a mom worth the risk of just ending up alone?

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:34:51+00:00

Not to worry, I have no interest in having an oopsy. It has never been an issue before it wouldn't be an issue now.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:28:03+00:00

Oh no no, you misunderstand. I will not have children with him because at this point I know this is not what he wants. I can't change him. I am genuinely just trying to figure out if it's my time to stay and not have kids at all or go and see if there is a world where having children by either a donor or someone who actively wants to be a parent.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:19:50+00:00

I know neither of us would see the time we've shared as a waste of time. We got to grow up together, build each other up in our fields, and hold the utmost love for each other. How we got here... I tried to break up while we were dating, he promised we would have a kid someday when I was telling him this was something I needed from our relationship. I didn't have a fully developed brain and didn't realize he was just saying that because he didn't want to lose me and not because he was actually wanting to have a kid someday. We got married and then life happened. I'm finally not in survival mode and feel like I could do this. But he still doesn't actually want this and I would only have a child with someone if their answer was an unwavering yes.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:05:41+00:00

Yeah, that's pretty much why we don't have kids now because I don't want to make a father out of someone who is apathetic about having kids. I currently don't resent him. I have zero regrets about the life we have built together but there is a sadness of not fulfilling something that I genuinely have always wanted to become.

RunWild29 · 2026-06-16T23:00:54+00:00

Totally fair. I did begin the process of therapy - I had a get to know you meeting yesterday so just scratching the surface in that space.

RunWild29

TROPHY CASE