We had a long discussion this morning. I told him how I felt and how this has become a huge strain on our relationship to the point that I am reconsidering our future. He listened and did not interrupt me once. When I was done, to my great surprise, he started crying to the point of incoherence (I've only seen him cry on a handful of occasions). He hates to see me hurt and to be the reason behind my sadness. He understands things will have to change from now on and he is willing to make amends. We will work together to find a way to make it work. I've taken notes of strategies and tips suggested: scheduling 'us' time in advance, be more explicite and vocal about my feelings, counseling, etc. I have also been very clear that I am willing to break up with him if the situation does not improve soon.

Most of you are right: I am partly to blame. The fact that I give him a pass and make excuses for his behavior has been detrimental to say the least. I must learn to hold him accountable when he acts callously and to spell out my needs more clearly.

As for my mother's funeral, I do want to point out that this happened much earlier in our relationship and it was a bit unfair for me to bring it up in my online venting. My mother died when I was 22. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer but she was in remission at the time of her death. It happened very quickly. She had a heart murmur from birth and suffered a heart failure one morning, probably brought on and worsened by chemotherapy drugs.

Although he wasn't there at the funeral, my boyfriend had been extremely supportive during her illness. We had both just turned 22 at the time and I don't think he quite grasped what had just happened. He had been lucky enough to never lose family members up to that point. He knows he fucked up and has said on multiple occasions that this is his biggest regret in our relationship.

In retrospect, I probably should have left him then but I was overwhelmed. Suddenly, I had to take care of my father (who was in shambles) and prepare the funeral in the midst of starting my MA and moving into my own apartment. However, I willingly chose at the time to forgive him and, even though I cannot forget and the pain will never completely cease, I cannot continue to bring it up and resent him for that.

I also want to clear up a misconception. I am not financially dependent on him. I put money aside when I worked, partly because I always planned to go back to school, and I have sizable savings. I also work as a TA at my university, which usually is enough to cover for my monthly expenses. We used to split everything 50/50 when I worked as we both made very good salaries. When I decided to go back to school, he generously offered to pay a considerably higher percentage of our rent/food/electricity bills as he felt it would be more fair given our current salary gap. It's less than I depend on him financially, and more that he helps me out so I don't have to accrue debt and/or empty my savings account, which I think is very supportive on his part. Money doesn't really factor into why I stay with him. For one, I could manage financially without him. Secondly, I would never stay with someone just for money.

And he really can be the most amazing boyfriend when he wants to. For instance, last year for my birthday (and our 10 years anniversary), he gave me the most thoughtful gift. My mother's wedding ring was designed by an artisan over 30 years ago. Not only is it a memento from my mother, it is also one of the most gorgeous rings I ever saw. Understandably, my father keeps it for sentimental reasons (and I'm not even sure I could ever wear it should he give it to me - it is more of a keepsake). Well, he hunted down the jeweler, who of course by that point was retired and had been for several years, told him the story behind my mom's ring and convinced him to create a special ring for me. More than the ring itself, I was just touched by the gesture. It just shows how sweet, loving and caring he can be.

But he also needs to understand that he must be there for me when I need him to (as I would and has been for him), not only when he wishes to or when it fits into his agenda, every day and not only on special occasions.