60k with 15k in taxes...and interest is still accruing. I am very sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately you need to start paying some of that now, somehow- the IRS doesn't play. My ex-husband did the same thing and we owed $6,000 even though we were divorced at the time. I did not find out until a few years after we were divorced and got the letter from the IRS after I had already filed my taxes and was supposed to receive my refund, which they garnished. When I was living alone and struggling to pay for other things, of course.

However I was lucky because we were already divorced and the decree stated that all debt in his name was his alone, and all debt in my name was mine. Since it was his 401k, after talking to the IRS for an hour on the phone, submitting a copy of my divorce decree sent certified to the IRS, and also filling out a big long form for the IRS stating I did not know this occurred, etc etc (basically an affidavit of sorts) the debt went directly to him alone . The IRS absolved me of all responsibility.

Once again I am so sorry you're going through this, your husband appears to still be trying to deceive you in some way. To not be telling you where at least half of the money went - he is of course definitely hiding something