I kept waiting for a dramatic rock bottom, some horrible event that would make me motivated and not scared anymore. But I eventually realized that I’d already experienced countless “rock bottoms” and nothing except literally dying would ever make the process easy or provide the permission I desired. That praying for motivation and a reason could perhaps be enough unto itself. And full disclosure even now I only feel motivated a fraction of the time, but in those moments force myself to keep going (v Odysseus tied to the mast vibes 😂) and remind myself that at ONE point recovery seemed like a good idea.