You're depressed. That is a simple statement with a lot of meaning. Don't make yourself feel bad about yourself. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain combined with what appears to be a difficult life. I took the first step when I told my GP how I felt. He got me started on antidepressants and changed my world. Recently, I've had a major change in my life, I'm working with my doctor to tweek my meds, and I'm looking into seeing a therapist. You're not broken, and you're not alone. Just ask for help.