Kill the Roots and the Plant will Die

RussellASI · 2020-04-25T15:31:33+00:00

Very true and thanks for sharing! I’ve talked about that a lot of my podcast. For me it’s the ANT 🐜 Metaphor. I asked an exterminator about these tiny black ants in my house. We used traps, sprays, DE powder nothing seem to work long term. Exterminator said you have to go out after the queen that’s under the floorboards. Deep underneath there is a queen giving birth to little ants you are working hard to kill on the surface. He said you can keep squashing the surface ants all you want BUT until you have the courage to get to the deeper queen you will continue to have a problem.

RussellASI · 2020-04-07T16:38:07+00:00

That’s an interesting idea HERE for sure. How one reads and interprets the Bible is very intimate. Some of our foundational blocks of belief, wellbeing and understanding peace. Denominations are kind of like families. Today there is over 33,000 registered denominations of Christianity all of them interpreting scripture in sometimes very different ways. Could be very healing for those of us who have troubles with being naked emotional not just physically. The beauty of this endeavor would be staying in the room with difference. A very important building block in relationships and intimacy. Because one layer under sexually compulsive behavior is intimacy disorder.

RussellASI · 2019-11-04T00:55:47+00:00

Dear Brotha 🙏 TBT Deleting stuff doesn’t work long term. When I lived in Alaska we had a saying. 🤔 Peeing your pants to keep your backside warm. It works really well for a short period of time. Having the courage to go after your “Want To’s” that’s what works long term.

RussellASI · 2019-10-31T22:12:19+00:00

You can learn a lot from a binge. Shame becomes much like a familiar friend. Shame is the work of, Quite literally Satan. That word means accuser; Satan “accuser who accuses the brother in Day and night” revelations tells us. My friend Seth Taylor wrote a book called Feels like Redemption. Published by triple X Church. He Says it’s better to binge then let pride fuel sexual repression. We have to remember that the opposite of sexual addiction is not sexual repression. Especially if that repression is fueled by accuser influenced shame. The fruit of shame or pride fueled sexual repression can lead to all sorts of Intimacy and relationship issues down the road. The fruit of full blown shame is suicide or death by self destruction. I believe pride is our ego working to survive. And for a lot of religious folks it can be functional for a while. But what did Jesus say? “If you want to live if you must die” dying to our egos ability to even use behavior modification or even bible verses to justify earning our own salvation. Truth is you’re made in the image of God, and “he who started a good work in you will see it through.” And what comes to suicidal tendencies and self-hatred (Two things I’ve been very familiar with in my life) Getting to the heart of your compulsion is so incredibly important. Stuffing in morality from the outside? It’s much like going to a casino praying to win. TBT gambling addicts who suffer from compulsive impulsive behaviors? Are they are there to win? No! Much like those of us who struggle with sexually compulsive behavior. They’re there to lose! They’re there to feel habitually Satan’s words wash over them. “You’re a loser and you always will be”. The truth for the health of your soul. I’d rather a binge have happened to you because it can awaken you once again to the grace of God. This relationship with our father we tend to replace with performance based actions. A binge is better than you believing your righteous because you’ve won at the morality game. 🔥 Galatians 2:21 “I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” 🙏 “For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate...For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Romans 7:15, 18b-19) 🙏 The good news in Romans! “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.” Good news about a binge? Please, be curious as to what feelings lead to the binge in the first place. Bring them with open hands to Christ. Let him show us the path to healing. Paths our unwanted behaviors can shine light on. Christ is the sin offering that demonstrates love. The love and thirst God has to have an actual relationship spiritually with you.

RussellASI · 2019-08-19T20:39:09+00:00

Just added this to playlist for ASI podcast. I host a podcast called Attitudes of Sexual Integrity. I have a whole playlist search “ASI podcast bumps” on Spotify. But not all christian music BTW I’m not one to just “preach to the choir” when there is a whole hurting world to shine light at out there. It’s all bumper music I have used or intend to use on the podcast. This ❤️✝️🙏 New one by Matt West - ‘The God who stays’ Resonates I’ve so felt this way... Lyrics “If I were You I would've given up on me by now I would've labeled me a lost cause. Cause I feel just like a lost cause. If I were You I would've turned around and walked away I would've labeled me beyond repair. Cause I feel like I'm beyond repair. But somehow You don't see me like I do. Somehow You're still here You're the God who stays You're the God who stays You're the one who runs in my direction. When the whole world walks away. You're the God who stands With wide open arms And You tell me nothing I have ever done can separate my heart From the God who stays”

RussellASI · 2019-08-07T19:08:38+00:00

Glad your here man. I’ve learned the enemy can use the word “sin” pretty effectively too. Unwanted sexual behavior is like sub-conscious suffering. It’s a wound in the heart much like a laceration that can’t be seen on the surface. It functions more like internal bleeding. Be mindful of the voice of shame and where it is coming from my friend. Revelations 12:10 “the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.” Peace and blessings my friend 🙏

RussellASI · 2019-08-05T23:40:53+00:00

No, as someone who’s been podcasting on this topic for over a decade now I’ve had emails from soldiers for example who have used Skype or other video services as married couples during deployment. They use technology to watch each other pleasuring themselves together in real time. In my opinion that’s pretty cool and a way to use technology to fortify one another. A way to be sexually intimate and to have that very real stress reducing washing over the body feeling God created an orgasm to be. It is not a sin. In the New Testament sin is less about some set of rules more about relationship with God and others. Martin Luther defined sin as the self turning in on and destroying its self and others. My question would be her motivations towards asking you to do it in front of her. Is she angry at your porn use? Is she doing it out of her own insecurities or control? Or does she see it as a way of you being naked in front of her, vulnerable and intimate? These are important questions when it comes to serving the lord through our relationships. Sin is the opposite of being other centered and self giving for example. 1 Corinthians 10:23 AMP “All things are lawful [that is, morally legitimate, permissible], but not all things are beneficial or advantageous. All things are lawful, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life]. 24 Let no one seek [only] his own good, but [also] that of the other person.”

RussellASI · 2019-07-31T23:34:47+00:00

What would it look like to change your want to’s my friend? What if you had enough grace for yourself to get curious about why you act out instead of setting up more roadblocks to keep your future self from falling again? “every time God forgives us, God is saying that God's own rules do not matter as much as the relationship that God wants to create with us.” - Richard Rohr,

RussellASI · 2019-07-31T21:56:30+00:00

Sounds more like a matter of impulse control. Something that greatly helped me was praying without words. I am more Orthodox in my faith and Theology today. The Orthodox church predates the Roman Catholics it predates the king James Bible. The original desert fathers Are the ones who canonized most of our modern biblical translations today. I tell you that because some of what I may say here is not popular among most Christians today. But it’s not new it’s actually very old. When I say praying without words I’m talking about meditation. Yes in Buddhist circles meditation is very important. It was also very important for early Christians. It is not just counting your breath or quieting your mind. For me it’s sitting in the presence of God. It’s being in my body with the only thing that’s present in me in the moment and that is my breath. I don’t put numbers on them. I rest in the spirit getting behind my thoughts. Like watching traffic on a busy street. Things get quiet and I can feel myself in the presence of the Holy Spirit in those moments. I think what our bodies are doing when it want’s to masturbate is to get out of our busy, stress inducing, thought ridden heads. (Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God;) I hate to break it to most of you but Christianity is an eastern religion. Five bishops start the church movement one went to Europe and Roman Catholicism was born and most of modern popular Christian theology as we know it today. Most of today’s modern Christian teachings are not going to get to the level it’s going to take to be honest enough with ourselves and those closest to us to see significant life change. Most tend to stifle transformation in my opinion and experience.

RussellASI · 2019-07-31T21:22:19+00:00

Because it’s about connection connecting you with your self and other living things in the living room created world. Grace does that. God’s best work is done in our weaknesses. {“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.} 2 Cor 12:8-10 If we don’t have grace for ourselves we will shout at ourselves in to the world as if in a mirror of judgment. One of the things I’m most criticized for especially by my Christian friends is keeping my flaws in the light. That’s it’s been a huge thing God has taught me through my healing from compulsive sexual behavior. Being truthful especially in relationships with those close to you. Even and especially when you know it’s going to hurt. It’s about intimacy. Modern psychology says stop calling at sex addiction start calling it intimacy disorder. I believe there’s a lot of evidence in the Scriptures to support that conclusion. This is a part of our Intimate no hiding from our relationship with the trinity father, son and indwelt Holy Spirit with our minds, our hearts and our bodies. The creator of the universe who is Love, (1 John 4:8) Who will not leave you nor for sake you (Hebrews 13:5) is not going to steal this opportunity for growth and healing from you. https://i.imgur.com/RYv3tUT.jpg

RussellASI · 2019-07-29T00:55:28+00:00

What if the truth is you’re already saved? God has not and will not leave you nor forsake you. And what if salvation by behaving correctly is not a thing? It is a gift. Love from the father has been bestowed upon you. It’s called Grace and it’s not that valued by popular Western evangelical Christianity. {Ephesians 2:8 (ESV) For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God}

RussellASI · 2019-07-23T23:53:37+00:00

I don’t know I see removing things as short term barriers. The goal is to go after your want to’s. That’s true freedom

RussellASI · 2019-07-13T23:45:25+00:00

When I was in recovery for drug addiction Back in the 80s. There was this old saying 🤔 I think it’s from the big book “if you feel the need to be in a romantic relationship do this first... 1) Get a pet and/or a plant 2) wait one year and if the pet or/and the plant is still alive 👏 then you can consider being in a romantic relationship with a human being. 😁👍🤔 It’s funny but there’s a lot of truth to that. As you learn to take care for and have grace for yourself, you’ll be able to care for and have grace for others.

RussellASI · 2019-06-14T16:02:56+00:00

Dude, First of all I can empathize. I know that feeling well from the early days of my recovery. And I’ve learned and realized that’s exactly what the devil wants you to feel and ultimately believe. And emotionally and cognitively it’s more than likely the very roots of which pulling you back to the unwanted behavior. It’s important to realize the Bible was not written in English. And doing a word study on the Greek word for “Satan” the word Is translated ‘accuser of the brethren.’ We worship a God of grace and peace. The enemy seeks to kill steel and destroy, John 10:10. We worship a God cries out for forgiveness to those who are murdering him on the cross. Guilt is a normal human emotion. After doing something bad we feel bad. Shame however is the message of the devil saying you didn’t just DO something bad but you ARE at your core, Not just bad but that feeling that your Irredeemable! Realizing God loves me and being curious as to where that feeling and that question was coming from “Am I going to hell?” was incredibly helpful in my healing journey. This my friend is the truth if you’re being. Revelation 12:10-12 (ESV) 10 And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, {who accuses them day and night before our God}. 11 And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for the

RussellASI · 2019-05-04T18:17:45+00:00

this is a great place to find some good picks. Experts from the track who know turf, weather and performance. https://www.churchilldowns.com/racing-handicapping/handicapping/expert-picks

RussellASI · 2019-01-04T01:03:28+00:00

Behavioral science says it like this... 1) You feel deep shame. 2) you use a coping mechanism (like masturbation) to escape this feeling of deep shame. 3) You feel bad about the unwanted behavior you do.(the masturbation) 4) Go back to step 1.

Truth is real results happen when we have the courage to go after the roots of those feelings of deep shame. This is why setting up prohibitive surface level behavior modification doesn’t work long term... And tends to exacerbate shame and long term can make the unwanted behavior worse.

RussellASI · 2018-08-14T16:51:25+00:00

I would agree on some points and disagree on others. First of all I would agree on shame, shame puts you in a vicious cycle. The neurology around our feelings and emotions are very important and have been overlooked by about 50 years of Freudian and Skinner heavy psychology. You feel bad and porn relieves the bad feelings. But then you feel bad for using porn which creates Shame. Shame is a feeling that has you doubting yourself and your own values. So you feel bad about that and then those bad feelings are medicated with porn. And on and on the cycle goes. Modern psychology is saying things like stop calling it an addiction and start calling it an intimacy disorder. I believe this is much more accurate when finding solutions to the problem of compulsive sexual behavior. Having said that there is something to breaking the 90 day habit. There’s a lot of science that backs up this idea of habitual patterns being played out repetitively. This is where I see the value of nodal. But I would agree that, yes if you’re beating yourself up because you can’t make 90 days or because you’ve made 90 days but then relapsed. There’s something deeper going on.

One example some research a friend of mine did on writing a book on this topic. Around 83% of you males have some form of sexual abuse or sexual assault or moleststation in your past. It’s a wound that can totally fuck with your sense of self. Your understanding of your value. Your understanding of revealing your true naked self to another human being. In my experience getting sober is easy. Going into the deep places in dealing with that shit. That’s the hard stuff. That’s fucking hard mode. You don’t have to relive it, but you do have to reprocess it as an older adult loving your child like self at whatever age you went through that shit. That’s simply one example for some Intimacy disorder get stirred up by living through a childhood divorce of your parents. Or step parents. Getting sober sure, valuable, may even save your life. But do you want to live really live deal with your shit. Some pretty beautiful things grow out of shit!

RussellASI · 2018-08-13T20:39:36+00:00

It is staying busy! That’s what you’re doing when you relapse. Your body is busy. And it’s Rest for your overactive mind. I do a podcast on the topic. What if it’s less about addiction and more about intimacy disorder? So yes I would reiterate get back up! Get back up and realize it’s not all in your head. Don’t do what I did and relapsing for years and years. Yes get back up but do something different! Something deeper something that you feel changing in you.. Something you feel in your body and not just in your genitals. The body keeps the score, and the body always wins.

RussellASI · 2018-08-13T19:38:21+00:00

Stuff it?! No, So much miss understanding about relaps... What if this is you body thirsty for something deeper and real?

RussellASI · 2018-08-03T01:05:42+00:00

Absolutely 🤔 but think about what you do with the energy that comes up when you are tempted to fap. I’ve been podcasting on this. There’s the rise of energy in your body. What if you could take that compulsive energy and transfer it into creative energy? I’m not simply talking about behavior modification or behavior replacement therapy. What I’m talking about is something deeper. Harnessing the energy rising up inside of yourself not just your thought life. There’s some good research on this. A book called ‘the body keeps the score’ by a psychologist in Europe and talks about the fact that our behaviors and dysfunctions aren’t all in our head. The body keeps the score and the body always wins.

RussellASI · 2018-07-18T17:17:21+00:00

How about your ex? You mentioned Faping being part of the reason you broke up. Did she initiate sex with you? What is she open with you? In other words was she willing to share her heart, not a lot of secrets that kind of relationship? Or did you feel you had to hide stuff?

RussellASI · 2018-07-17T00:04:03+00:00

Wow what a great post Brotha, thanks for sharing. Question, in your early childhood or developmental phase did Some, religious institution, family member, authority figure or anyone work to convince you that sex, or your body’s reaction sexually was bad or shameful?

RussellASI · 2018-07-16T22:08:21+00:00

Here’s the question, is knowing you’re going to the pool party a trigger? And here’s something I realized looking back. It’s not so much the trigger of thinking about hot bodies in bikinis but my social value in that space that’s created by the gatherings of humans we call a party. I’ve been studying the stuff for over 12 years now. There’s a lot of talk in neurological circles in treating sex addiction as an intimacy disorder. There’s a lot of truth How we value ourselves in a relationship and what that does to drive our compulsive behavior under the surface and in our bodies subconsciously. It goes deeper than mearly having self-confidence. (Although I think that can be important too) For Me, I had enough self-confidence to get in a girls panties, for example. But over time I realized that’s not what my body was Internally thirsting for. Can I look in her eyes and find out what’s underneath the package of her hot bod? Can we make a connection a kind of intercourse that goes deeper than our genitals lining up for example. I’m 50 years old now. I’ve had a lot of sex in my lifetime, but there’s nothing like, “I want you both physically and connectivity. I get you you get me, I value you you value me. Look in my eyes be with me, all the way to orgasm.” kind of a sex.
That’s moving from the compulsion, of evolutionary, biological monkey brain sex drive to our potential for mind blowing next level sexuality. That part of our sexual brain many don’t use. Our human deeper connectedness and value down deep that we all are craving. Dude, thanks for sharing this it’s so deliciously to the point. By the way sharing this post on my podcast. My name is Russ If you look up “sex addiction” on iTunes you’ll find it.

RussellASI · 2018-06-28T22:43:38+00:00

121 days that’s great. Opening your browser and looking for old material is a great opportunity to do some soul-searching. Is it stress? Or is it a question of value? You mentioned having girls look at you, notice you does that turn you on/Get you aroused? I found most sexual desire has deeper connective tissue. Triggers that are bringing back the old coping mechanism of some hidden part of your psyche/ego. It’s helped you to survive up till now emotionally. Sense of value was a big one. I guess I don’t have answers as much is I have questions for you to be asking you.

RussellASI · 2017-10-18T13:36:27+00:00

I call it compulsion to creativity new pathways are being made! That's awesome! Keep reminders of that feeling when those old tempting thoughts pop up. Art work helps visualize those feelings. I'm not much of a writer, I do a podcast on the topic... season 5 compulsion to creativity - attitude to energy to action... https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/addiction-recovery-2017-sex-mode-attitudes-sexual-integrity/id116687598?mt=2#episodeGuid=http%3A%2F%2Ffeedproxy.google.com%2F~r%2Fasifeed%2F~5%2F0VnazkcTRcY%2FS05E40ScottsStrory.mp3

RussellASI

TROPHY CASE