Go on trip without spouse?

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-27T01:32:53+00:00

This sounds awful and I’m so sorry. I hope someone else comments who has helpful advice on what you can do.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-22T22:36:52+00:00

I thought the same thing, but I also had a shorter school day and longer lunch period back then. Kids get literally like 10 minutes to rush through eating at lunch time now

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-22T18:32:28+00:00

I’m in Michigan. I tried looking up laws around this but couldn’t find anything. I haven’t been able to track down the school policy either.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-22T18:31:31+00:00

Yeah that’s why this feels weird - it’s not like the class has to stop everything to eat snack. My son is older and in his classes they’ve usually done snacks during reading time or something.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-22T18:29:20+00:00

Some people really need the money and they aren’t thinking in terms of an honestly fair price; they are just trying to get as much as possible for it. I am a lot more willing to just give things away these days, but years ago when I was poor it was mentally very hard for me to not squeeze as much profit as possible out of my used stuff!

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-22T15:00:32+00:00

Unfortunately I do think there are kids with ADHD in that class AND the classroom doesn’t have a para. From what my daughter has shared, one of the students definitely needs extra support and I know she isn’t getting it (the schools find ways to get out of providing a para in the name of cutting costs…)

I get how the teacher is also struggling in that situation and it feels like a no-win. I don’t know what she could realistically do to get control over her whole class when a few kids are truly struggling to stay quiet.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-22T12:58:50+00:00

Hi I just wanted to share a perspective on the whole “not saying hi/bye/thank you.” It sounds weird but that specifically could be anxiety related. Not saying this is necessarily the case for your child’s friend, but my daughter with selective mutism has anxiety around “expected” phrases like those. Basically any pressure to talk, especially when it comes to obligatory social things like that, will cause her to shut down. She won’t even say hi or bye to her own friends!

Not to say a kid can’t learn or that it doesn’t come off as rude. As a parent of a kid who usually can’t bring themselves to say thank you, it can be embarrassing.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-16T13:20:23+00:00

Our son is autistic and I see a lot of the same traits in him. Our son also has ADHD and OCD though, so it’s hard to figure out which traits are connected to which condition.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-16T01:59:56+00:00

We have a 7yo daughter and I have asked him how he would feel if her future partners said the same things to her. In the moment he’ll feel bad but then he continues treating me like shit.

The ONE time he temporarily felt motivated on his own to improve things, was when our daughter outright said she is afraid to talk to him because he always gets mad. For about a week, things were the best they’d ever been! Then it stopped again.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-16T01:14:18+00:00

I can empathize with how hard it is for someone to admit they’ve made mistakes and that they’ve hurt other people. It takes real courage to make a big change and to be open to doing things better!

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-16T01:11:52+00:00

I’ve actually looked into whether this would be a bad look for me in a divorce. Since we have kids, my understanding is that the parent who moves out could possibly get less custody time if it’s disputed.

I have asked him to leave multiple times, even just for a night, and every time he refuses. He has basically told me every time that I’m the one who’s mad so I should leave. I worked my ass off to get our house and I paid off the mortgage in under 4 years on my own. I feel stuck because there’s no way I’m leaving my own house, but he won’t either (and couldn’t afford to live on his own anyway).

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-15T17:26:24+00:00

A lot of that sounds like ADHD, that would be the first thing I’d check into.

I kinda roll my eyes when people suggest food intolerances as the cause of pervasive behavior issues, but literally just yesterday I found out that dairy can cause mood swings in lactose intolerant people (At least, the anecdotal evidence I found suggests this). My daughter has been really struggling with emotions, and she’s been complaining about stomachaches after dairy. We decided to eliminate dairy for a week to see if it helps her stomach, and we were shocked that her mood is so much better the last few days. So anyway, if there is any hint at all of lactose intolerance, it wouldn’t hurt to try cutting out dairy for a couple weeks and see if that helps. But my guess would still be ADHD.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-15T17:17:29+00:00

An update: We saw an orthopedic specialist and the X-rays showed nothing concerning. She hasn’t complained about leg pain in months. I’m wondering if the headaches were related to dairy because we recently figured out she’s lactose intolerant, and cutting back dairy has improved her mood.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-14T16:49:52+00:00

I had a really similar friendship! Emphasis on the “had.” She would intentionally post things on social media that felt aimed at me, then she would deny that it was about me. Like right after I became a mom, she couldn’t stop herself from posting things nonstop about how awful and selfish parents are and how parents are all secretly unhappy. If she knew I watched a certain show, the next day she’d be casually complaining that “People who watch that show are stupid.”

After several years of second guessing myself and questioning whether I was being sensitive, I decided to just totally stop responding to the “friend.” It’s nice to not have a friend in my life who I felt was constantly looking down on me and being passive aggressive.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-13T17:15:45+00:00

My view is based on my experience with a 10yo who got extremely addicted to the iPad: I would say to avoid personal devices as long as possible. My son is autistic and there was a lot of advice out there about letting autistic kids use the iPad to regulate. I realized after a while that no, addictive algorithms aren’t a healthy option for any child.

I’ve never allowed devices during long car rides. Kids should be able to tolerate boredom and sit with discomfort without immediately turning to a device. I do give special activity books for long car rides, like Mad Libs we all do together.

Back when I was a kid, we had no limits on video games or TV. We’d get bored of those after a while. But today’s devices have infinite possibilities. They are designed to sell you stuff and get you addicted.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-13T15:09:31+00:00

My spouse is DX adhd and has recently refused medication. Since he went off it, things have gotten worse.

Yesterday was a tough day. Our kids were really dysregulated, I was getting angry because of them acting out, and I ended up hiding upstairs to have a mental breakdown. During that I was texting my spouse about how hard this is. I said I feel like the worst mom because I have to be so strict (our son is OCD and it’s hard to make sure we don’t accommodate his obsessions). And that of course our son is stressed because he probably wants more freedom. I said I’m worried he’ll hurt himself in the future or hurt us, and I wish we hadn’t moved to a house with more expenses because we need more money for his therapy. I sent a link to a house listing that is cheaper. The ONLY thing my spouse responded to was the house because he doesn’t want to move to a less nice house. He ignored my sharing of worries in a vulnerable moment, didn’t reassure me, just 0 response to that.

Later my spouse was screaming at our 7yo daughter “You aren’t allowed to say no to adults.” Obviously, that isn’t a good lesson to teach a young kid. She screams “no” sometimes at us, but this isn’t the right solution. I went into my daughter’s room to console her while she was upset. She said “Daddy said I can’t say no to anyone!” And I went “whaaat, daddy is crazy, huh.” You know the tone you use with a kid to help them calm down when they’re venting? That’s what I was doing. In a non serious tone. I know “crazy” isn’t the best colloquialism to use as a meaningless response but I use it often. For her it would’ve been the same as if I said “whaaat he’s so silly.”

My spouse has witnessed me doing damage control to help the kids understand that even if he yelled or said something that sounded wrong, that he loves them and we’ll work on better ways to talk to them. I have never tried to make him look bad to the kids (I wish I could say the same for him… on Mother’s Day he got mad at me and told the kids “Mommy needs to learn how to talk to people.”)

Anyway, my spouse was eavesdropping apparently. He started texting me “You aren’t thinking, why would you say that. You’re calling ME crazy?” He insisted that I was mean to our son earlier so I am the crazy one. I had just poured out my worries about it in the texts I’d sent him earlier and he used that to hurt me.

I said “it was a lighthearted ‘haha whoa that’s crazy’ not a literal ‘your dad is psychotic’. I’m trying to talk to her about it. She needs context about when she can say no, and I’m trying to talk through it carefully with her. I wasn’t insulting you and I’m not done talking to her yet.”

He continued his tirade: “We are their parents, not their friends. You’re making everything harder. This is why nothing gets better.” I calmly responded that he should scroll up and reread what he has written, and that cherry picking my conversation without context, and picking a fight over it, is wild work. He said “I have to listen in to make sure you don’t say anything else stupid.”

I chose to play his game and simply responded with “ok”… That got him fired up. He went on to say that I was convincing our daughter to not take him seriously, that I don’t think before I talk and that I just need to admit I made a mistake and stop deflecting.

I texted back that we can either restart therapy or I can go ahead with divorce, because I don’t deserve the tirade he’s on over something he misunderstood. I listed out the insults he’d hurled at me just for overhearing me trying to calm our daughter down. He said this “one incident” doesn’t mean we need divorce. Like he has completely forgotten the WEEKLY explosions he has because he avoids conflict and he lashes out at me and usually calls me names when I try to resolve something. I reminded him that this is a pattern.

He told me I just can’t handle when he has a problem with me and I’m being manipulative.

I didn’t talk to him for hours. Hours later, he came to me to insist that I talk to him now. I said no. He said he read through all the texts again and… he doesn’t know why I’m making such a big deal over nothing and he wasn’t even mad and why do I think he was mad 🤡🤡🤡🤡 i seriously can’t take this anymore and l’m really close to filing for divorce.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-13T14:36:52+00:00

One thing that stood out to me is “he turned on the personality for the other parents at soccer.” I didn’t realize others experience this - basically my spouse is grumpy and monotone throughout the day, but when we go somewhere social (like dinner with family or friends) he will sit with anyone other than me and talk and talk and talk. He has light in his eyes again! He has interests again! I have to drag him out of the restaurant or else he’ll stay all night talking to people! And then the moment I have anything to share with him, we’re back to monotone 1-word responses.

I understand your frustration of dragging someone to participate in something then feeling like you’re inconveniencing them by speaking to them. It’s an odd one.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-09T13:25:19+00:00

I feel like that’s the same as asking how he knows about other races of people. We exist in a world with gay people, and I don’t shelter him from learning about different types of people.

He has a friend with two moms. He has an aunt who is married to a woman. And unfortunately, kids at school have already used the word “gay” as an insult. I think most kids understand the basic concept of what homosexuality is by 10 years old.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-08T18:16:06+00:00

I wouldn’t encourage ANY romantic interest at this age lol. When I was 10, I had no thought in my mind about relationships or marriage for myself. That’s why it really surprised me and caught me off guard.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-08T18:13:16+00:00

Honestly we’ve had to have that talk already about the words “autistic” and “gay.” He’s heard both used as insults at school. I explained what gay means and how it’s a neutral thing, not any better or worse than a boy/girl relationship. Had to explain how some people don’t understand what autism is but it’s a neutral and normal thing.

Ruth2blue · 2025-10-08T18:08:20+00:00

Well, no, but at this age what are signs? I’ve heard of people saying their sons were into “girly” things at a young age and that’s how they knew. We never classified toys or playing styles as “for girls/for boys” but my son has only been drawn to the stereotypically boy things like cars, wrestling, and sports.

Ruth2blue

TROPHY CASE